How To Make A Marriage Last...

Its a very good topic because in this money minded world of todays ppl mix bedroom with boardroom. the longest marriage i have seen is of my grand parents their marriage lasted for their lifetime with 10 childrens. i think the most important ingredient for a marriage to work is adjustment with the partner its like a gear box in any automobile when u shift the gears it smothly adjusts itselfs. love respect, space for other, understanding, forgiveness are like oil and grease to move the gears properly.

I wanted to say that it's also important that the two people in the marriage have their own interests too. Trust is really important too. As far as trying everything before throwing in the towel, that's essential. You really can get yourself into a lot of trouble when you decide you want to leave before working things out. The longest marriage I know of is my own. Pretty much everyone in my family is divorsed at least once. I'm the only one married to my original spouse

Besides everything #1 said. Let your partner know that you love and respect them. Say it, hug them every chance you get. Pick your battles, don't fight about every little thing. Have fun! Laugh--it is free. We can all afford it.

Thanks for the info about not posting anniversaries or anniversaries. I used to ask about crafts for different people's birthdays, so I guess I'll just say I'm making something for someone who is interested in _______________. Then people will ask why and I'll still say birthday or anninversary, so it will still be in there. Our marriage works because I made sure it would before we started and we continue to make sure it keeps working. I wanted a non-drinker and non-smoker. My Dad was both and it caused no end to trouble. I also made sure I found someone with similar values and some similar interests, but we also have enough varied interests to make things interesting. I used to work in a prison and I saw all the pit falls to loosing a spouse. Some guys are runners and I made sure he wasn't. I saw people go to work and not go home again because they were terminally injured. So I always so ILU before I leave because one never knows if one will see someone again. The last thing I want him to remember is that I love him and not that I'm mad at him or had some stupid fight. We've only been married 9 years, but we didn't get married until we were 42 years old (birthdays 11 months apart, so first month of being 42 years for me and last month for him). We're both the oldest, so we have family obligations with our original family. Both my parents were the youngest and both were spoiled so rotten, it was unbelievable and they both had to have their way. The yelling and screaming was nuts. My husband and I discuss things. We usually compromise. If one digs in his or her heals, then that is a time when compromise won't work and the other will give in (only has happened 2xs, once he really dug in and once I really dug in. The biggest challenge is money and the ecomony right now. Trying to rein-in spending when we're so used to spending. But we will make it somehow.

..I obviously don't know..was divorced 4 years later.

Ya i too feel trust is the most important thing which keeps us together. My own parents have been married for 34 years and they love each other very much. In India most of the marriages last for a lifetime. Couples generally dont cheat on each other.

I think the most important part of keeping a marriage together, is trust and communication. You also have to keep things fresh and new at times also. We just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on the 23 of this month, which was yesterday now. How nice of you to start this discussion. I think marriages should at least try to be worked out before separating. I know of some long marriages but I do not know the number of years.

I remember that discussion and cannot imagine how it was thought to have violated guidelines...I didn't think it was "about" anniversaries or birthdays as much as it was about making a marriage work. Well, I thought it was a good discussion. I also thought this was an interesting article: http://bronxnews.wordpress.com/2009/02/23/black-couple-hold-record-for-longest-marriage/ However, I believe there is a couple in China that reach 85 years of marriage, which would be longer. I have been married a bit less than half of that time. It goes by in an eye blink when you are happy. I remember when we were together only 6 months and a couple we know were married 4 years. We though they were to "old" but they were divorced soon after and we are still together.

Well in two weeks a couple that we are friends with are getting ready to celebrate their 50th, thats the longest marriage I know of, thats a long time, and they still seem to be having fun. I think communication is important in a successful marriage also, I've had to learn that the hard way, I used to keep things bottled up and wouldn't talk to my husband about how I was feeling, then later I would blow up at him, all for something that I had been mad about a long time ago, that doesn't work either, so I would say communication is a big thing too, along with trust as you said. I learned that if I talk to him about it now, I'll feel better and won't have it weighing on my shoulders.

Give and take that is what makes a marriage strong .Always be a friend to each other and talk things through,no secrets.Another thing is never side with the kids against your partner,never argue infront of the kids.Keep the relationship fresh ,laugh a lot,cry together and not apart.When things get tough,see problems through honestly and without throwing blame around.Never think marriage is easy it has to worked on through the years.Compromise and give and take.

You have certainly summed it all up here. I believe that it is important to have trust, respect, appreciation, communication. There must be a time to share. A time give and recieve. Here is a different way to look at a marriage. Look at a marriage as a pair of sissors. Always going in the opposite direction but always meeting in the middle. Marriage is like an empty box. To get something out of the box, you need to put into the box. A marriage is like a fire, you need to attend to it to keep it burning. Upon saying that marriage is like a box or a fire, this is where I will now add that a marriage needs to be fair. A marriage is like a partnership. You both need to give equally. It is not fair if one person keeps putting things into the empty box while the other always takes out. Or like the fire, it is very hard work to keep the fire going when it is only one person alway attending to it. Marriage is certainly not easy. I believe that it is harder work. When there is no marriage, there is no security. People are bound to keep impressing their partner as their partner can easily walk out of the relationship. In a marriage, there is that legal bond (security) between the two. It makes it harder for people to walk so people will forget to impress their partners to make them stay. This is the security trap of a marriage. So it is very important to think about the person you first met. Always keep on impressing the partner as if you have first met your partner. Always love, respect, talk, listen, encourage and spend time with your partner. And partners, always give the same back in return. It is hard to work on a marriage on your own.

I am not curently married but have jsut started a relationship. my parents have been married for almost 50 years and they are still together. A couple should try everthing they can before deivorceing. I do think you are right about a lot on may levels on keeping a marrage togher, turst and commicaion amoung them. it seems like today so many couples will split up rather than stick things out.

What? You can't post discussions about birtdays and anniversaries? What kind of foolishness is that? I have seen plenty! I think the most important thing is honesty, BTW.

I'm not married. never have been.... but i once heard this... the secret is to 'not leave the room'. Listen and talk, not leave the room. 4 simple words, make a huge meaning, and a huger impact on a relationship.

There are so many things that contribute to making a marriage last. Trust is important but I also think caring and sharing are important as well. And how could I forget love which would be number one. We were recently married 40 years. As I get older I find patience is needed since some spouses begin to get very set in their ways. The old saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is very true. My parents were married over 50 years and my in-laws close to the same length of time.

I guess, it's faith. Love and lust will gone but if you remain faithful, loyal and understanding, the relationship would last. One more thing is that if both partners are God-fearing, they would be reminded of their sacred bond and they would never leave each other until the end of their lives. Thank you for the topic, twoey68. It is so inspiring.

I have been divorced and I now that I am married again I endeavour to stick it out through thick and thin and not leave until every stone has been turned. There were many reasons why I had marital problems in the past but the biggest mistake I made was getting out without trying absolutely everything in my power to make it work. My husband and I are not perfect people so the most reassuring thing about our marriage is that no matter what, nobody is going any where and we are both just as committed to stick it out and resolve issues. In my opinion trust is paramount and probably more important than love. Without trust there is no relationship and once lost trust takes a lot of work to re-establish. Trust and communications are vital; talking and more importantly listening!

A good friend of mine broke it down like this. There are many aspects of marriage, trust, laughter, respect, but what she said really hit home. Marriage is like a bank account. You have to make deposits to make the account strong, build it up over the years. You'll get negatives, but the important thing is to keep the account from going under. So in a relationship it works the same way. You continue to work at keeping the account in a positive, or keep making deposits. Trust, communication, understanding, just enjoying each other and your time together. So after this was all explained to me, I think the most important thing in a relationship can't be brought down to one word or thing. It's a whole because relationships are just as complex as people are. So the most important thing to me would be keeping my deposits up and continue to build that nest egg up. I guess it could be brought down to continued growth together as a couple. If you continue to make the effort and pull it all together as two equal parts, the rest of it just falls into place.

Honestly, I wouldn't know how to make a marriage last for I haven't been married at all. Who can really say?... maybe it's base on how the couple understand each other and how they compromise. Nowadays a lot of marriages are not lasting, but I'm proud to say that I look up to my parents when it comes to marriage. They've been married now for over 30 years.

With time goes by i have been in marriage almost two years. i don't think there's any problem in my life . It is all because my husband . He is so nice to me and has a very good temper . Yeah i should try my best to be more nice to him too. I wish our relationship can last long