violence why?

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I don't get it I had a gf one time that I was madly in love with and she was killed in gunfight between gangs this had nothing to do with her or me just the innocent this happened in 2005 when my world came crashing down. Now one of my friends wants revenge because she was like a sister to him he backed off because I told him it is my pain. Why is it so hard to get over it?