Dating
By Jewrine07
@Jewrine07 (7)
United States
July 25, 2009 9:41am CST
I was wondering does anyone belive it is unethical to date someone that your friens has dated before. I am curious how do you feel when it comes down to dating a person taht has expressed intrest in one of your friends before you started to date that person???
3 responses
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
25 Jul 09
I was always looking for a man who had little to no relationship experience because I didn't want someone who was used up and left over. If my friend had dated someone that expressed interest in me, it would be hard to express interest back if I had known that they had been together with my friend for very long because of this belief system I have.
But on a general note, I don't think friends should be able to say "no" to their friend's romantic interest. I understand there's a period of time where it would be very hurtful to date your friend's past boyfriend/girlfriend after they and your friend had broken up. After so long, however, your friend can't continue to dictate who you do or do not fall in love with. A friend could not truly be a good person if they didn't want what was best for both you and their ex. Being married now, my husband is most important. Friends come and go but if my husband weren't here my life would be drastically different. I wouldn't have been able to sit and wait for him if one of my friends had dated him.
It's an unspoken rule that you don't date friends' exes...but I have no idea why. My one ex boyfriend is free to date whoever he chooses...because I am not the ruler of my friends or him. If I were to keep him and one of my friends from pursuing what would have been a happy, lifelong relationship, that would be horribly selfish of me.
@Jewrine07 (7)
• United States
25 Jul 09
It is very refreshing to hear from someone who actually loves their husband these days, LOL!! However what if the guy sctully told the female he wanted to date you and he never actully had a realtionship with your friend. However you did meet the guy because your mutual friend introduced to two of you togather. In fact, I admire your values and I do agree with them too...Just thinkin..........
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
25 Jul 09
If he never had a relationship with your friend, I don't see any strings attached, especially if she introduced the two of you. If they weren't at all romantically involved, I don't see any reason to hesitate. If they had been and it hasn't been long since their mutual interest, you might make sure you won't be competing with your friend for his attention. That could definitely cause hard feelings.
@happyness3 (394)
• United States
25 Jul 09
I think you need to talk to your friend about it first. Don't try to hide it. I dated my roommates ex boyfriend for almost three years, and she was OK with it after we talked about it. But remember, friends usually last longer than boyfriends/girlfriends, so if it bothers them, you should probably respect that.
@Jewrine07 (7)
• United States
25 Jul 09
I agree you should always talk to your friend first if not you risk losing a very important person in your life. Of course, that depends on the type of friendship you have with that person. I reallllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy have learned to value my friendships "men do come and gooooooooooo." How did that work out for you, the roomate situation if you do not mind me asking???
@Tiherina (83)
• United States
25 Jul 09
There's no real harm in it if it's been awhile since the relationship ended. I guess it depends on the maturity of the people involved. I dated a couple of my friends' ex boyfriends, and those relationships turned out okay, but my friend once dated my ex boyfriend, and that relationship went to crap really fast. So I guess it depends on who the ex is. I hope I was helpful, and if not, then I tried. ^^;
