'Supposed to' have respect? (Abuse of power)
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
July 25, 2009 11:24am CST
Are we always 'supposed to' have respect for certain individuals, in your opinion? I am talking about an old school philosophy of 'respect your elders' or 'always respect authority'. I'm sorry but I think not. In general, you must attempt to be civil to EVERYBODY - if there is a way for you to be neutral and non confrontational as long as possible, do that and then walk away - BUT...
In this day and age, so many people will take advantage of their position, (let's face it) AGE, financial status, etc. Some people take advantage by claiming they are 'an authority' or 'an elder'. I simply don't feel that just because someone is a police officer or CLAIMS to be one that when they say jump, everyone else needs to obediently say 'how high'. People get hurt through abuse of power.
Police have beat people who may be victims or not believed them. They have also allowed other people to 'get away' because the people know them.... Some adults are simply BAD individuals and would have nothing but your child's WORST INTERESTS at heart when some of them tell children to do things.
I don't know about you but along with a title, authority, etc, someone's actions need to make sense. I do not feel it is disrespectful to say no if what someone is asking you to do is against what your parents might tell you, or goes against your personal code. Just because someone is an authority figure doesn't mean I'm going to bow down to them... Respect goes both ways.
Another thing - older people. Life was quite a bit different in the early 1900s than it is now. It can be a little disconcerting to have such people ranting and raving about how they hate how things are today - yes, some of them who are lucid do. Even though you can't teach an old dog new tricks and older people tend to be set in their ways, it's not respectful for them to act as if things that are normal today are 'horrible outrages' and for them to take that out on some of our kids lol. By all means, have your opinion, but don't act like that entitles you to call a kid a b@stard because their parents aren't married or .. things like that. Age doesn't absolve you of courtesy and regard for feelings of others.
4 people like this
11 responses
@pratyushtamhankar (859)
• India
25 Jul 09
What i believe is that, the respectable alone should be respected. And the ones who are faulty should be punished. Abuse does really have a very bad effect on an individual's whole thinking process. Why ? Because the abused will never have any respect for the position that abused him. the worst thing is that police use their power to abuse the ones who can't do anything. Thus, the victims never trust the police and sooner later turn into criminals..
@pratyushtamhankar (859)
• India
28 Jul 09
I should really thank you to start this discussion as this is a problem faced by everyone, wherever they live...
@jeg2315 (197)
• United States
26 Jul 09
I have to agree with the "respect your elders" part. Just because you experienced things doesn't mean you have come out of them any wiser. As someone said, you have to earn respect. Too many people fall back on the "reputation precedes them" type of view, which I hate. These kinds of older people come off as brash and unwilling to adapt in my opinion. Many things are done better these days, but because people experienced them in the past, they want things to be the way they were.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I admit there are some things I believe were better in the past - such as education. I think it is just as important for a kid to have sufficient free time and play time as it is for them to learn how to read and add and do all sorts of academic stuff. I believe it is JUST as important for them to have equal and continual access to things like music and art, to sports programs and things like drama and other self expression. I do not believe in this huge push to remove everything 'extra' in favor of having a 1st grader who can now demonstrate they can do algebra and speak spanish. I don't see the point and if anything, that is not well rounded, that is losing your childhood.
However, I am glad that there is more tolerance, that for the most part NORMAL people will have an open mind about varied lifestyles, that people are not segregated and that is not seen as acceptable behavior, that women and men both provide and sometimes men are primary caretakers of children and home - and sometimes women are.
@Riptide (2756)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I believe that respect is earned. It's not a godgiven right. I have always been told that I have a problem with authority and that might be true, because I believe that all people are created equal. I don't believe that somebody is better than others, just because of a title or age or position. If someone disrespects me, I am not going to show them respect, regardless of who or what they are.
That doesn't mean though that disrespect should be shown. Common courtesy should be shown, but a deep level of respect has to be earned the hard way.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
26 Jul 09
Hey mommyboo! I completely agree with you! People today don't
understand the meaning of respect! They feel that they can
say and do whatever they want to anyone whether it is another
adult or child! And don't even get me started on the Police!
Please! They are the worst offenders lately! They have totally
lost their friggen minds! They think that they can do whatever
they want and have totally forgotten what their job is! I
just don't know what this world has come to when there is
no respect for anyone anywhere! It is just really scary when
no one respects anyone and doesn't care about anyones feelings
and thinks that they can say whatever they want and that there
won't be any reprecussions, including the "police"! If we
can't respect authority figures how are we supposed to respect
anyone?
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I think the problem here is that people get into jobs for the wrong reasons, jobs they are not suited for. If you are at the core, a BAD person, then you do not belong in any position where you may bully, demean, or 'lord authority' over someone else! Unfortunately, people with these types of personalities will work hard to get into a job where of course they will have the power to do this. It sucks.
Also, then we have the problem of people who are doormats or people who are sheep. By the way, if you are one of these people, you are making it even EASIER for the bullies to continue to bully people. Most bullies are COWARDS. They can dish it but they cannot take it. To beat them at their own game, you simply fight back. Most of them won't know what to do and they will be so shocked that you stood up to them, they won't bother you again lol.
@karenrosesalazar (256)
• Philippines
26 Jul 09
Respect is something that is earned. It's not something that is demanded from someone. My philosophy in life is if you want to be respected, you should respect others, first and foremost.
I agree with you mommyboo. All kinds or manifestations of disrespect are rampant in today's society. People with power usually trudge on the ones without power, gravely abusing their authority. Bosses, managers or leaders are mean to their subordinates just because they think they can. The list is endless.
But I still believe that the answer to all these is starting with ourselves. We should instill respect in ourselves first, then give the respect due to every person as human beings. Then hopefully, everyone can pay it forward. If everyone has this in mind, i'm sure this place will be a more respectful place to live in.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
You hit the nail on the head here. I think part of the problem is that many people do not even respect THEMSELVES. Look at all the poor self esteem. Look at how people tromp on others in order to feel better about themselves instead of looking at 'the man in the mirror' first, know what I mean?
If you cannot respect yourself, how in the world can we expect these people to turn that outward? My parents taught me that I can be and do anything I want to, there are no boundaries, no limits, except those I impose on MYSELF. Other people may try to scold me or tell me I can't, but to me, 'CANT' is a bad word. I teach my daughter that anything is possible, and that many of those who may try to get in her way are jealous or small minded and they will do it because they don't have the guts to go for the glory themselves.
Anyway, I do try to treat people decently as a rule, but at the same time if they show disrespect towards me and I did nothing to deserve that, I don't take it lying down. I let the person know it was uncalled for and I WON'T accept that type of behavior towards me or anybody important to me.
@Sweeten (159)
• United States
26 Jul 09
With strangers I feel like I need to treat them all with a little respect because you don't know them, but my mom and dad and family I treat with more respect than everyone else. I try to treat everyone else with the same moderate sense of respect, because i believe that if you are nice to them they will be nice to you generally speaking. In the south most people still hold onto these values with the "yes-maam" or "no-sir", and this is how I was raised, so ive always respected pretty much everyone, and never got too close, but a "yes-sir" won't hurt every now and then. Its not that I necessarly respect them I just try to be polite and nice.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Ah. That is why I stated that civility is pretty much something you strive for, that whole 'treat others as you would expect to be treated'. When I don't know somebody, of course I would act this way, when you don't know the stakes, that's the best way to begin. This is of course why I can never understand people who go about saying 'I don't like x person' when they don't even KNOW them lol. Of course if something like that is directed towards me, I just put it off on the person who doesn't know me and THINKS they don't like me, because it's their issue, not mine 
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
26 Jul 09
Well yes I think you are correct with respect to both elders and authority.
Regarding elders, I have seen most old people become too cranky and suspicious that the world is neglecting them. That is not true, what they fail to understand is that the world has become a lot more difficult place for their children and grandchildren. The pace has become too fast and money has depreciated so much that even if we want to, we cant spend enough time with them after running for our own jobs and security. We do whatever we can for them but that does not seem to be enough.
Regarding parents too, they might make many mistakes but in older times it was the law to obey whatever parents say…I think this too has changed a lot for better though I am not in favour of state intervention in child control.
Thirdly authority…no question of obeying blindly…if the rules are followed properly, there will be little problem but when rules are flouted in the name of authority, there is bound to be confrontation. However, sometimes for the sake of keeping our job, we have to bow down to abuse of power.
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
26 Jul 09
There are certain things that do demand respect - certain respect. "Respect your elders" does not mean on every level. It's more like give them your seat on the bus, or don't sass back to them. But it doesn't mean you have to live by their code. The same with authority - they are better equipped to handle certain situations and you should defer to them in those instances. Doctors have worked hard to become doctors, they should be addressed by their titles - that's showing respect. It doesn't mean you have to do what they say, necessarily. It's more of a form of recognition.
Now, there are plenty of times when such people no longer deserve the respect they have worked for. Let's say the doctor is constantly giving the incorrect diagnosis. He's not holding up to his end so he shouldn't be treated like a doctor.
I remember when I had gotten divorced. My x was not a nice person at all and he was angry that our kids didn't respect him. He wanted me to tell the kids that they HAD to respect him since he was their father. He had totally lost their respect because of his actions and there was no way I was going to force them to respect something that was wrong. I told my x that he may have been given that right when the kids were born, but he has to keep up his end to keep the respect. He had to earn it back by changing his actions. He never totally did and they have little respect for him still.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I agree with you as far as the doctor and your ex. This is exactly what I was getting at when I began this discussion. I had no intention of anybody believing they could just disrespect EVERYBODY or lump everybody in the same group as unrespectable etc because they are part of that group. You explained it quite nicely that when someone has proven they are no longer worthy of that respect, then it shouldn't be given, offered, expected.
I too think about the fact that our children are a gift. They are their own persons, individuals. They are not our pawns to control, and they are not extensions of us. Yes, children, especially small and young children love unconditionally. We have to remember as parents though that we must do things to earn that unconditional love and not to just take it for granted. Almost anybody can 'make' a child. That doesn't necessarily mean they are automatically a good parent and know everything.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
26 Jul 09
respect has to be earned and age has nothing at all to do with it. I have raised my girls to be respectful people. I dated a man who commanded that my kids respect him. They always treated him with respect. He was such a jerk and he picked on my daughter who was at the time 11. After a time, she started defending herself. She kept it respectful and did not resort to name calling or anything. Oh ..he flipped out, it seems that she was not even supposed to voice her opinion.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
LOL! I have always told my kids that it's perfectly normal AND acceptable for them to not always like my decisions, but that doesn't mean they get to NOT abide by them. They can dislike me as much as they want for saying no etc but the answer is still no. My son has issues with this - I expect him to ASK about things. Not 'let me know', not 'tell me' and not 'leave out half of the information in order to elicit a yes'. Unfortunately, he seems to think that it's not fair that he has to ASK even though I have said that 9 times out of 10, just the fact that he ASKED would be enough to grant him a yes, but blowing it off or assuming he can do whatever the heck he wants is a guaranteed NO no matter how simple, stupid, or innocent the request would have been.
I'm going to continue to keep my daughter aware that asking asking asking is the rule, the only rule, and if you don't ask, you don't get, and you'll also lose your privelages.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
26 Jul 09
I agree to those words, it is the fact and what is now in this time. but trouble is if we have no respect what so ever, we would be nothing more than those who abuse for power. i agree too that age doesn't give exception on others that disregards other people's feelings and rights.unless no one knows, they will keep on disrespecting others and choose to do to their children..so, what is your recommended solution?
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Well, I have recently seen many discussions dealing with 'proper discipline' of children. While I agree that discipline must be started early and be consistent in order to produce the desired result which is learning the correct way to behave in multiple situations, discipline and consequences must also transfer into the adult world. People who take advantage of and bully others ought to be fired, removed from positions, and otherwise made incapable of taking advantage of and bullying others in the future. These people should be strung up for the world to see in order to help make examples and show other people what awaits them if they in turn take advantage of or bully others. This is the only way it will stop - if natural consequences ALWAYS happen, or consequences helped along with society's blessing.
@pangbo217 (42)
• China
26 Jul 09
Yeah, i agree with you. In every country police are not welcome since they have too much power and their authority may hurt us, not only in the US, but all of the world, including others 'civilized'countries. However, it is very difficult for us to find a final solution to solve this thing. Yes, respect are necessary, but authority also has its reasons to exist. It is not easy to strive a balance between them. It is very sad.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Well.... my solution would be to get rid of people who are abusing the power of their positions. This may include many people in the current government lol.
Abuse is abuse. It should be ended in any arena it is found in, quickly, effectively, and completely. Strike now, ask questions later. It is sickening how much of it goes on and we all LET it happen by doing nothing.
