will i take off my little small mole for love?
By cindy27
@cindy27 (130)
Philippines
July 25, 2009 12:03pm CST
i recently had unimaginable lunch with my boyfriend's parents last day.
the story is i had a boyfriend for three years. We supposedly married last December 2008 but we postpone it because he had a major accident and been in the hospital for 3 months and 5 months almost bed-rest until he fully recovered.
As someone so dear to me, I've been in his side all through out until he recover. Both Our families are very much approve for our relationship and it turn out to be the smooth relationship ever.
Until i had this confrontational from his dad. I know he refuse to offend me but maybe its the only way he know to tell me about this idea he had in mind. While having lunch with my boyfriend's parents his dad out of the topic says that i should ask how to take off this little mole beside my nose... because its where the tears flow... and when i cry, the tears touches my mole. which means in their tradition. its a sign that when i get married my husband to be will die.
it felt like that suddenly he's pointing out my mole as a cause of my boyfriend's accident. I have been thinking about this since then,,, i even ask my boyfriend what is his opinion about this and he say's he did not believe on it either.
But still i felt like uncomfortable about my mole.. knowing that my boyfriend's family is waiting for me to make my move to remove it if i really love their son.
but my family is so traditional also that my parents strongly deny that danger they are saying about my mole and they refuse in any cosmetic even minor or major repair in any human body unless it is so so so important. it is their faith.
Im really confuse. please give me your opinion about this? if i take it off my parents will surely hate me and my bf's family. while if i didn't im so afraid that when i get marry my in-laws will surely blame me with every little or big bad experience my husband will have..
your advice will surely be appriciated.. thanks.
2 people like this
7 responses
@eeneling (10)
• Malaysia
26 Jul 09
well cindy27, this is indeed a very difficult situation to decide on. however, i think the decision should be made between you and your boyfriend and not anybody else. if, like what you said, your boyfriend does not believe in any of those statements made by his father, then i think you should not blame yourself on any accidents that happen to him. have you heard of placebo effects?? i think somehow, you are putting yourself in that situation. but then again, if you personally feel you want to take the mole off for the sake of your future husband, there are many good experts out there who can do it painlessly and for a reasonable price. while, as for you family, you just got to explain to them that it is your future husband whom you will be spending the rest of your life with. it might sound mean, but the same theory applies for both parties...if you truly loves a person, then you will have no problems sacrificing for him/her! :)
2 people like this
@vingyan06 (2486)
• Malaysia
26 Jul 09
I know it is very hard for you to decide. AS for me, I removed some moles on my face before, I think it is a normal. But of course when it is involve with old parents, They might have other opinions. Since you boy friends is Okay with the mole, then you have to decide yourself. And you have worrying about your boy friends accident is something related on the mole, that means you care about what your father in law say and you are kinda believe it. Just remove the mole and you will feel better.
I think it is more easy to convince your own parents than your future in law. So try to talk to your parents and tell them what you feel, what you think. I am sure they will understand your feeling.
@cindy27 (130)
• Philippines
30 Jul 09
i think youre right and i schedule my mole removal next year. i hope it would end any speculation after this... just making sure im doing it not for anyone else anymore but for myself.
about my parents, i know and trust them that they would understand it specially if they would see me after the mole removal which nothing they can do then after that. I know they can accept it and forgive me in time.
@emandi (102)
• Philippines
26 Jul 09
hello cindy,
first, congratulations on finding love, and on your boyfriend's recovery. :D
i think that you've thought a lot about this, and i definitely agree with your reasoning: your boyrfriend's family may eventually blame you for bad things that might (god forbid) happen when the two of you are married. the whole mole thing is a cultural thing and quite honestly will get on your nerves from time to time.
taking into account the fact that your own family is conservative, i think you should have the mole removed anyway. mole removal is a very minor procedure, one that won't even take hours and can be done by a dermatologist or dermatologic surgeon. if this, however, makes your uncomfortable, maybe you can use foundation and concealers to cover it for the time being.:)
good luck!
1 person likes this
@iamcapricorn (338)
• Philippines
26 Jul 09
[b][/b]It seems that your in-laws-to-be are very superstitious, living in the old age beliefs. If your boyfriend doesn't mind about the mole, it only means that he really love you and will not be carried away by that ancient, antique beliefs, and that's the most important thing, YOU and HIM. Hope you get a peace of mind...
1 person likes this
@WilliamC87 (163)
• United States
26 Jul 09
i think that if you truely in love with him and it would make him feel better about his wellbeing because of his beliefs then i think you should go with it....i really dont think that its that big of a deal if your truly in love with him....no affense i dont mean anything by this but its seems to me that you might be questioning really being in love with him if your not sure about having a mole removed for him...i think that if you truly loved him and knew him and his family would feel better because of thier beliefs then you would have it done....i know that it kinda almost seems silly and diffrent religions and races have weird traditions and weird ways of going abut things but if thats how he truly feels them personaly id go through with it..thats jus my opinion
1 person likes this
@happyness3 (394)
• United States
25 Jul 09
Wow, what a difficult decision for you to make! I think that it should be something that you and your boyfriend talk about and make a decision about. Why would God put something on your face that would kill your boyfriend? This shouldn't be about what your parents want, or what his parents want...but what will make the two of you comfortable. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck in this problem.
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
25 Jul 09
Talk to your future husband about it. At the end of the day his opinion is the only one that matters. I say this because someday it will just be you and him. He is the one that will come home to you at night, not his parents or yours. If he feels that it matters that much then think about having it removed. If it is against your faith to have it removed then explain it to his family. They should understand that faith has more influence than a tradition.
1 person likes this
