The Ultimate Question....can you answer this for my son?

If your gonna ask me... Onabody should be glad that something bad happened to them... because failure is one opportunity to go up... if you will not fail you will not be able to learn the some lessons.. and you will not be able to g up.. I always keeping in mind that failure is part of success and failure is a good way to go up.

This quesiton bothers me sometimes. Why can't people just take life more easily? Going broke so what? Being abandomed so what? Life is short, we're all dying so why bother yourself with questions like that? I've being through a rough childhood time but I am now happy for myself that I made it. There was a time that I cried easily and got depressed all the time. I questioned a lot about life and God and everything I was being through. However, there was one day I asked my self, why do I need to know that? I'm no philosopher or sociologist. Why these questions bother me so much? So Why can't you just think about what you're going to do tonight? Seize the day. Stop wasting your time thinking quesitons that would never have correct answers. What is the so-called HOPE? Have you ever asked yourself why do you think you need hope to live on your life? You only need air, food, and water.

Hi Debrak. Reading your sons query pretty much reminds me of where I stand with God right now. I have been raised to believe in God and His love all my life and inspite of everything I still do. I am just in a place right now where I really question if God is there or even cares. I have a friend in England who is going through the same. and have met others who just seem to have lost their faith in what God really stands for. I really cant say I have an answer for your son. I can only share what I do at te moment. I rant and question God. A lot. I do not know if God answers or cares that am at this place at this time but I just cant get to that place where I cover my feelings with the pretense of praying and understanding that God is incharge. The point is I do not feel He is paying any attention. I hate when people try to answer everything with the name of God or a bible verse punctuating every sentence. I hated it even when I felt cose to God so my present state has nothing to do with it. I can hardly find a christian who can be real and true to themselves. I just get a sense of people hiding themselves behind the bible and God's name and their comments just ends up being really irritating. They are like robots. Programmed people. For that reason I find the same perosn I am mad at to be the one to speak to. I tell Him how I feel and unlike talking to a fellow humanbeing I say exactly whats on my mind. I still have many unanswered questions (guess He hasnt gotten around to them yet) and personal experiences and set backs which still makes no sense at all. I really do not look forward to human input or advice. If during the course of interacting with people someone impresses me as being true and realistic (and believe me not many persons impress me that much where christianity is concerned), then I may take advice from those persons without them even knowing it. I have found non-christians to be some of the persons I learn real lessons from the most as they are not bogged down with the task of keeping up appearances. Many are misguided (as are many christians) but I have the ability of taking the real lesson from what they have to offer. There are a couple christians I enjoy learning from as well. I am happy I was brought up a christian and believe that this phase will pass. For me it is important that I do not put on a facade of all being well and oh God this and God that. Whenever this phase is past I must be healed and be able to truly help someone else through theirs. My friend and I rant together and pull each other back from the edge in one way or the other and I can tell you I am learning far more than if I had gone the route of pretense. My advice to your son would be for him to do the same. He is brought to this point for a reason and after all this has past he will be able to really help others past their phase. No sense applying bandaide to a serious wound. Tell him to allow God to bring Him to the place He wants Him to be rather than to allow otheers to influence his decision. If in the end his decision is influenced whether for or against God (God forbid) then the true lesson sould not have been learnt. Thats how I feel.

Hi! I know your son don't believe in God. He has said that clearly but maybe that's the reason why he's going all through life's sufferings. He hasn't called on Him that's why He keeps knocking him down, to remind your son that He exist. Life is hard to understand. But all I know is that, happiness do comes after sadness and sometimes vice-versa. If we want to survive, we just have to keep going on everyday. Ciao!

Just like you I begin to question myself about the lords presence a few years ago, it was round the time I worked really hard for a promotion and it was down to me and another guy, he didn't do much and just joined the company a couple months, I've been there almost a year and a half and put in a lot of effort at my work. But in the end I was not rewarded. It made me question whether there was a point in trying if it still would end us up in failure. So i quit my job, pack my bags, and took a small trip to clear my mind. I strongly suggest you do the same. On my trip I met many wonderful people with many different insight on the lords mysterious ways and these people they taught me many lessons which I still uphold till today, I learn to always look at the positive things, to not think about the negative. God only helps those who helps themselves. and my favorite motto to learn from which was said by a very friendly passer-by with a child and she had just gone through a divorce, her name was mikhaila and she said to me: Today is just yesterday's tomorrow. I don't know what this might mean to you, but it helped me a lot. Till today I still question why the lord makes us go through the things we do. And I have came to the conclusion that God is there, he wants us to feel life at its fullest, he won't make it easy, but he won't make it hard, so when we find that one thing, that one true item that makes us feel at peace, we would know how precious, how valuable it is, therefore we would not waste it, we would not just throw it away like some dirt, we would cherish it, meet it as its most beautiful moments and its least, we will nourish it to the best of our abilities and when its time for it to decay, we must learn that all good things come to an end. I hope I've helped you in some way. Good luck!

I wish I could help but I don't know if I can. I have had many struggles and have felt at times in the same manner as your son. I have come to a few conclusions on this though. We are all travelers and have purpose. It may be our children or their children that actually fulfill it but purpose nonetheless. I think that we must go through a certain amount of pain to enjoy the good...afterall would we really appreciate the good if we didn't know the bad? I think that we have to become who we are supposed to be and sometimes this comes through not so great means. He will be who he is because of his hardships. He will grow stronger and be more intelligent because of them too. Concentrating on good times keeps them close. Seeing the good through the bad helps us move forward. We have to rebuild and maintain to keep anything beautiful. We grow old and die but it is not without purpose. It kind of boils down to what it is that you want as to what it means. The richest most powerful people can be empty and hollow inside. First you have to ask yourself what it is exactly that you want from your life. Good luck.

Debra I will reply here as good as I can James need to realize Life is a Trial and it will only deal us things we can cope with eventually I have been through these trials and no doubt will have more to come The thing is he needs to fight I shall shortly list here what I have been through Age 5 ---- raped for 2 years by a Family Member Age 12 ---- raped by a Family Friend age 18 ---- had a choice of giving Se* or get a beating, I took the Beating age 20 ----- got married to a Man I thought would respect, love me, turned into a Monster and we had been courting for 2 years before getting married for 21 years I went through physical, verbal and mental abuse , my Children kept me going Then Diagnosed with my Illness at the age of 41, after being healthy, fit and active all the time, being reduced to now, My Son nearly killed by his Ex Fiancee and her fancy Man And plenty more I have come through it, I believe in God in my own way, and the fact is, I have learned that God puts you through the Trials but he also gives you the Strength to fight, but you have to take the Strength, the Strength is to always think of the People that do love you, that stand by you, As a child I was alone, I never told anyone till I was 26, because I had a row with my Mum, it is only since then that my Mum and me have found one another, as a Child I used to hear that it was wished I had not been born, but that is all behind my Mum and me now, we are great now, I can't undo the past, I can't hold it against my Mum as you only ever have one Mum, in my Marriage, I had my lovely Children that kept me strong, I knew they needed me and they needed to be pointed in the right direction of Life, their Dad was more interested in his Social Life and other Women, There is lots more, but I just want James to know that God will only be able to offer him the Strength for the Trial he has been put on, it is up to James what he does with the Strength and if he accepts it As you can see I do know what I am talking about I hope this helps him a bit and tell him to take the Strength

I hope you pass this on to James. First of all I think you are being way to immature and selfish. You say that life sucks….I think its your view of life that sucks…just look around you and you will see so many people with situations worse than yours (though I am saying this only with respect to your two divorces, I don’t know if you have any other specific problem)…people whose entire life and labour of a lifetime have been lost due to no fault of theirs…yet like a phoenix, they are rising and rebuilding in the hope of a better tomorrow. As long as you breathe, there is hope and its in your hands to shape your future. If you are disillusioned with family life, take a break…go and do some voluntary work for society, stay amongst the underprivileged and orphaned children and see how they are struggling for a better future. See if you can help them in any way…the old and infirm who yearn for a loving touch, go spend some time with them and see how the fire of hope burns brightly in those hazy eyes, though that hope might by only to see sun the next day. There is so much to do in life if marriage and family fails you… And God is not a selfish parent…rather He is a strict parent with most of us (exceptions are those who are destiny’s child)…He helps us only if we help ourselves…He has given us everything…intelligence, analytical powers, physical strength, a loving family (considering the fact that your mom has taken the trouble to put this up for you)…what exactly are you lacking in? Love of spouse is not the only love in this world, just as starting and continuing with a family is not the only goal.

sometimes I ask that question too when I was in trouble. I'll pm you and try to give the best answer eventhough I'm still young but I'll try to cheer up and give an answer for your son.. I personally think it's all about our choice what we want to feel about events that happened in our life.. I'll describe it more in my email to him.. Thank you^^,,

-all pains and sorrows need a long period of time to heal, as they said time heals.. everyone deserves to be happy because life is so short to spend all your time in sorrow and keep thinking of those broken past.. it is not easy to move on,it requires supporting bodies and you are lucky enough that you still have your mom to support you.. just come to think of this question..Do you want to spend your whole life with misery ? I guess you won't..all you have to do is to think positive, you deserve to be happy, you can start a new life.

I just feel that James is looking only at the darker side of life. Why is he not thinking that he has a lovely mother who cares about his life? Why is he not thinking that he was charming enough to have 2 marriages? It is all about how we take it or deal with it. If I were in his place, I would take the brighter side of life and keep going. Whatever makes you happy, just do that. Instead of reading this discussion forum and knowing what others have to say about your life...why not make your life so beautiful that others take it as an example and live like you. Please don't blame God...if anything bad has happened to you it is because of our misunderstandings or mistakes. Neither God nor parents can ever think of harming their children... Live life rather than curse it...It is precious...Don't worry your mom by ruining your life. Live happily and make her happy :-) Wish you a great life.take care.

Have you ever heard that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger? God never gives us more than we can handle. I know you don't want to hear it but you can not expect God to draw near to you if you do not draw near to Him. God doesn't just spend time trying to make all of our lives better. Ever read the book of Job? Job had everything taken from him but still he called upon God and things got better in the end. The truth is everything happens for a reason and everything works together for good. So draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Know that everything isn't going to always be peachy keen. God's road is narrow not wide.

I have questioned it before when I was in the lowest point of my life. Is there a God? Why is it there's so much suffering, etc..? I found the answer to this question when I repented from all my sins and gave my life entirely to God. That's it! My questions were answered. Please stop asking why. Many of us believe in God but we don't give ourselves entirely to Him. We only ask for blessing, a good family, a successful career, etc. Yet have we asked God to come into our life? To rule in our life? There are still trials and hardships, it's unavoidable but when God rules in our life, we have a Father and a Friend to ease and help us carry our burden.

marriage is a willful

About four years ago I was left at the altar, sort of. My fiance broke off the wedding two weeks prior to the event. It shattered me. I felt like I could just lay down and die. Then a year after that, I found someone who helped me through. During my most depressing times, I questioned God. I asked him specifically why he let that happen to me. Then, when I met my current boyfriend, that was all answered. I learned that I was better, much better off without the one that I was intending to marry. You see, he was a mental abuser. God is not an absent parent at all. He is there and he does know what is best for us. When something bad happens, we like to blame it on him. The truth is, he never promised us that things wouldn't go wrong. He's there far more than you know. Sometimes, it seems like he isn't there because we shut him out. I have to disagree that God doesn't deserve any respect. He certainly does. No matter how down I have been in my life, I always look for that something to be thankful for. For instance, when I was homeless, I had a car to sleep in and a blanket to cover up with. When I didn't have a dime to my name, even though I was working, I got very hungry. Amazingingly, I had done something at work that they claimed to be above and beyond, which to me was simply doing my job, so they gave me a gift certificate. I was able to eat that day. I am thankful for that. God is there and he deserves so much more respect than people are willing to give him. I regret terribly that I ever questioned his existence. That was one of my weakest moments in my life and I can truly say I will never doubt him again!! I hope that things begin to look up for you soon. I know that it's a rough road to travel, but it always gets better, it just takes time.

I wish I could help you. I don't know why things are the way they are, but I know how you feel . I know because I'm there myself and wish someone would tell me why too. It hurts so much and I don't really want it to go on anymore. Quite honestly I think that it's great that you tried to love again. I'm not sure I can. As far as God is concerned, you should try being betrayed by your mother and sister. I kind of want to turn my back on God and my family. I'm so sorry for what you're going through just know you're not the only one going through it and at least you have the love and support of your mom. You're pretty lucky

my sympathies are with you and your son. i am not sure my response will help, but here i go - i am sorry to say this but to me god is man's last refuge to his own ignorance and weakness. what we are unable to explain, we relate it to god, be it a failure, incurable disease etc. i generally quote the example of leprosy. a few decades back it was considered as god's curse, today it is a curable disease. see...just because we have found an answer to leprosy it is no longer related to god. to me the main reason why we fail is because we are unable to match our expectations with our capabilities. we are always running towards what we cannot achieve and probably don't even need. no one is perfect but demands perfection from others. aspirations are ever increasing and we fail to judge our capabilities. this will always lead to disappointment. no one is perfect and the sooner you realize that the better life you will lead. we all get a chance to fail and also a chance to make it good. if we can succeed in first we can definitely succeed in second. my best wishes to you

Hi, I am sorry for the pain your James is enduring. Divorce is never pain-free, but to experience pain from the same kind of situation must be an unbelivable crush. I went through a divorce and vowed never to do it again, I've been happily unmarried for many years now. I just recently realized that I am happier than I have in a very long time. I never thought about what James has asked here until reading this post. I found numerous hurts flowing up after reading it. I think we remember the hurtful events in our live, more that the happy ones, because the hurts act as defend mechanisms. For example, if a child touches something hot he gets burned, if he is tempted to touch again, his defend mode reminds him of the previous pain. Then he has the choice to touch and get burned, again, or walk away pain-free. I was so devastated when I got divorced, that I hid it from my family, not living in the same state and my co-workers, for three years. I finally took off my rings, in other word. I went on with my life after that, and it just got better and better and still climbing. If James can remember the stages he went through the first time he got divorced, he knows that this too shall pass. Then, he should take some time for himself, purify his life with wholesome people and activities and true love will find, HIM! God bless.

hello ma'am debrakcarey gud day to you and your son james everyone must have said what they needed to say so i'm just adding my point of view... i'm not saying that what i will share is the most appropriate one but i will try to present it as clearly as possible... so i HOPE that this could help... the only things certain in this world is change... nothing's permanent... as the world spins fast, so as our lives... in a minute, you can choose to be happy or sad, that's how fast we people can change... all it takes is a big leap of DECISION... what makes us so sad? think of those things that breaks your heart... and you'll realize that you spend so much time just thinking of those ugly things, and get what? another bagful of heartaches that adds up to your sorrows and eventually lose your will to seek hope... and the moment you realize it, you'll know what you really missed... TIME... time that passed can never be retrieved... remember that... it doesn't need science, religion or philosophy just to prove it... now, given the time to choose the path you have to take, will you choose to dwell in your past and continually drown in this unending abyss knowing that you can't change any of it? or will you step up, take courage and face your life with people whom you know that your suffering is their suffering and your happiness is their happiness? personally, i am really touched with your mother's effort to put up a discussion like this, believing that you will find hope just by hearing/reading our opinions... i know you're looking for answers... and i also hope that you'll find it soon... i want you to know that i am a Christian and i found my answers in Christ... and i didn't receive it because i just asked, but because i decided to be taught by Him... Psalms 90:10-12 speaks about someone asking God to teach him to number his days so he may gain wisdom on how to live his life... i've read that you said "life with no meaning isn't life at all"... well, you're right... and the meaning of our life is to live for others... a passenger's life would be meaningless if no one decides to be his driver, and a doctor would never be a profession if no one takes the role of a patient... your mother chose to live for you, to help and support you... so value your life even just for your loving mother... in doing so, you make both of your lives meaningful... for the last time... i ought you to STICK with people who LOVES YOU AND CARES FOR YOU... with them, you'll learn that there is so much more reasons to live your wonderful life... God bless you always big brother James... :)

All I can do is answer from my own personal experience. When I am hurt, especially emotionally, then it seems like the good times fade and all the bad times come flooding back. I can definitely relate to that. However, as time goes on and the hurt subsides, I begin to remember all the good and fun times, and the bad ones seem to fade. There are things that bring the bad memories back, of course, but they don't stay for long. Overall, the good times seem to be the ones that stick with me, but that might be due to my personality. I try to look for the good in any situation, although sometimes it is extremely difficult to find it. When you are focused on the good, then the hurtful stuff doesn't seem quite as bad.