It's My Life! I'm Not Hurting Anyone!
By ParaTed2k
@ParaTed2k (22940)
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
July 28, 2009 8:09am CST
A good friend of mine once admitted to me that he is gay. Only a couple of people know this about him... his wife is one of them. He loves being a husband and father, and knows he is doing what is best for his family.
He made a choice in his life that a lot of people would discourage him from keeping. They would say he's "living a lie" or "not being true to himself". But he and his wife (and I) would strongly disagree with that.
He made choices in life that came with responsibilities. He doesn't make excuses, nor does he put himself in a position where he needs to. If he has any regrets, they are put aside because he would rather live with whatever regrets he might feel than destroy the family that he chose to be part of.
To me, he is one of the most honorable, honest people living today. He isn't wallowing in self pity, trying to justify cheating on his wife, or putting his kids through the pain of a broken home.
He is doing something frowned on by our "It's my life" society. He is putting the needs of his family first, and accepting the consequences and benefits of the choices he's made.
It's his life, he's not hurting anyone! It's ironic how many people would say that in his defense if he decided to "come out", but wouldn't care how many people they hurt if given the opportunity to "out" him.
10 people like this
8 responses
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
28 Jul 09
he not full blown gay he's bi. and to me if he knew he was gay before he got married then he shouldnt have gotten married.
but to me if he is messing with a dude on the side, it's cheating and it's wrong. now if his wife is ok with it. then hey
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
28 Jul 09
So you're here to decide what choice he "should" have made in his life?
1 person likes this
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
28 Jul 09
SO what if he is Bi, gay, strait or loves purple aliens. He made a choice as to what type of family he wanted to be in and he stands by his choice. More people should stand by their choices and then we wouldn't have the excuses we have for bad behavior. Good for him.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
28 Jul 09
Thanks, I agree!
Just think of how tragic it would be if someone decided that since he is gay (bi, or whatever) he should be "outted" against his will.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
28 Jul 09
I don't know if I agree with that last part.
I think a lot of people aren't happy in their sitution, but stay in the situation because they would rather accept the misery than impose misery on others. In putting others first, they accept the consequences and benefits... even if the benefit is for someone else.
Now, I'm not talking about people who make themselves martyrs in the eyes of others. Those who sit around complaining about how awful life is, but how wonderful they must be to endure it.
I am talking about people who are miserable with decisions they made in their lives, but know that changing the situation might make them happier, but would make people they love miserable.
In other words, those who don't think life is "all about me".
Of course, there are also those who think they are doing this, but are so miserable they are making those who they think they are protecting miserable too. So don't read the above as an all inclusive thing.
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
28 Jul 09
It sounds as though the important people in his life know so what other people think is just miscellaneous. Many people just want to be able to say I did that not thinking about the hearts they break along the way. Not to mention if he is happy with his life then he is not living a lie. Pretending to be the happy husband and father would be the lie.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
28 Jul 09
He is truly a loving and caring man. His wife is too. It must be very difficult for both of them. I wonder if the children notice that Mom and Dad are not 'close' and how that will affect them in their future relationships though.
We live in a very complicated world.
I don't think there is a right or wrong when it comes to being gay-it just is.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
28 Jul 09
You wouldn't know a thing by watching them. I don't know if their love is more like brother or sister or husband and wife, but their devotion to each other and their kids is unmistakeable.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I actually admire this man for putting his children and family ahead of his own needs. He is obviously a very caring and loving man. I also feel bad for the man. So many men have felt the need to cover their sexuality to avoid the repercussions from a society or a family that does not accept that their son could be gay. Whatever the reason, many have married either as a cover up. Then when they get brave enough or whatever the reason they come out of the proverbial closet. At that point....they do hurt people and especially when kids are involved. As you know, I'm big on defending gay people and their rights but still .....sometimes we make choices and the right thing to do is to just accept the consequences. His conviction is admirable.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I think it's his choice. He made his bed so to speak. As long as no one is getting hurt (as you have said) so what. It isn't anyones business but his and his wifes.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
28 Jul 09
Isn't it interesting that those who like to "out" people also say that "it's nobody's business but..."
@studentabe (109)
• Belgium
29 Jul 09
Yes, he is altruistic and know what's the responsibility of a man.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
28 Jul 09
I remember the movie stars who were homosexuals or had a preference for men. They stayed married to their wives, even though instead of the four or so children the other movie stars had, they had only one. And their child did not bear the humiliation of going from one parent to another. If they broke up it was for other reasons. Everyone in this world has sins and something to fight against, greed, covetousness, another man's wife, beauty, etc. It takes courage for a man to resist this desire and put it down. Your friend is a courageous man and should be admired rather then pitied.
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
28 Jul 09
I think he is doing a really great thing! He can put others before his self and that is such a nice thing to do, not a lot of people would do that! Aslong as he is happy then there is no harm in it! Like you say, he isnt hurting anyone. People shouldnt judge him for that, they should take a look at their own lives and they will probably realise plenty of things they have done wrong. There is nothing wrong ith being gay though, so he should be afraid to come out.
BUT! It is his choice, and he shouldnt let anyone presure him into doing any different to what he wants! Tell him i think he is great and an inspiration 
