I miss my Mom!

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July 11th was the 10 year anniversary of my Moms death. I don't even know why they call it an anniversary, since it's certainly not an event to be celebrated. Even though it has been 10 years, I still miss her terribly. I like remembering her and thinking about all the things she has said and done, but if I linger too long I think about how she died and it brings back all the pain and grief. My Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1998 and passed away from this horrible illness a year and a half year later. She was only 59 and was looking forward to enjoying retirement with my Dad. She was the most wonderful lady I have ever known. She was loving, caring and selfless. She was a mother hen and always made sure her little ones were taken care off, no matter how old they were. She told me once that she doesn't care how old I am, I will always be her baby. I am the youngest of five (we were 6 for a short while) children, so she doted on me a lot, especialy after my little sister passed away at the age of 1. The night she died, was the most horrible night of my life. My brother came knocking on my door at 2 in the morning and I knew then that this was what I was afraid off. The doctor has already come and gone by the time we got there and has given my Mom a strong painkiller. I held her hand until she passed away. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I knew that this was the least I could do for her. This moment haunts me to this day, but I would do it again if I had to, because I love my Mom and she would have done the same for me, no matter how painful. I urge everybody out there to love your Mom with all their heart and show it every change you get, because you don't know how long you will have her around. I know I will always miss her, but I hope it will get easier to talk about her as more years pass. Pancreatic cancer is a horrible disease and if you ever have a chance to take part in a walk for the cure or something similar, please consider doing so. I know I certainly will. Do you have a hard time to talk about deceased loved ones? Do you try to help to fight cancer?