So he told you he Cheated....
By x_Jo_x
@x_Jo_x (1040)
July 30, 2009 10:15am CST
If your partner came to you and told you he had cheated, would you ask who with? Would you want to know or would that make things worse. What if it was with someone who you knew, or worse - a close friend or family member! If you find out it is one of them, would it be harder to forgive?
If it was me, I think it would be easier not to know. I would be forever imagining him with that person, and also I would lose a friend too if i was close to the person. Or would never trust him with that person again, like if it was a work friend or someone he couldnt avoid, i would hate it. Or if we saw her crossing the street it would make me so angry. So in many ways, to me, it seems so much easier not to know the identity - The crime in itself is bad enough, does it really matter who he did it with? He did it! Thats the main thing.
But if im honest, I think curiosity/anger/emotions would get the better of me, and i would demand to know who it was.
What do you think? What would you do?
2 people like this
17 responses
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
30 Jul 09
I'd have to know! It would drive me crazy trying to figure out who it was if I didn't know! And then every time I'd see him talk to another girl, I'd think she was the one. I would be suspicious of all of our friends. It would not be good! I'd end up being angry at people that did nothing wrong! I feel that if I knew who it was, then I could work on getting past it and moving on. If I didn't know, I'd be spending all my energy obsessing over who it might be, and I wouldn't be able to move on.
1 person likes this
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
30 Jul 09
Yes, that would be difficult. And I guess if I saw him talking to another girl than the one he cheated on me with I might think, "Is he going to cheat on me with her too? He did it before. What's to stop him from doing it again?" I would definitely have a lot of trust issues after something like that. But even so, I'd still rather know!
1 person likes this
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
30 Jul 09
Yep thats what i think i would be like. But dont you think it would then be equally difficult seeing him talking to a girl that you KNEW he has slept with? having your suspicions confirmed could just make things worse. Or they could make things a lot better like you say, then you could move on!
@nympha687 (940)
• United States
30 Jul 09
I don't think I could take it but I won't ask anymore questions. I'd rather ask for him to let me go. That's the worst offense in any relationship.
1 person likes this
@dreamr802 (985)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I completely agree with you, if someone cheats on me, that is it I am done with the relationship because that is so insulting.
@my_name_is_coco (4333)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
if he comes to me and tells me that he cheated,I prefer that he tells me why and who he did it with.I would prefer to know before I leave him.I can't never be with someone who cheated on me,so I would leave him.cheating,whether he tells you about it or not,is not acceptable.it is really painful.
1 person likes this
@ladyrara (26)
• United States
30 Jul 09
well yeah I would ask with who.. just because I would want to know who it was.. then I would ask why and for how long/how many times.
I wouldn't forgive him no matter who it was with. I don't tolerate cheating at all.I would break up with him. theres no excuse for cheating
If it was with a friend or family member I wouldnt speak to them either I would break all ties with them.
How could you ever trust them again.
1 person likes this
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
30 Jul 09
Yep that is true, it woud definatly be hard to ever trust them again. Always the thought of "Will he do it again?". I think it is possible but would take a LOT of time. And he would need to earn your trust back again. By doing things like sleeping on the sofa until you are ready to share again. And not give you physical contact until you want him to. He needs to slow down and go at your speed if he wants any chances. I wouldnt stick at the relationship lightly. If i was 100% serious about the guy, totally loved him and had a life with him (House etc, maybe kids) then i would give him one chance, just ONE. If he messed up again then its over, no questions asked. That would be part of an argreement i would make him agree to before he got the first chance
@reco13 (605)
• Philippines
30 Jul 09
That's a very hard question. I don't want to get into a situation like this but maybe if it happened, I would still want to know who is the third party. I know that I have the right to know because he's my partner. He cheated me so he might want to be honest this time. Honesty and trust are very important for me. I believe I gained my partner's trust because I'm honest to him. I want him to be the same with me. If he has cheated on me, he needs to tell me who that person is because I won't stop until I finally know her. If my partner asked for forgiveness sincerely, I would forgive him. But I have to warn him that this should not happen again because I can't forgive him anymore if he cheated me again.
And if I found out that he cheated me because of my friend, I guess I can't forgive my friend. My friends know me well and they know how much I love my partner, so they should also know how mad I will be if they betray me.
1 person likes this
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
30 Jul 09
Yep, once cheating is bad and twice is definatly a big NO! Not that once should be tollerated either really, but for love i think most of us would give it another go. Yep honestly and trust are two key things in a relationship. Without them you have nothing, i dont think either of those should ever be broken, so to maintain trust - you should always be honest! Im not sure i could forgive a friend, they are someone who you expect to always be there for you no matter what, and for them to betray me like that would hurt so much! You dont do that to a friend
@travelingtheworld (98)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I would definitely want to know with who, because when someone cheats, it's never just ONE person's fault, there is another person involve that also caused the problem. I would want to know because like you said, if it was someone close to me, then there's some serious issues that needs to be figured out. Otherwise, if I never found out, maybe the person would do it again! That's just unacceptable. It's true that once I know who it is, I may hate the other person because I think that's just a normal reaction. If it is someone close to me like a family member or a close friend, the betrayal would be even worse. But still, it's better to find out from the beginning rather than never knowing and having them do it over and over again.
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
31 Jul 09
Yep definatly a good reason to know who it was. He might lie to you and be like "Shes just a friend, nothings going on" and you might belive that, then find out that was the girl he cheated on you with. That would hurt. Also if you know that way maybe you can keep them appart, and say if you see them together its over or something. Bit harsh, but they deserve it!
@lazeebee (5461)
• Malaysia
31 Jul 09
I have to know, else I would be suspecting every single female in the neighborhood, in his office, even in the world! And that's real mental torture! I don't know what I will do - forgive, sue him for adultery or torture him back (mentally or physically)!
@nitu1952 (286)
• India
31 Jul 09
basically one is living in such a world where to cheat someone is like a play. everyone wants money by hook or crook. if my friend ha\s told me that he is cheated by someone then i as definitely asked him the name by whom he is being cheated. one provides the possible help to our friends.
@chi2nasrin (1101)
• Malaysia
31 Jul 09
Cheated me? I would want to know. Then I will leave him, I don't care if he's really sorry or whatever but this is one of the act that I will never forgive and forget. Been there and done that, it really hurts and I don't think I want to repeat it again.
@mel13088 (265)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I'm really close to my boyfriend. We've been together 2 1/2 years and he is my best friend. I don't think he would cheat on me but if he did, I wouldn't want to know who he cheated on me with. It would only make me feel worse about myself. It would make my self-confidence go down. I'd feel like I didn't matter and that I had seriously been lied to. I would be so hurt that I wouldn't be able to handle hearing who he cheated with.
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
31 Jul 09
i agree with you that i would rather not to know if a close friend or family member is cheating me . i just couldn't stand this . Therefore we can never cheat our close friends and famlily members . Cheating could be a cancer to end the intimate relationship.
@karenrosesalazar (256)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
I would definitely ask with whom and why he would do that. I guess I deserve to know. If i don't ask him that then I'll forever be tortured with the thought of who, why, how, when. I know it would hurt but not knowing would just drive me crazy. At least when I already know the details then I can deal with it, get rid of the cheating loser and move on.;)
@sirkana15 (106)
• Philippines
30 Jul 09
I would want to know who that person is...i do believe that trust and honesty is very important in every relationship..if it hurts, then it should. no relationships remain perfect til the end...there are always flaws and mistakes along the way...the important thing is to forgive and give each other a chance..but if he does it again..I'll call it quits...
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
30 Jul 09
Yep, everyone makes mistakes. And i would like to be fair in a relationship. If they were open and told me what had happened i would give them a second chance if i could. Because if i ended up in that situation (Not that i would ever do that, unless drunk or something) I would want them to try and forgive me too. But definatly, more than once i couldnt forgive. No trust at all would be left after that, and atleast until they had earnt that trust back i would end that relationship
@blu33y3s (26)
• Philippines
31 Jul 09
Thats a very tough question and I don't really know if I can handle the situation if thats happen to me. a very painful moment. so I don't really know what would I feel, frankly speaking I don't know the answer.but as for my opinion I wanna know who's that person would be and I will hire a killer hahaha just joking.. but I came to appoint that I'm imagining that I'm in the position of the victim and if I love him/her I will forgive him/her if he/she confessed and asking forgiveness and promise that he/she never do that again but not easy to forget what they did. or maybe I will give him/her space to think about what he/she did because if your partner did it to you it means there are something wrong with your relationship. and if he/she loves you he/she wont make u cry or did something that cause you pain.
@308369666 (111)
• China
31 Jul 09
Results is not important, the key is the reason, why did he lie to you, there is no alternative to, or other reasons. If I was fooled by a friend I would be very upset, but I would also like to know why he lied to me.
@shijingshan (23)
• China
31 Jul 09
I very much agree with your point of view,I feel the liar is now too much. In fact,if you encourtered such a thing, Itis necessary to think a bout opening point, in fact,this is your first experience of life is it?
