Had to send my daughter away and it was hard
By Polly289
@Polly289 (269)
New Zealand
July 31, 2009 8:43pm CST
Here's the thing. Earlier this year and in the wee smalls of the morning, my 11 yr old daughter took it upon herself to go joyriding in her grandmothers car. Not once but twice. The first time her nan was away in Mexico on holiday and the second, well, let's just say. She totally wrecked the car and her grans trust in her. I am thankful noone was hurt by her actions, and even more grateful she was not killed.
My family and I got together and decided the best thing was to send her away as a punishment. Not to a horrible camp or anything but to my elder sisters'. I think it's been more like a holiday than a punishment. I miss my sulky pre-teen very much. The thing I can't get straight in my head is, did I make the right decision sending her away? I'm about ready to cave-in and tell her to come home. Don't know.
2 people like this
6 responses
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I guess you need to decide on why you sent her to your sister's house and what your desired outcome is. Then you should be able to tell if you did the right thing or not. I don't mean by that that what you did was wrong at all... as long as you had a reason for sending her away and a purpose you wished to achieve in doing so... just to send her away for the sake of sending her away is only rejecton because you didn't like her actions.. but if you're trying to help her it will have the desired outcome!
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
1 Aug 09
Thanks for that. I think the desired outcome was for her to realize she couldn't do the wrong thing and get away with it. At the time she showed absolutely no remorse. I now know she's hurting inside and wants to come home but I had made it clear to her that she's to stay with her aunt until the end of the year.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
1 Aug 09
If you don't mind me saying.. you need to stick by your word then or it will be meaningless later...
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
1 Aug 09
Parents always get worries about their kids . If my kid does same thing as your daughter we would be more worried indeed . Well sometimes it might be good to send her away for others to instruct her. My sisiter often sends her daughter to my home. i take her to movies and to have a walk . She is very happy.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
12 Apr 10
I guess I'm kind of missing the point in sending her away...why would you send her on a holiday for stealing a car (twice) and wrecking it??? A more suitable punishment might be to make her work to pay off the damages...raking the lawn, cleaning the garage, whatever you can think of for her to do for both you and her grandmother.
I guess I'm thinking that by sending her on a holiday, it's like rewarding her for bad behavior.
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** 
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b] @sid556 (30959)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I've raised 4 girls who all turned out very decent and even with that, I could not tell you if you are doing the right thing or not. It is so so hard. All of my girls were different and what was right for one ...would not be for the other. You have to just follow your heart and pray for the best. Your intent is in the right place so don't worry. There is no right and wrong in these things. Even if it doesn't work out...your daughter will get it....you just are wanting her to do right...she'll get your message. Don't give up. If it doesn't work, try something else. I know it is hard but stick it out. Tough love...it works in the end. At 11 if she has already taken the car out twice, you are in for a seriously crazy ride if you don't put your foot down hard right now.
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
1 Aug 09
I've a feeling she's got the message but I'm going to give my sister who, I have to say, works with children and is very good at it, the chance to see what she can do. She's no walk in the park and very firm but the love is there.
Thanks so much for the advice.
I have two elder sons and they were no trouble at all. So here's hoping, eh?
@Purplelaurii77 (157)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Having many troubles with my 16 year old daaughter I must say do whatever it takes. If your elder sister can keep her in line then keep her there. I am weak when it comes to my daughter and that is why she was hauled off to jail today. Please do all it takes to gain control of your child before she gets too far away from you. If your elder sister is a vacation then find some other person that will make her tow the line but do it now. Best of luck to you and You and your daughter will be in my prayers.
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
1 Aug 09
Poor you. I have been. The first time she took the car, it was lucky I had woken up. The problem was I had too younger children at home. It was 2oclock in the morning and I had to walk to the Police station in my pjs. I did it though. And, lucky for me, they were onto the situation then and there.
Have never had troublesome children before so I'm a novice when it comes to this so thank you and bless you and yours.
