After having your first baby....no life??

I'm 25 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now. I really don't want to get married yet because I don't want to have a child yet for fear of losing my freedom. I'm just not ready. I want to enjoy myself. I don't know when I'll be ready, but if my boyfriend asks me to get married then I will marry him. I guess that if I'm going to have a baby I will do it for my love for my boyfriend. But I will make sure that we share the responsibility of taking care of our child so that I would not lose my freedom entirely.

I'm truly amazed when people say things like that. Honey, your life definitely isn't over. It's just begun so maybe it's slowed you down a little but never ever believe that it's over. Give you an example: I was 17 when I had my eldest. Like yourself the father wasn't involved much if at all. I went to work, learned all I could learn in my particular field. Had some fun along the way - got married to another man and had more children (bless them) and am still having a life. I'm almost fifty, still have 3 young children at home but who cares. I can still be who I want to be and do what I want to do. You go be all you can be, not just for yourself, but your little man. He deserves that. Oh and don't forget to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him.

Your life isn't over, it's actually just begun. And, it's a bit different. You aren't a terrible mother if you go out - you do have to have some fun also. But you have to make sure your baby is property taken care of while you are out. And, make sure you're actually being a mom and not just handing the baby off to someone so you can go play all the time.

After having your first baby........ Hello Kkoranek, sorry to hear about the baby's father. It sounds as if he is not interested in the baby at all. Well that just shows his immaturity and you are probably better off without him around. I hate to sound so crude but the baby is probably a lot better off without him too. I'm just telling it to you the way it is. As for you, you are still very young, you still have your whole life a head of you. Although it will be hard at times you will get through this and you will meet up with somebody else some day that will love you and your baby. If you get the chance to go out, just be sure to leave your baby with someone that you really trust to care for him or her. If you live near your parents don't feel bad about asking them to pitch in and help out on occasions. After all they are the grandparents. So they shouldn't mind helping you out every now and then. On that same note, you shouldn't try to take advantage of their generosity or soon they will be fed up and will not want to help. Just ask them every now and then if they wouldn't mind helping you out because you would like to have a break. Luckily for me I was married so my hubby helped out when my children were younger. Even though I still had to wind up doing the bulk of the work. I had no family around so it was just he and I that had to weather the storms. Well our children are teens today and looking back over the years when they were younger. I would have never thought that one day they would be able to do almost everything for their selves. The reason I'm saying this is to let you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. While they are young and very much in need of your help. You need to be that devoted mother/parent. Your child will need you now more than any other time in their life. So what if you have to miss out on a few parties? But you are responsible now for helping to create the fun and good times in another life. So you need to try to do the best that you can for him or her. Take your breaks every now and then but try to gain strength from knowing that you are being a good mom and that you are doing the best thing that you can possibly do for your children. One day they will not need you around. So that will be your time to do whatever you want. But right now while they are still young and very much in need of you, go on and spend time with them, loving them and trying to instill in them the love that your parents, hopefully was able to give to you. As for the baby's dad, no need in wasting precious time fretting over him. In due time he may come back but if not, at least you weren't stagnant. You will be able to pat yourself on the back for having raised a child to become a successful and competent adult. Wishing you all the best. In the past there have been many single parents that have done it alone. If they can do it, you can do. You simply need to forget about self for a while and focus on doing whatever it takes to bring your child up the right way. Hope this has been helpful to you. PS: If the Father of the child is working, be sure to file for child support. At least that will be something to help out financially! Not to mention the fact that it will teach old boy that he can't go around and keep making babies and not taking care of them. This isn't to get back at him but more or less it's for the welfare of your child. Happy mylot.

I am also a single mom in my twenties. My son is still a few months old now. I agree with you about that bit on going out. My friends would call me, but it seems to me, if I agree to go out with them, I'm not being a good mom. Now I only stay at home, and even work at home as a virtual assistant. If ever I do go out... my son has to be with me. To compensate, I would shop online. I think that's the only way I can please myself at the moment... wothout being too guilty.

Kkoranek23, Your life isn't over, it's just a different life than you had before your son was born. I had my first child when I was 22 years old, and it was quite an adjustment period for me. I was used to being able to go out whenever I wanted. I loved to go to the karaoke bars to sing. I loved to be able to make decisions at the spur of the moment, and yes I too believed that my life had just begun. It took about 2-years for me to completely embrace the new life that I had after Kathryn was born. I felt very alone because none of the friends that I had prior to her birth were in the same chapter of life as I was in. I didn't know where to find anyone that had a life similar to my own. It was very difficult. I did, however, eventually join a Moms of Preschoolers group and later a local playgroup where I have made many new friends and made friends for my children. It has been an absolute godsend for me. My best advice, find a group of people who are in a similar situation as you and you will find that you do indeed have a life.

Your baby boy sounds delightful and you have had a pregnancy looking forward to meeting you dear little baby. Since May you have had time to get to know you little bundle of joy. However the sleepless nights can be tiring and all the washing can be boring. I know that it does get easier once a first time mother gets used to having her baby. Most feel like a terrible mother at the beginning but that is usually far form the truth. It is a shame you little boy's father isn't helpful. You can do an excellent job on your own though. I suggest that you go to a mother and baby group to make friends with other babies. You could discuss how you feel on any parenting issues on My Lot. It is a very friendly place to come for discussion. My third baby was born on 27th June 2009 and she is so delightful. I simply adore her and am really enjoying caring for her. The evenings can be challenging with the colic. She wakes a lot at night. However she is worth all this. I felt like I didn't have the same confidence when I had my first son. I was 22 years old when I had him. My life revolved around his every mood at first until I got into a routine. When I had my second son at age 34 I had and still have many more friends that are parents. Good luck.

i think it is great that you are such a wonderful, loving and devoted mom. and i agree that you should not be going out and leaving your child firstly since you are the only parent and secondly because when we decide to have a child we need to grow up, no matter what our age, and just suck it up and do the right thing. if going out is important then having a child is not an option. if you go out once in awhile to have coffee with a friend or out to dinner with a friend and you have a very reliable babysitter then that is fine. be careful who you trust to care for your child and you will not have to worry if on the rare occasion you do go out. if going out and partying is what you are referring to then by all means that is inappropriate for a parent of any age.

Just relax, i think that you're just feeling guilty every time you want to go out with friends because you feel that you are still young to take all those responsibilities. At first, you will have to undergo those adjustments and you will always have to think on what's best for your son. but don't ever think of your so-called life to be over, it's just the beginning girl. Believe me, i was then 19 years old when i had my daughter. Think about your future with your son, don't waste time in thinking about your social life. Move on!

Hi, I become father in Oktober 2007. Have a little son too. I am so happy to have this little guy around me. I can`t understand how a real man can leave his own son. He must be stupid or something. Belive me, he isn`t it worth to be with you and your son if he leaves you. Just be happy to have a healthy baby. Nothing else matters. Just enjoy the time you can share with him. And, you can still go out, if you have someone else that takes care of him. You have the right to life too. You are not a terrible mother if you try to have some fun for yourself.

Hello, I was 16 when I had my daughter. I am 18 now. It dose feel like your life has ended. But you have to realize if you don't go out once in awil then you aint giving your self a break. Everyone needs a break because they also have to take care of themselves. So no you are not a terrible mom for wanting to go out once in awail you just need a break. I think that the only way you can be the best mom ever is if you also take care of your self. So go out have a good time it dose not make you a terrible mom. That is so wrong that the dad dose not care. I go out once in awail and yes at first I do feel bad, but once I get home I feel alright because then I know sence I took some time out and took care of myself I was able to take care of her and not be so stressed out. It is just that you feel better you are not so stressed out. So it is easier to give your full attention to the baby and not get frustrated that easily. So go out and have fun. i hope my advice helps you.

Oh yes .. before you have children you cannot being to understand what impact they will have on your life. Every minute of the day they come before you and it does make it hard to have a life, but im sure once they get a little older and are more independant you cant start to get out and experience life again, well thats what i am telling myself anyway lol