Once A Mother, Always A Mother...
@danishcanadian (28955)
Canada
August 1, 2009 7:18pm CST
First off, kudos to my husband vladilyich1 (here on MyLot) for helping me out, and sticking by me. In a previous post I vented about why it's so hard for some people to SUPPORT others, and why they have to get all defensive, and make the other person not want to come to them in the first place.
Tonight I had a fantastic chat with my mother. She was initially worried when I suggested borrowing a wheelchair for a few days to get up the hill to the new temporary bus stop.
She worried about the hills, but worried with a lot of motherly emotion. Now one thing my mother grappled with all my life is that her little daughter is so used to thinking outside of the box, that I can do things most able-bodied people wouldn't even comprehend. Hey, I have to if I'm going to make it in an able-bodied world, don't I?
Well, her emotion resulted in my frustration, and me hanging up on her. I was THAT frustrated, and I RARELY get THAT frustrated.
I went ahead, got the wheelchair, and this morning my husband called her, and bragged about the amazing accomplishments of her daughter. I explained to her that I never do things (or tell people I'm going to do them) until I've totally thought them through, and that if she had any questions please ask calmly, and I'll happily answer them, just as calmly.
I know she's always going to worry, because she LOVES ME (and that's wonderful) but hearing it from my husband, she knows what she already knew, that I'M OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So Mothers out there. What do you do when you're worried about your growing kids, and grownup kids, when you know your worry can't and shouldn't stop them, but when your emotions get the best of you?
How do you keep your motherly emotions from winding them up too much? :)
And kids, how do you deal with your mothers when they DO get wound up? LOL
3 people like this
8 responses
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
2 Aug 09
No truer words were ever written and there is no running from that fact. The worry never goes away even when you know they'll be alright. It is what a mother does second best. You could be 90 and your mum will still worry about you. My mum does about me and I'm nearly 50 for pete sake. Likewise for my children. One of my sons has left for an excursion in Europe for a month then he will end up in Ireland for about a year. We live on the other side of the world so of course I'm afraid for him. He was my little man once upon a time. It's hard being a mum but I try to put on a brave face and hope like heck nothing bad happens to him or any of the others.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
2 Aug 09
When I meet a mother who knows how to do that, I'm going to pay that mother to give lessons to other mothers who need to learn how to do that. LOL :) I can handle the "drive carefully" calm reminders, but not the defensive "how are you going to get that wheelchair down that hill without rolling into traffic?" LOL And that's what I told her. it's not that she worries that bugs me, it's HOW she worries. I worry about my husband, who has given me some reason to worry (falling down a flight of stairs and breaking a wrist after I told him not to try and carry all that stuff because he would, and telling him CALNLY) my GOD! If I put any emotion into that statement it'd start a fight about how I didn't believe in him, even if I was right! People have to stay C A L M when they talk about stuff like that.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Boy, what a mouthful. I have adult children, one of which is in a predicament and is giving me some worries, but I love him just the same. I have to take a deep breath and turn loose and love him, win or lose, succeed or crash and burn. I raised him, and I know he is a quality guy,even when things are going wrong. Calmness helps, and I cannot feature either of my kids hanging up on me, but I also do not try to tell them what they cannot do.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
2 Aug 09
Thanks!! My husband has a couple of kids that could have probably benefitted from their parents swooping in, and forcing 'em out of certain situations, and yes, a couple of them have crashed and burned, but my husband and his ex-wives understood that they had to make their own way in their lives, like it, or lump it. And knowing them helped my mother to understand just how LUCKY she is to have a daughter as cautious as I am. :)
@chaime (1152)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
Your title is so right, once a mother always a mother.
I think moms will never stop worrying about their children, even if they are all grown up and living their own lives.
As a mother, I know I'll always worry about my children, but one thing I do know is if I take them under my wing and protect them always, they will not learn and they will not grow strong and they will not be able to stand by themselves, and if they don't learn to do that, what will happen to them if something happens to me. So I talk to myself and remind myself that my children are their own persons, that I can worry all I can but they will be do as they please in the end and that the best I can do is be there for them always and when they fall down that I am there to help them get up again and pick up the pieces.
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
2 Aug 09
As the mother of grown-up kids, all you can do is offer your opinions of your concerns and worries and hope that those adults make the right choices and everything is okay. You can't make those decisions for them. There is a time when they DO make their own decisions and sometimes it is hard to see and sometimes you still can't see that they are ready to make those decisions, but it isn't YOUR place to make them. Kids do grow up..........some of them do, anyway.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
2 Aug 09
Amen to that!! Hubby and I worked together to manage to explain to Mom that I'm going to do what I'm able to do, and will not do something unless it's been well thought out. Remember that I flew all the way to AZ, before I let her know what was going on. LOL Think I was going to tell my nutty mother about THAT ahead of time? LOL but it all turned out great, and now she thinks that my hubby (who happens to be older than she is) is the B E S T thing that ever happened to me! :) I guess that's proof right there that her daughter's alright....because she was raised by an awsome mother! :)
1 person likes this
@polo_princess (803)
•
2 Aug 09
My daughter is only a baby and i am forever worrying about her so i dread to think what it will be like when she is growing up, im going to hart to start trying to convince myself to worry less now. I dont think you can help it though really, its just something that mothers do, if mothers didnt worry about their children the who would? :)
@tweety007121 (57)
• India
2 Aug 09
As a kid, well i try to explain things to them, but i prefer not hurting their sentiments over doing something that i believe will give me a momentary sense of exhilaration and independence.
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
2 Aug 09
My mother Is Very Much Concerned About me .. But She Never Forces Anything On Me .. She Gives Me An Advice .. In the end it's Left to Me Whether I Take that or Not .. She is Not Really troubled if i Don't Take her Advice .. Thank You ..
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
2 Aug 09
I think it's perfectly normal to give motherly nagging. I love it when my mom nags, LOL.. true that it would be kind of a hassle for me to hear all her nags, but when she doesn't nag me, I feel kind of 'missing' it. That's weird, but that's what I feel. LOL..
