trying to quit smoking

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who ever made trying to quit smoking is worse than the person who made cigarettes in the first place. trying to quit is one of the most excruciating things someone could ever put themselves through. before you say it, i know cancer is worse. yadee yadee yada. the only thing is, i don't believe that if you smoke, you will definitely get cancer. i don't believe that smoking gives you cancer more than anything else. it's a fear tactic uses by non smokers, and the sick twisted sado-masochistic tobacco companies, who are well aware that the more controversy you have surrounding something, the more popular it will be. after all, the more you tell people not to do something is the more they want to do it, right? i hate denying myself, the one thing in life that i have the freedom to do, if i want to. everything else has to be such a task, or a hassle. you always have to do either this or that. or, you can't do this or that...or else! i should be able to smoke a cigarette, at least, while i am having to do this/that, or can't this that/this. i should be able to do so with out fear or guilt, or peer pressure in reverse. i just want to have a cigarette, and exhale in peace. i want a cigarette so bad, i can literally cry. furthermore, my boyfriend is pissing me off. he knows that i hate when he makes up some frivolous excuse to go upstairs and use our neighbors for what he can get from them. that makes me want to smoke even more. in fact, every time i try to quit smoking, he does something to REALY tick me off. that's what always get me started again. i am wondering should i give up cigarettes or just give him up instead. i'm so depressed right now, and there is no cigarette to relieve it.