Is it more important to you to be liked or get what you want?

oh my you must have worked in a dreadful place.when I was working in the library I was friends with the whole crew and any of them would step in and help if I needed help so I was also willing to help them.we were a familyl, I was glad to come to work each day.we really all cared for each other, that made work fun. maybe I was just super lucky but I thought maybe a lot of places were like' that.

You know, Hatley, I agree. I do PREFER getting along but when that isn't possible (when people have opposite opinions or opposite goals and they simply cannot exist in the same place at the same time) then I do get mean. I can't let it go. If getting along doesn't happen, then the answer is leaving me alone. Not everybody will hit it off with someone else, that's just how humans are. I do know that many people will just give in or give up, so that is an advantage, I lose very rarely when it comes to something like that. Not many people are persistent any more, and so many people think being stubborn is bad. It is not if it helps you accomplish all your goals that others just give up on.

Well, getting what I want (or need) is RIGHT for ME in my eyes. That is bottom line what matters to me and ONLY what matters to me. You know that little saying from Dr. Seuss - be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind? This is true. It is true whether you're two, twenty, or eighty. What changes between two and eighty is your self confidence and your ability to understand who matters and who doesn't. If you're talking about morals, that is entwined in the choices you make and what motivates you to make those choices. I do not allow the feelings or opinions of others to sway me unless I ALREADY felt that way or had ALREADY had that choice in my lineup. I don't sacrifice what I need or what gives me happiness in order to make myself miserable and please another person. That is ridiculous and anybody who does such a thing does not gain any respect in my eyes. If you can at all compromise in a way that BOTH people get what they need and BOTH people are reasonably happy, I can see that as an option but if it comes down to pleasing you OR pleasing me and there is no other option, sorry but I will please myself. My mom told me a long time ago that it is up to you to take care of you. Nobody else will really do it for you, even if they promise, so you have to dig in and do what you can to protect and serve yourself in a dog eat dog world. I have been teaching my daughter about that too. By all means, be nice to people, have compassion, have empathy - but don't let anybody grind their heel into you! If they try, make them understand they will NOT do it again, not to you, or to anybody else!

Thanks, mommyboo, for your rather comprehensive comment. I agree with nearly all your views. I also don`t do things to please others but what is righteous (as i already mentioned in my response). The basic difference may be the choice of what pleases you and what pleases me. As for me, helping people for the good cause is what pleases me, even if it means some loss to me. I have only one way of deciding matters and that is to love all. So, i go for the choice that is the best for the larger majority of people in long run even if it means sacrificing some of my interests. This is just a difference of our views that i like to choose the path that makes others happy (note the difference between happy and pleased), while you will choose the path that will save you from getting a so called grind under others heels. You are always welcome for your rationality and practicality. Thanks for for your comments. Happy Mylotting!!

I'm not big on approval. I EXPECT to be ACCEPTED no matter what, because being accepted does not mean someone has to LIKE you or anything you do, all it means is that they need to leave you alone about it. However, I don't always expect approval, and I don't care if nobody approves lol.

LOL! There are some things I have dealt with where I got what I wanted, but a lot of people were jealous or didn't like me. I don't understand really WHY - if they had worked just as hard or gone thru the steps I did, they'd have gotten what they wanted too, but you can't please everybody, and some people won't work hard to accomplish things either.

Well, I put that out there because I know people who would rather be with someone who treats them bad than be alone, and there are people who would rather bite their tongue and pretend they have no opinion instead of make someone angry because their opinion is different. This is stuff I SEE daily.... among friends, acquaintances, family, strangers. I don't know what is up with people. I guess I would like everybody to like me, but I won't change my opinions or my actions to have that wish granted. Ever. People who would expect that would die before anything changed.

The question did not include neither. It also did not include both.

I do enjoy being liked, but that is not my goal I guess you could say. It's like icing on the cake. I will always have cake.... always. But I won't always have icing and that is okay. I've learned to live with that. Plus, sometimes I don't like the flavor of the icing offered anyway, so I'd rather not have it, if you know what I mean. If someone is not genuine, then why do I care if they like me? I have noticed that in my group of friends, we are all very different. I have some friends who don't like each other. I'm still friends with them all, I just don't invite them all over at the same time lol. Some of us just don't agree about some things and I think that is fine too, people are like that. I just won't compromise what is important to me to agree with anybody else, or act any differently, that's all.

LOL! I have often said that instead of world peace, I would like to see world happiness. If EVERYBODY is happy, then nobody would be interfering with anybody else, right? Mission accomplished. World peace without calling it world peace. This is why people who do not have a life need one, people who are nosy need a new hobby. They have too much time to get involved in things that don't concern them and wreck things for other people for no reason. I have heard I'm intimidating too, I'm not sure how, except that I am pretty stubborn and persistent. I don't understand how that equals intimidating though, I'd think that would serve as a nice challenge to somebody lol.

I try to make my life fair for me.... I don't purposely try to make it unfair for others but if someone is going to lose, it won't be me lol. Believe it or not, it doesn't come down to that very often but if it does, I always know what I'm going to do. I just have a personality that is very blunt, I either really like something or I really don't like something. There are very few things that I'm just meh about, and I've always been that way. I think it makes it easier for me to make decisions about things, and also it's one reason people either really get me, or they really don't. There's not really a middle ground with me lol.

Well, I prefer to be civil, nice, and reputable first, but what tends to happen is that people tread on ME in the process. I won't stand for that. I prefer to be nice, truthfully, but when that gets me nowhere, on to the next step. I AM forthcoming about that though, ie I will list the consequences up front if someone doesn't listen. BEFORE they occur I mean. So...it's not my fault if you choose not to listen. I can't very well decide to withdraw the outlined consequences, then you could question my integrity. Just like with kids, you give them an inch, they take a mile. If you don't punish them after you threaten, then they believe they can just get away with things over and over. That equals bad parenting. It's the same thing with other adults.