He loves me, He loves me not
By dance4life
@dance4life (252)
United States
August 9, 2009 12:23pm CST
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have been friends for 10 years now. We never say I love you to each other. We both grew up in unaffectionate families so there's no PDA (public display of affection) or anything which is fine with me because I don't really like that. He is the sweetest guy I know and would do anything for me. He recently asked me if I wanted to buy a house with him. To me that translates to I love you because why would you want to buy a house with a mortgage for 20-30 years with someone you don't love. But should I drop the "I love you" words or just keep it the way it is? I don't want to make things weird.
5 responses
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
9 Aug 09
I would tell him...
To me, dating for two years and being friends for 10 and never having said it is strange. My family was far from affectionate, but I refuse to follow in their footsteps of acting like emotionless automatons.
@dance4life (252)
• United States
9 Aug 09
lol I agree, we aren't like robots but the little things he does for me tells me that he loves me. When I'm taking classes at school and I have to stay up late to finish a project. Before he goes to work he cleans up the house and makes dinner so I don't have to do anything when I come home except focus on my work. To me that means a lot.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
9 Aug 09
Am I to assume that you already live together? If that's the case, what things does he do that benefit you solely? If you're living together, he too benefits from cooking and cleaning. I do admit that there are actions to show care and affection, but so does speech. I'm sorry if it offends, but I'd be having a serious problem being with someone if they couldn't say it even just once in two years.
@fg92416 (19)
• China
10 Aug 09
Well,you have been together for long time; Therefore you know each other very well.Maybe sometimes you should not say anything what he knows you wanted.He is a memeber of your family in your subconsciousness. However, you should make sure that whether he loves you. I think if you will split for a while, both of you could think better whether he/you love each other.
@dance4life (252)
• United States
10 Aug 09
wow I can't imagine splitting with you. He is such a big part of my life. Just to think about it seems painful.
@lexi19 (25)
• United States
11 Aug 09
"We never say I love you".... does that mean you have never said it before, or you have but only a few times and not anymore? If you have never said it before... I definitely think you should say it to him, maybe he's waiting til you say it first? I was in that situation before... I wanted to say it after being together for just a year but i was afraid of scaring him off... so i waited til 2 and half years and he's like finally!!.......... If you dont say it anymore, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. As time goes on, it most definitely becomes outplayed. I think you should say it atleast once to see where you both stand, especially before buying a house together. And just because you two grew up in an unaffectionate family doesnt mean it has to be that way for your guys' family, it is what you make it become. If you guys ever decide to have kids... I dont think you would want to follow in your parents footsteps
@cls1970 (24)
• United States
9 Aug 09
It all depends on what you're personally comfortable with. If you feel the need to say "I love you" then say it. But you should realize that there's a big difference between not being comfortable with showing a lot of affection in public and not being able to tell your lover that you do actually love them. You should go with your feelings in the moment, not try to plan it out, and go with what feels right and natural to you. Also, love is primarily shown through actions and not words. I'd rather be with someone who showed me they loved me by their actions even if they had a hard time saying the words to me.
@dance4life (252)
• United States
9 Aug 09
That's a really good answer. and that's the way it's been for the past couple of years. It almost seems that whenever I might say it, it may demean everything else he does for me. Like one things he does for me is more special than another. And I don't want that.
@hiswifey0809 (21)
• United States
9 Aug 09
follow your heart do what it tells you to do..sometimes you don't have to say i love you to know that that person does love you but sometimesyou just want to hear it to be reassured
@dance4life (252)
• United States
9 Aug 09
That's exactly what I was thinking. It'd be nice to hear it every one and a while. I don't want it to be outplayed by saying it every time one of us leaves or hangs up the phone. It feels like a chore then.
