A Friend Is Dying.....What Do You Do?

I have had very close, dear friends die of cancer over the past 10 years. It is the hardest thing in the world to watch someone go through this, and to watch the family members and friends go through it with them. For me, I just visited my friends and chatted and as long as they seemed to want me there, I felt I was helping by just being there. And, of course offered to help the family/friends any way that I could. All we can do. So hard and sad, but another fact of life. It was hardest for me, when one of my friends was "failing" fast over the Christmas holiday. He didn't want ANY visitors except one relative and friend he designated to be there during that time. That was very hard for me (and I am sure the rest of his family), but we followed his wishes and he passed away Christmas eve morning. All we can do if offer our time, love and caring.

I think you are doing about the only thing you can. You are probably more comfort to the grandson really. I was with my grandma. It was nice to know that she was not alone.

I guess I would be as helpless. The only thing I can do is put on a brave front and try to console the patient and the family members who are there. However, I know myself. I would rather be out of the room.

My dear mother in law was diagnosed with cancer in April last year and passed away in November. I can relate to how you feel because it was so very difficult to watch her waste away but like you, I could not do anything to change the situation except be there for my husband and his family. We spent as much time as we could with her reminiscing on the good times and admiring her great courage; she was a remarkable woman. Losing a loved one is a pain no one can take away but knowing a good friend is there for support will make all the difference. You don't need to say anything, just be there.

I hate that you are having to go through this. It's a tough situation. I think you are doing all you can. The only thing you can do is be there. It's amazing how holding a hand or giving someone a break can help. Take care.

hi singlemommy i'm not sure i should give you advice because i have never gone through that but maybe you can get him a meal even if its just a cup of coffee he might need it, he might not show that he aprecciates it but chances are he will

hello singlemommy, The best thing that we can do if someone so dear to our heart is to be there in their side always. Showing our love and care to them means a lot. Our prayers will certainly help them so much. No,thank God I don't have any friend whatsoever that is dying. In your case, your presence can help your friend in one way or the other. Moral support is very important. She is lucky to have you guys.

Hi singlemommy, The grandson appears to be a very caring person to want to be with his grandmother during her final hours. It is very difficult to sit and watch a friend or relative pass away and I've experienced it on more than one occasion. I've always felt that it is very important for someone to be there although it doesn't always happen. Sometimes the smallest act of kindness, like a drink of water or moistening a persons lips near the end can mean so much. Holding someone's hand means that they still feel the human touch. Blessings.

ah yes single mommy my table mate here has been slowly fading and I really love hershes a sweet 86 year old to my 82, but she tipped over in her wheelchair, obtained some nasty cuts which they let get infected, now she has been in the hospital forever it seems and I fear she is not going to make it this time. we all tried to help her but there was nothing we co uld do.you hate to watch someone slowly dying,it would be easier to bear if it were swift I think.you are to be commended for your helping your friends grandson. I know its so hard whenyou cannot really do anything to make things better good luck and God bless.

Hey Singlemommy so sorry to hear about your friend it's hard to be in this kind of situation and go through something like this where this person is a good friend and they have been there for you and others like they have. You are a good hearted person for being there and being supportive like you have been and i'm sure that means alot. I will keep you and the family in my prayers and may god keep you all at ease through this hard time. I know I sat through a rough time w/ a friend who's aunt was dying and she was such a sweet lady would do anything for anyone and to sit in the hospital and watch her lay there sadend me more than words can say but I knew that god would take her home to be with him and she wouldn't be suffering and in pain anymore like she was here down. I do wish you the best and may god bles you ((((hugs)))) to you take care.

Hisinglemommy, I know what its feel like as I lost my mother seven years ago but hun, you can't do anything but just be there with your mum's friend and her grandson, you are being a big help by being there and I suspect he needs you there with him. Tamara

I suggest you recite prayers, at least she will hear you doing something for her and talk to her, let her realized that God is good and anything that may happen is according to his plan.

I am very sorry for your situation. Anyway I would first take him to the hospital if by any chance he could be revived. On the way I will ask him if he wanted to say anything to me. Then I will say the final goodbye if I can't do anything about it.

Dont be panic my friend, just make the best wishes for her healthiness and kindness. You have done your the best part. The rest let God decided for her healing. Yes i had my friend who was dying once, and i prayed to God for my friends health and always believe that God always make the good decision for us. Be patient, and wish the best for your mother's friend.

singlemommy, I do not know which faith you belong to, but I'd just like to suggest that you should start with a prayer. You may pray to yourself and seek solace with God first. Then, as a family, pray together in the hospital room. Prayer has indeed helped me on numerous occasions and I would not be surprise that it could do the same for everyone here. I understand how such times like these can be depressing and let you feel helpless. However, all of us have a role and purpose in our lifetime and it could be another learning curve or challenge here. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26). Take care.

I've had a friend who had cancer. She was a very happy and nice person. I tried to spend as much time as I could with her and keep her happy which wasn't hard to do since she already had such a positive outlook on life. She wasn't sad or burdened by her illness and it made her friends and family forget that she was even sick. If it wasn't for her not having any hair, I doubt anyone would know she was sick. She was happy until the day she passed away. I'm sorry about your friend's grandmother. Everyone has to go sometime. What's important is the time spent enjoying life and being with the ones you love. Try not to be too upset. She is very lucky to have so many friends and family caring for her and she probably don't want you to be too upset either.

I'm sorry to hear that...There's not much you can do but just you being there and being a friend helps, and lets her know that you care, and it also shows her grandson what a wonderful person you are and that your willing to be there and help when actually you don't really have to. Sometimes just being there goes a long way, I'm sure she knows if you could do more you would.

Tough as it is you stand tall and smile. You are glad to see them, you remind them of great times you have spent with them, you tell them how you feel. Ofcourse it is hard to see her like this. Spend time with her and be there for her family. Think how you would like to be treated at a time like this. Tell her how much you appreciate her friendship to your mother. Make these things known. Tell her how you feel. It is important you and her. If you open up there are probably many things she wants to do the same thing with. Make it happen. Good luck!

Hi singlemommy~ Yes I did have a very special friend who I watched and took care of when he was dying. He was an elderly gentleman who I had known for many years since he was a neighbor in my building. I had known his wife and son. His wife had passed away many years before and he was alone and I used to visit with him, go shopping with him and help him out. When he got sick I helped and his son lived over an hour away and would call me to help his father out, but he hated me because he thought I was after his dad's money. It was a very unpleasant situation between me and the son. The son used me when it was necessary. I still spent the time helping my friend because he needed me and I wasn't going to leave him alone because his miserable son was an azzhole! He ended up dying and his son didn't tell until I finally asked 3 weeks later when I saw them clearing out the apartment! I was so devestated over the loss of this man. I had known him for 23 years! I am just happy that I was able to be there for him and help him out and let him know how much I cared and know that he wasn't alone.