mother or girlfriend/wife

I think that everyone in this is miserable. Maybe everyone needs to be set straight. A mother can either welcome that very special woman that you have in your life or go for her throat. Let's try it from different perspectives. Your mother may feel that she is losing you as you turn your heart to the new woman in your life. Maybe she does not want to let go of the relationship that she has had for so long with a loved son. As parents it is very hard to not see the faults of a young person starting out in life as opposed to understanding from experience how life does or does not work. The one thing that we as parents need to keep reminding ourselves is that our children will make mistakes, they will stumble and fall from time to time, BUT we can not keep them from living their own lives. Our children will never find "the perfect" person because that person does not exist. We must center around the fact that our children's choices of mates is a very personal thing and we need to honor our child's choice by honoring who they have chosen. When a parent attacks a child's mate, they are essentially saying they do not trust their child's choice and therefore they do not honor their child's decision. This goes deeper than a simple disagreement. Does your mother trust your choice? Be assured that many times mothers knows exactly what they are doing when they do it even if they call it a "mistake" to you. On the other hand the mate or future mate (girlfriend/wife) feels so unprotected when the man does not validate her and let her know that she is loved no matter what mom says or does. You are a product of all the years your mother has put into your life. This woman is trying to get to know you and will see the pros and cons of your mother's involvement. It would be nice if she could see your mother in a positive light. But how can she do that if your mother made a mistake and did not apologize and then she as a young woman then does something and is not forgiven. Ahhhhhh, it just goes on and on. Offense, unforgiveness, hurt, anger, walls. How do we get out of this cycle. I like to take the amplified version of the Bible and put those people's names including my own into the following verses, Romans 15:5-7 and speak them out loud when I am alone. This is getting God involved in the mess and speaking peace and unity over the situation even when it does not exist. Instead of taking sides. Why not tell each woman how important they are in your life and how much you love each one individually. Tell them how hard this is to be in the middle. Ask them to speak five good points about the person before they mention any complaint about that person. These five points must be genuine and kind, not a left handed compliment. If they have two complaints, they must give ten compliments and so on and so forth. If you refuse to hear the bad until someone says the good, it may put them both to work in a different direction. It never helps to focus on a person's faults. If you start pointing out each of their faults, you will really end up in the dog house. Focus on each person's strengths and refuse to focus on the faults. Set the example. Help them to both feel special in your life but always remember that the girlfriend/wife comes first according to the Bible. It states in more than one place that a man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife. This is a transition time. You don't have to cut off your parents but they need to know that your wife is very important to you. I don't know if you are a Christian and I hope this does not offend you if you are not. I can only come from what I know and what has worked/not worked for me. I am sure it is your heart's desire for both women to feel so loved by you that all would be in harmony. If one or both are crying over this, it is just fine for you to cry too and tell them from your heart how much you love each one and how much you need them to try for your sake.

What you're probably going to have to do is separate the 2 of them. Set aside time for your mother separately from time with your girlfriend. Unless you all live under the same roof this is a very possible thing. If you're serious about a future with your girlfriend, your girlfriend should be your priority especially if she will one day be your wife. When this happens your mother will have to take a back seat. I might not be wording this the best way. If you don't put your girlfriend first, you might not have her much longer. It doesn't mean you don't love your mother. If they can't get along then don't have them be around each other. Plain and simple.

Hello, I have been in that situation once before. my boyfriend, who is my husband now, had some words with my mom and made my mom hated us both so bad. I was standing in between and my mom asked me to choose between them. I hated it so much and then I didn't choose but walk away from both of them. I told my husband to do whatever he thinks the best for him and mom the same think. And I said to my mom,"you never know how I feel about this and all you think is you and only you. Now you get what you want and I will no longer be seem again from both of you. Happy now?" I took off for one night no call, no contact, and even changed my phone number too. No one knew where I went and they got scare... until they tried to find me. Then my mom went to live with my brother when I went to work. she broke my heart so bad and even took all her pictures with her... I called my brother and said, ok you take care of her and hope she will release all the hate she has for us. Now, everything is better but I dont know if she still remember or not. I hate to make any advice but the best way for you is tell them how you feel right in front of everyone and show how they did wrong. I hope they learn something from you... some people dont know they do wrong until someone tell them. so try

I'm not sure what you need, are you asking who's side you should take? Hands down you should choose your wife. I think your mother is arguing with your wife because she doesn't to loose her son.

I am a woman (a mother/girlfriend) so I hope that this information will come in helpful. My suggestion to your would be to set aside a time to have your mother & girlfriend together. You should just sit them both down and explain what is going on and how their continually bickering is hurting you. That they need to let the past stay in the past. It's done - It's over with and they need to move on. If you have to then tell them both that if it doesn't stop you will walk away from both of them and see how they feel. It is just something I have had to do with my mother and others and it has worked. Not saying it is 100% effective but what do you have to loose? Peace of mind is a wonderful thought. Best of luck!

This is a very common problem in this society. Most of the time, we just discuss mother or girlfriend/wife. But what we need is mother and girlfriend/wife. You think they are not mean and they don't do that on purpose. This is where the problem is. They both want to possess you and they think they are right in their minds. they don't want to change the cituration. What you should do is to create chances where they can sit together and have a good discussion. They can speak out what they think the other person did is wrong and try to find out whether there are some mistakes and misunderstandings. I think a good discussion between them is the best way. There is one thing which is very important. That is both of them should accept the other's opinions and advice from their hearts. In fact, all of us are kind by nature but we become enimies just because of some elements outside. Just as is konwn to all, it is common to every family. So there is no need for you to worry about it and feel bad everyday. Treat it in a positive way and i think you can solve it wonderfully in the end.

This is a very common problem in India where guys stay with their parents even after marriage. In many cases, I have seen the guy become completely neutral…you can try the same. You can sit with both of them and tell them how you are becoming tired of this daily problems at home. You can also tell them that since both are equally important to you, it is impossible for you to take sides so they should settle their scores themselves or better still, try and understand each other better without pulling you all the time.

This type of situation is very common in every society. I think best way is, do not indulge much into their fight or take side. it will make situation worse. Rather try to point out gently to both of them, they are both doing bad to each other and committing mistakes. hope it helps.

There are two reasons why this happens. First of all a mother always is very protective of her son. Always. So when another woman comes along your mother will be looking very closely at her to know if she will treat you the way she thinks you should be treated. At the first sign that you may not, mother will be all over her. This does not always happen but all too often. Secondly, not sure if you have a sister in your house. If you do look at how your mother and your sister interact. Most of the time there will be disagreements. And if your sister has a strong will there will be a lot of fights. You are in a no man's land. Your only chance with this is to not get involved. You are right, neither of them are naturally mean. It only comes out when there is a territory issue involved. And you are, in one way or the other, that territory. Nothing you can say or do will make it better but you can sure make it far worse. If you take sides you will hurt the other one very badly and shame on you. Just remember this. This is normal and, in time, will work itself out. But you must be neutral. If you began to talk of marriage pay very close attention to how your mother reacts. If she is not excepting of this then what she will be telling you is that, as far as she is concerned, this girl is not right for you. Then you have a problem. Somehow, working with your girl friend, you must prove that she is.

that's why i have no girl friend as of now, i needed some one who can also get along with my mom. otherwise, i prefer to move out and have a relationship there. you at least try to talk to them and show they're both important in your life. and how broken you are when ever you see them both fighting and hating each other.

ok its common problem in joint families.first listen what they are saying to you and explain clearly what you think,my idea is when they saying bad about each other try to stop them and say to them that she says good about u but why u are saying like that?first they wont listen to you later they may change.And try to explain the importance of others clearly.