Let's be open-minded
By ashley1171
@ashley1171 (109)
United States
August 11, 2009 11:18pm CST
So I was sitting outside a couple of friend's houses tonight I brought up the topic of my girlfriend, and my friend's father was like, "Why don't you want to be normal" and I asked him what he meant and he was like why don't you want to be straight. I told him what had happened in my past. He still didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to have a relationship with a guy. He told me not to take it personally and that it was my life. But by that time I was hurt.
Now I understand that with being gay there is going to be some criticism.
What do you think of homosexuality?
as well as
How should I deal with that?
4 people like this
6 responses
@ladybugmagic (3978)
• United States
12 Aug 09
Homosexuality has been documented in over 400 species. It is the way people are born; its normal but not everyone understands it, sometimes not even the person. I am a little confused about something you wrote: something in your past happened.
Perhaps you are confused, or had a bad experience with a man, and could stand some therapy to help discover who you really are. But homosexuals lead as normal a life as heteros, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
1 person likes this
@ashley1171 (109)
• United States
12 Aug 09
As to clear the confusion, from about 7 to 15 I was sexually abused by various people one of which being my dad.
@ladybugmagic (3978)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I am sorry that has happened to you, that is very disconcerting. I recommend going to therapy to work through your past, and I applaud you on your bravery. You could be opting for women because of the past abuse, or, you could genuinely be gay.
It's a hard place where you are, and I think therapy is a great choice for you, and can help you discover what you want to do with your life, and which way your heart directs you.
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
12 Aug 09
To say that "someone is born..."this way or that, regardless of what you are talking about completely nullifies all aspects of choice, freewill, cognition, self-fulfilling prophecy, quantum physics, and so many other sciences and positions--it's overwhelming. What's important is for people to be true to themselves, and to know what they are doing is good for them--but to say anyone was born anyway--well then should we excuse polygamy, promiscuity, homocidal tendencies, rape, murder, greed?--for these things are also found in all species and, particularly, in the mannerisms, drives, and impulses of human beings.
These false paradigms drive me nuts--and yes, I've studied these issues in depth. On one hand you have the extremist notion "It's all biological!" and on the other "It's not at all biological." Both extreme camps amount to poppycock. We are INFLUENCED by our biology, but not controlled by it. And, yes, it's more complicated to say it's simply a matter of choice--which it largely is also. So, neither side of that fight has it right--both point fingers, argue outside of the realms of science, and neither side gets it.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
13 Aug 09
I'm gay and it's been quite an interesting ride. Granted, many people do not know about my sexuality or know that I've been dating my partner for more than 5 years. I'm not at the part in my life when I'm completely ready to be out even though I'm really desiring that, or at least desiring being more open and not having to censor my words all the time. That really does bug me but I just have to deal with it. I really want to be more comfortable in my life, financially and what not before I go and tell people. I want to make sure that I won't lose anyone too important to me at a vulnerable time in my life.
1 person likes this
@ladybugmagic (3978)
• United States
13 Aug 09
I think it is unfair that I can openly talk about my partner (hetero), and you have to lead a hidden life? I think its terrible, and extra stress you don't need. We all get to live in this body only once, and I think you should be able to feel free to talk about and do what you want, especially if it is about love. If you lose people that are important to you, because you are you, I would reevaluate their importance to you.
If they really love you, they will understand?
The sad part, not everyone thinks like me. There is nothing I love better than holding hands. Can you and your boyfriend/girlfriend do that without getting "the look"? I want you to fully experience love, without having to cloak it.
:-)
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
3 Sep 09
This is a continuation of the same subject matter that has been discussed time and time again.
Many people have drawn lines in the sand and have taken a stand, some can be drawn over to the other side with love and consideration.
Many will not open their minds to see what is right there in front of them.
Later I will add this link as a member of the other links that I am collecting and making available for full consideration if you wish to look through what other people also think.
It is good to have this conversation and I am deeply saddened by the fact that your feeling the way you do because of a previous relationship that failed you.
You are not alone...
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
4 Sep 09
This discussion was started nearly a week ago... http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2117469.aspx
Here is an interesting one with several more links about the definition of marriage... http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1839762.aspx
Links I have, lots and lots of them...
@ashley1171 (109)
• United States
3 Sep 09
The links would be cool. I'd appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
6 Sep 09
There was a problem with those links so here they are again: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2117469.aspx will be a discussion titled Nature vs. Nurture Secondly: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1839762.aspx Will be a discussion titled Define Marriage.
Back to:Homosexuality http://tgwbmyblogposts.blogspot.com/2009/07/homosexuality.html Social Sciences http://tgwbmyblogposts.blogspot.com/2009/03/social-sciences.html Indexing and Organizing my Writings http://tgwbmyblogs.blogspot.com/2007/08/communati.html
@oscarbartoni (2581)
• United States
12 Aug 09
As hard as it may be, I think that you need to talk to someone abut your issues. It may take going to several therapist before you find the one that you can trust enough to talk about you past. You might even consider a hypnotist (one that you can trust and that also believes that homosexuals are born not taught) so that they can delve into your past and help you to figure out who you really are.You live in a world that most people do not like people that are different sexually than they are (they probably fell threatened in some way). I have many friends that are homosexual (both men and women) and I would not try to change them unless they wanted to change. Hypnosis cannot change a person unless that person wants to be changed ( I have been practicing for over 45 years).
@uicbear (1900)
• United States
12 Aug 09
It's your life, and you have to be comfortable with how you lead it. it's really not important that everyone accepts or understands all the decisions you make, as long as your happy with where you are at.
Sexuality is a very difficult area for some people to expand their mind about. Some people can listen to what you have to say, and understand exactly what you are talking about. Other people will be shocked and tell you you are wrong. Some will try and understand and just not get it(like this case you described).
You won't be able to change the way most people feel about this subject. Even the people who love you will have their feelings about this. But the people who do care will try and accept and understand. All the others, I think the best thing you can do is to try and just let it go. Why waste your time on people who don't care enough to accept what makes you happy?
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
12 Aug 09
Hello Ashley. More and more studies seem to point to the fact that being truly gay is more biological than a matter of choice. I judge no one for how they are "wired" sexually, or even if by choice, they are gay.
I am not sure how you "should" handle situations, as the one that came up with your friend's father. We feel what we feel. Rather than being hurt, try not to personalize such remarks. Leave them to their rightful owner rather than taking them upon yourself as a burden. People can be thoughtless or cruel about any number of things!
Karen1 person likes this
