what do you think about playing house

There are lots of ways of thinking of it and yours is, perhaps, just one of them - and the way that works for you. I'm a male, so bound to have a different perspective. I see lots of ladies these days who think that they and their kids are self sufficient. They are either one parent families or they are in a relationship with either the father of their kids or not. Of course, there are many (and, inevitably, the quiet majority) who are married and, inevitably, in various stages of what passes for marriage. I also know rather fewer people who live as married and have done so for years; have kids and are what I would call a settled family. Sometimes I have tried to find out why they never married or what they have against the institution. The answer seems always to be something like 'it's too formal' or 'it ties [i.e. 'enslaves'] you to the other person too much' ... of course they hardly every phrase it quite like that! A great poet once said that 'No Man [i.e. man/woman/person] is an Island' but, on the other hand, there are too many people (perhaps, especially female and our parents or of that generation) who can be seen to have submitted themselves to the absolute will and whim of another person. I find that incredibly sad because I believe that everyone is an individual in their own right and I can see that, for many people, marriage seems to deny that right (whether it really does or not), so I can understand why many people are unwilling to commit themselves in that way. There are certainly some people who are wise enough at 20 to be able to choose a partner for life. I have an admiration - even a kind of envy - for them. I was not wise enough (or educated enough, perhaps) to seem to have done that. My three kids are grown - and, I think, better educated than I was in that respect: I applaud their choices of partners (and they are all married, too!) while feeling very unsure about my own. Bringing up children together is not always the best way of exploring a partnership - people are often too mutually absorbed in the children to notice that their relationship as partners and wannabetogether people has actually suffered - if not drifted apart. Most people change over the years - though many dream that nothing has changed - and one's hopes and desires and purpose in life is much different at 50 than it was at 18 or 20 or even 25. Marriage CAN be (I don't say that it always is, of course, though many young people would point at their parents and say that they would rather not be like them) a drag and a hindrance on a person's ambitions and aspirations. There are plenty of marriages where people have lived - and are living - together happily for 40 or 50 or more years and are still obviously as happy as the day they married. Most people would think 'how sweet' and consider it, perhaps, a little old-fashioned and unusual - certainly not part of the culture that they feel themselves to belong to! So what is wrong? Why do people no longer have any faith that marriage can be like this? I am not sure, but something basic certainly happened to [Western] society in late 1950's and early '60's. I was a teenager then and so seem to have been on the cusp of it: on one hand imbued with post-war (and some pre-war) values but, on the other, having been somewhat involved in the positive and idealistic thought of the 'Age of Aquarius' (which also involved anger and rejection). Since then we have been through Civil Rights, the ethics of and justification for going to war (several times), the opening up of the West to ideology from the East and the struggle of Established Religion with the infiltration of new ideas (to mention just a few 'revolutions') ... is it any wonder that intelligent young people today are unsure of established mores and values and are trying to find their own without actually throwing the baby out with the bathwater? Some (possibly including you) are trying to find the good things in the old institutions that others seem to be intent on throwing down. You are the positive ones amongst us ... but be careful that you are not too reactionary! Make sure that what you seek to build really fits and is useful to today's society! I think that there is certainly a quickness still in old values - just as a tree will still sprout and survive after a forest fire - but that those that see and want to advance their pertinacity should do so with love and understanding of the new environment. A phoenix should not be reborn simply because the egg is still in the hot ashes but because it has still something to contribute to the new order!

Hmm, i dont think there is much difference at all. I dont think it matters either way though. I think its just as ok to be living together with kids and NOT be married as it is to be married. I think being married is a lot easier in many ways though. My parents told me about when they got married, my mum didnt change her name straight away and when ever they went to the banks or anywhere, they had to take their marriage certificate because no one belived they were married since they didnt have the same name! That was a long time ago mind! Might be different now!