Dealing with an out of control 13 year old

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Have any of you ever been in a relationship, married or not with another person who has a child or children? I have been involved with this wonderful man for almost 2 years now. He has a very unruley 13 year old son who is just now being treated for ADD, ADHD & ODD. The ODD description fits him to a tee. I am just not sure what else to do or where to turn as nothing we have tried with this boy has helped. He is so hateful, especially towards females. His mother walked out on him and his father when the boy was 1-1/2 years old. I have tried to be a good female role model but I am now at the point that I am beginning to become extremely stressed and depressed. I have tried talking to my boyfriend about is son and the impact his behavior is having on me but the only response I get usually is, "I told you how he was." GREAT!!!! Now what does he plan to do to remedy this situation rather than leaving it solely in my hands. Any help or suggestions would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you.