Unexpected pregnancy: what will you do?
By caesarin
@caesarin (1089)
Indonesia
August 14, 2009 11:56pm CST
I have 2 daughters, 3.5 yr and 17 months. And I just found that I got pregnant again.
This is really unexpected and I'm not ready. Physically, emotionally, psychologically and financially.
1. Physically, I can't imagine me gaining weight again. I gained 16kgs in 1st and 2nd pregnancy.
2. Emotionally, 2 children really takes a lot of attention. My 1st likes to talk too much that I often feel disturbed because I can't concentrate at what I'm doing.
3. Psychologically, I can't imagine what my family will think of me and my husband.
We are not yet financially matured and another baby means more expenses. I thought they will think that we are only capable of making babies than money.
I'm really frustrated.
4. Financially, as I've mentioned before I'm not financially matured. I live with my parents-in-law. My 1st and 2nd delivery was paid by my father-in-law.
From the beginning I want to live by myself but they just don't agree because at first we were working. They said the house will be left empty most of the time.
Now both my husband and me had quit our job. My mother-in-law wanted me to help her at the small store she had but I'm not really interested in it. I'd like to make money out of things I like, like I try to make children hair accessories and some cotton bags.
She also wanted my husband to help his father small traditional business. But in fact, his father doesn't want to retire yet and he's very tough person so my husband decided not to help the management but only the operational.
I really need advice. Something that can keep me strong.
My husband isn't very supportive about this but he doesn't agree on abortion.
So I don't talk too much to him about how I feel because he's comment is only that I worry too much about everything. He doesn't understand my complicated mind.
Do I make it complicated myself? Am I being worry too much?
I think my husband is also not ready, I believe so.
Help.
5 people like this
15 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
15 Aug 09
These things happen. I got pregnant on birthcontrol 3 times. None were at exactly good times to be having more babies but I did it and all is well. I do think that you both should be working at being more financially stable so that you can be on your own. Living with the parents just has to be stressful even if they are wonderful. As for dealing with the kids....ya, it's alot when they are all young like that but you'll do it and you'll do just fine I'm sure. I don't think worrying will do you any good...you don't need that. Your husband may not be ready but I'm sure he'll come around. I know it is tough right now but enjoy them while they are young....one day these will be your fondest memories. This will all work out. Hang in there. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}.
1 person likes this
@maryjos12 (23)
• United States
17 Aug 09
I'm truly sorry for your distress over what should be a happy and exciting thing. I have 3 boys (12, 8,4) and am now expecting our 4th child next month. It's a tough thing to raise any kids in today's economy, but children truly are a blessing. You should consider yourself so lucky to have another one when so many women out there want one and can't have one. I understand your situation financially is frustrating, but as I was always told by a very wise person, "things always work out" and he was right. It seems like the average joe will never have enough money. What's important to remember that for whatever reason, this has happend and happened to you for a reason. Embrace the package of joy for what it is. When the baby comes, I'm sure your family will be supportive.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
17 Aug 09
Congratulations on your 4th. I believe children are blessing but like you said, today's economy is not good for raising kids.
1. I keep telling myself that I'm lucky to be able to have another baby again while out there, many women want to but they can't.
2. My in-laws
My parents-in-law. I think they are OK with children but since they are aware of
the economy and that raising kids are tough too . . . I can imagine what's in their head.
Not to say that we live in the same house with them and they are neat person while children
mostly make places chaotic. Also my mother-in-law mentioned to me about 2 is enough no need for another shot to try to have a boy.
My brother-in-laws'wife. Now that they are in the top of their life because financially on top.
She always looks at me as if children are messy and disturbing. I know that both her daughter and son are teenagers (only 2 children) and she doesn't want to have anymore because babies are . . . you know.
My sister-in-law. She only has 1 children son which is a little bit autistic, and she really doesn't want to have anymore children because this is one is really tough for her. Last year she got pregnant again but just lose it after 2 months.
So, it seems they are small family minded and I think I'm over their perimeter.
=(
@ladymoonstone143 (1507)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I can understand what you are going thru. I have 3 daughters, 5, 2 and 4 months. My husband and I are both only children and our families kept on questioning us after baby #2 if we will have to have another baby. Then, I got pregnant with baby #3 that I told my husband not to tell our families right away. I know that they are concern about us. Having a baby is not easy especially financially. But then, me and my husband thinks that babies are gift from God and there are so many who wanted to have children but they can't.
It is quite hard to have 2 babies on diaper and milk at the same time. But then as we gaze at our youngest and how adorable she is, we can't imagine life without her. We are on birth control now and I think 3 is enough. My husband wanted another boy but 4 kids will be a little tough for us, especially that we are away from our families.
Just pray for strength and guidance. At least you still have everything you needed for a new baby. My middle one, we have to buy everything because it was a 3 year gap and we were not planning to have anymore and gave her baby stuff away.
Pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Abortion is not really an answer. Goodluck to you.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
16 Aug 09
I feel sorry for you because you have found yourself in a challenging situation. A pregnancy lasts for 40 weeks and you are near to the beginning of it. So I am saying although you are not ready for it now you might be in a number of months time. Over the next few months you might be able to get ready to have a baby emotionally. If so you might be able to have a home birth if that would be the cheapest option. You might be able to get second hand baby things from friends.
I have a teenage son. I thought he would be an only child but when he was 12 I had another son. My toddler son is demanding to look after because he has spina bifida. I got pregnant again and my baby girl was born this summer. I am pleased I have got my darling little baby. Every birth is different and my toddler son's birth was easy, short and not so painful. I already have much baby stuff so it has been economical to have another baby for me. If I had an unexpected baby I would keep him or her. It that wasn't possible I would go for adoption. I am pro-life and wouldn't ever have an abortion.
Good luck.
@basireddi (42)
• India
16 Aug 09
As per my knowledge don't kgo abortaion, because your health will be spoiled and you will become very week. You must take precautions while you are in bed. Now you can carry baby for this time. Please take care of your health.
@hmfryklund (389)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I know where you are coming from, and it is stressful! No you aren't worrying too much, you are being sensible and realistic, which normally men aren't and they always think everything will be fine, because "we" make them fine in the end lol. Funny how that works, huh? My husband and I live right next to my in-laws and they help us with a lot of things, because we aren't financially stable yet and it is hard for two young people to take care of two kids. I think to make your situation less stressful you should maybe consider finding jobs again? I know it sucks to work, but money is the number one stress problem in the US, and lessening that problem would definitely help. Also, like in Wisconsin, you can get badger care or medicare which pays for your medical expenses. If you and your husband aren't working, can't you get medical expenses paid for, or helped with by the government? Also, here in WI people with low or no incomes can get food stamps and WIC which is a pregnancy/family help where they pay for formula, some food, cereals, milk, etc every month. You should look into that stuff???
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
15 Aug 09
I can see your point from all sides of what you are saying. The hard part is that you are married so its a two way street. Its very hard to get out of your living situation also.
I cannot imagine living with my parents or in laws. I was married at 17 my husband was 18,of course my mom wanted us there until we found a house.But after 2 weeks we moved into our own apartment.Have you thought to ask them if they would help you get a place ? Its very unhealthy to live with the pressures of parents. Why did your husband quit his job? Sounds like you have a little more than a baby situation on your hands.My husband has never left a job ,knowing he must be able to pay the bills. Your husband should realize all of these things. He is the one you must speak with.If he cares what you think,he will figure something out.In the future you might want to use birth control weather they know it or not.
@sweety_81 (2124)
• India
15 Aug 09
Hi friend its a very serious matter and I can understand how are you feeling right now and your concern for all the issues you have mentioned is very true and you really need support of your husband as he is the only one according to me who is capable to solve it.Also it the responsibility of your in-laws also to think about it and about the consequences in future on you and your children s.So take him in confidence and make him realize that he should do something for this.I also agree that abortion is not a good thing to do but you both husband and wife think about it seriously and be careful in future.right?
Take care an good day
Regards
Sweety
@kmaram (2533)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
Hi there, well this is a serious matter. I also experienced this unexpected pregnancy with my first daughter. I dont really know that i am pregnant that time and it was really unexpected one. Now she was less than 2 years old and what happened that time was never a regret for us. Anyway, about your problem dont ever think about abortion, ok this is unexpected pregnancy but this is a precious gift from God. Maybe this child coming will be your lucky one, everybody has a problem and i know you can do it just keep on praying ok, keep on mylotting, 
@jshekhar (1562)
• India
15 Aug 09
Hello Caesarin,
To start with, I would say that none of your worries are out of the blue. You surely do need to pay attention to these things. Doctors recommend there should at least be a gap of 3 years between two childs. You already have less gap than that for your two daughters and you cannot afford to have one more baby. That would leave you with 2 really small babies to take care of all the time, in addition to your eldest daughter, who would also need a lot of attention as she will start her schooling and all in a years' time.
Financially also it is not viable and even if one can afford it financially, I would advice against it.
@kquiming (2997)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
i have to agree with your husband and everyone else on this discussion. abortion is not the solution. i guess this should be a lesson learned for you to be more careful next time. i think what you need though is some emotional support that is suppose to come from your husband - but i think he's just not getting that - probably because he himself needs someone to make him strong (emotionally, psychologically,...) - maybe you need to open up about those feelings to each other and realize that this is the time you need each other the most. i know it's hard to be very honest and explain all these things, but as for now that's the best way to cope with the everyday worries you're experience alone inside your head.. and please do not forget to pray. and trust God that everything will turn out OK.
@iamcapricorn (338)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
Don't stress yourself it will affect the health of your baby, everything will be alright, once the baby is born, then try to use a contraceptive so you won't get pregnant again, for now take care of yourself and your baby,I'm sure your in-laws will take care of your other kids.God bless!
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
15 Aug 09
That is a terrble situation to have to go through, and i can only imagine the stress and the trapped feelings you must be having. I don't know what to tell you about what to do about this pregnancy....as you have already said that your husband doesn't want you to abort it, and it should be partly his decision as well. Have you thought about adoption? I mean, you have admitted you are not financially able to take care of another child, let alone the ones you have with out the help of your in-laws..though i am sure adoption would be frowned upon as well. I guess all i can suggest is to try and get SOME kind of plan together, see what you can get for goverment help, make your husband get a job, even if it is only flipping burgers at mc donalds so you have SOME kind of income to contribute to the family, and i would seriously start talking to your doctor NOW about a more permanent form of bith control to go on once htis one is born so it doesn't happen again.
@gossipzz (498)
• Canada
15 Aug 09
I can only try to understand what you are going through.It is not easy having 3 young kids. Some have it hard with only one. Abortion would not be the answer. Children are a blessing. These three blessing will probably come and help you and your husband in the long run.Love and take care of them.Try to help the inlaws out until the two of you can get on your feet. It could be a lot worse my dear. Good luck.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
15 Aug 09
I can understand all your problems.But abortion is not the right thing to go for now.May be the third child will motivate you and your husband to earn more and in the future you all will live happily.So,insist your husband to earn a good job or start a new business with his experience.You shall ask a supporting hand for investment from your parents and in laws.Hope,everything will end well.Cheers!
