Relationships with your siblings
By PeacefulWmn9
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
United States
August 15, 2009 8:59pm CST
Hello all. If you have brothers/sisters, how many do you have? Is your relationship with them a close one? Or do you find a lot of fighting or hard feelings?
I had 7 siblings, 6 now that one passed away years ago. Some of us have stayed close, one moved away and rarely contacts anyone any more or responds when we contact her. There is a strain with one brother, but all the rest of us are close still.
Please share your experiences with family relationships.
Karen
4 people like this
32 responses
@thaMARKER (2503)
• Philippines
16 Aug 09
i have 2 big brothers and a sister. we're close to each other though we have a huge age gap. we don't live close to each other but when we get together, it's like we've been seeing each other every day of our lives.
i'm closer to my sister since we're both closer than to my brothers. i'm 9 years younger than my sister but we get along each other just fine. she knows me very well and we get to do whatever together.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello to you Tha. There are nine years between my youngest sister and me, too, and we get along very well. I do believe often, while we feel a degree of closeness with all siblings, that a special kind develops with one or two. I hope you continue that closeness with your sister.
Karen
@eltobh (231)
• Indonesia
16 Aug 09
Hi, Karen!
I have 2 sisters and a brother. Age gap between me and my sisters only between 1 to 1,5 years, so we were close when we were kids. However, as we grow up, thing were bit different. We didn't really share much about personal things as we started to have different hobbies, music or fashion preference, boyfriends preference, etc. When our brother was born (he was 10 years younger than my biggest sister), everybody paid full attention to him, so we kinda got together again for some time. Now that some of us married, we didn't see each other much, but we try to keep in touch by phone, and since we still live in the same city sometimes we dine out together or shopping together. I think it's really nice to keep good family relationships between siblings :)
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi Eltobh. I am glad, that in spite of certain troubles off and on, that you and your sister now remain close. I agree that maintaining family ties and closeness is a huge blessing to those of us that have it. May your closeness continue to grow through the years.
Karen
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
16 Aug 09
hello there...
i only have one sibling and i am ten years older than him! but despite the age gap, we are still very close to each other...i feel his respect and love for me...and i appreciate him for being so nice to me...even if sometimes i become like a mother to him, advising him, he never took that against me and im glad that he listens to me and take my advises!
as an older sister, i want only the best for him...that's why i am helping my parents bring him to school...and when he is younger i take care of him even now that we are no longer living together, i still see to it that i checked on him...
we are very close and i can say that we have a great happy relationship! i love him very very much!
i think you have a nice big family...i also wish to have a big family before...like many siblings...
i am happy for you that you also have a good relation to your siblings...and sorry to hear that you already lost one of them...
2 people like this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi Ckyera. I am also the oldest sister in my family, and we do tend to "mother" our younger siblings. I imagine your brother appreciates having a big sis to advise him and look out for his interests and helping him get his education! That closeness is special, and I value it much with my own siblings. Thank you for your remark about having lost one of my brothers. It hurts so much at the time.
I wish you the best in life
Karen
@sagnik42 (3592)
• India
16 Aug 09
I am the only child. However, we have many relatives in close proximity. All the cousins (7 in all) are really close. We spend weeks at a time together. We have a lot of fun and help each other. We are a very close knit family and we get together quite often.
2 people like this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Sagnik. As it is with you, many the only child developes a close sibling-like relationship with cousins and other family members. I think it's wonderful that you spend even weeks at a time together. Family bonds are precious, important, and I am glad you all have that!
Karen
@yogambal_64 (1014)
• India
16 Aug 09
We are four siblings in all, all of us girls and we do have a very closely knit relationship between us, we often meet with our parents and have a nice time, we also arranged a get to gather for the 50th wedding anniversary of our parents,recently and made it a point to visit although we had our respective workloads. We do have difference of opinion which is quite common, but overcome it within a while. We have close contacts and make calls and send mails often as we reside in four different parts of the country.
2 people like this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Yoga. I think it is wonderful that you and your three sisters enjoy keeping in contact. It can't be easy with each of you living in different parts of the country. I agree that differences of opinion between siblings is common, but I commend you and your sisters for always working it out. Family ties are so important! And how nice that you arranged for a 50th anniversary celebration :) That is a long time to be together! I admire it
Karen
@linkmaster111 (74)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I have a brother that I'm not very close to. Honestly, I can't really see myself talking to him much outside of family events in the future. He's generally a nasty, mean person who I don't like at all!
2 people like this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Link. Unfortunately, it is sometimes best to avoid what I call toxic people, even if they are a family member. It would be nice if your brother changes sometime in the future to invite closeness, but if not, yes, I would stay away from him, too.
Have a good day.
Karen
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I have one brother. When we were kids we argued and fought just like other kids. But as adults we get along well. We live in the same town but don't really see much of each other because we both have hectic schedules. However we both know the other will always be there for us if we need them.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
17 Aug 09
Hello Tammy. I love that name :) That is what I named my oldest daughter. We do tend to fight with our siblings when we're young and under the same roof, and sometimes, even when we're all grown up! LOL. Life does get hectic and busy for us all, so it's important that the love is still there as a line between us, even if we can't see our siblings often.
Karen
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
16 Aug 09
That is great, I think it may be a little different with the boys, I may be wrong, I have a brother as well he is actually the baby, but we get along great, don't think we ever argued not that I can recall he grew up to be such a wonderful man, I love him so much, he was married a year ago and he is happy with his extended family and I am happy for them. I tell my mom she should be proud of herself she raised a wonderful young man, girls well, me and my brother are the same sign I keep forgetting that, no wonder he is so doggone cool lol
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
16 Aug 09
Hi Karen!
I have one younger brother only as a sibling. I have no sister. We both are settled and happily married and stay at different places, yet we remain tied to invisible bond and we have healthy relations. He has two sweet sons and his wife is a teacher.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
17 Aug 09
Yes, invisible bond helps each other to remain attached to each other.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Deepak. I understand about the "invisible bond" that can exist between siblings, as I have that with one of my sisters who lives far away. I am glad you and your brother are both married, happy, and now have children of your own. Families just keep growing, and it is a beautiful thing.
Karen
@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
16 Aug 09
hi karen! i have 7 siblings too, four sisters and three brothers. i'm the seventh and sandwiched by two brothers. our family is pretty close-knit. even if 6 of my siblings got a family of their own and living elsewhere, we still find time to get together on occasional weekends, birthdays and holidays.
we're all using one network service for our mobile phones and it's under unlimited call and text plan. so everyone can communicate with each other everyday. even with the parents and my nephews and nieces. communication is very open. not one day will pass without a call from one of my siblings.
there were times that there would be occasional disagreements, but we just leave it at that. we had no fights or misunderstandings whatsoever. we want to create a good atmosphere for the kids to grow up in and we maintain closeness so that the kids can do the same with their first cousins.
we're quite a happy bunch especially when we're all together. most of us were taught to play poker so that we can play with my brothers, and in turn we cheer the men when we are doing videoke. holidays are quite fun too. it's like we have a restaurant at home because we have a large family. the dining area is quite full during mealtimes. and the cook, whoever happens to be in the kitchen, has a full-time job ahead of him/her in feeding the little army. i feel for the dishwasher, coz the sink is always full. -lol- ---myles
@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
18 Aug 09
yes, i believe all childhood squabbles should be left in the childhood days. right now we have a strong and pretty close relationship... all 8 of us and it makes our parents happy about it.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi Myles...your siblings number like mine...4 brothers and three sisters, but I am the eldest. The fact that you all communicate each day and gather together as a family unit during special occasions is wonderful! And yes, when we all marry and have children, the family just keeps growing to love and accomodate the new members. It is a beautiful thing. Letting go of disagreements is also a wise thing to learn, as you have :)
Karen
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
18 Aug 09
I know my parents enjoyed it when we all got along as adults, and now that my own daughters are grown, I hate it if the squabble. Yes, as adults, it's good for the whole family when siblings get along
Karen
@kcoregon (302)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I have two brothers and no sisters. My older brother and I never got along growing up and we still don't now. We have conflicting personalities I believe that make it hard for us to be close. We do act civilized towards each other and we have a more formal type of relationship. My younger brother is six years younger than I am and we also do not have a close relationship though we did when we were growing up. We can talk more openly with each other but we don't talk often. I always wished that one of them were a girl so that I could have a sister when I was growing up. Now that I am an adult I have a great friend who I consider to be like my own sister, so I guess that makes up for it. I wonder if its less common for sisters and brothers to keep close than it is for same sexed siblings to be close. But then again my younger brother and older brother often are mad at each other and have even more conflicting personalities. I also believe that my older brother's wife has a lot to do with the way he behaves. He used to be more of a happy go lucky sweatshirt wearing type of guy. Now he wears Dockers and rarely laughs. I guess love can change people. Unfortunately for us this makes it harder for us to relate to him.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100288)
• India
16 Aug 09
I am also the only child. Lost my mother early. My cousins were not really fond of me, but they loved the moneys that my surviving parent was shelling down. Their mothers never bothered to do a single thing for me when I was merely five and a half. Later when my father stopped giving due to our own financial problems, I was blamed as "controlling" my father. Now they want to re-enter my life because the situation has again slightly improved here. They are trying all sorts of tricks, using friends to influence me, trying to convey how much they regret the past. I am not relenting. I find I cannot bring myself to trust them.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
My heart goes out to you in many ways, Vandana. I think your are one courageous survivor. I admire your 20/80 philosophy. I think you will go far with such a fine attitude. May the whole rest of your life be blessed, here on out. xoxo
Karen
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Vandana, how shocking and sad that any family member would treat such a young child, motherless (so sad for you there) in such a mean spirited way. I can understand your hesitation in buying into to them now wanting to become close. A trust once broken is not easily mended. I hope you have had enough kind people enter your life to help compensate for their mistreatment of you, I really do. We are all worthy of love!
Karen
@vandana7 (100288)
• India
16 Aug 09
Yes. Ample good people out there. We had a neighbor, she gave a birthday party for me. And another neighbor used to stitch nice frocks for me (made me look really nice), and she also used to pack nice goodies when I used to go to hostel, coming as far as bus stop to c me off. My heart is very grateful to them, and I pray god looks after them. I have also had women who tried to be nice to me when my father was around, and when he was not, they locked me in bathrooms. So there are good and bad. I tend to focus on good ones, and treat the bad ones as "well, u r less than 20 percent of my life, why should I waste 80 percent thinking about u" kind of thing. This is what has seen me through I guess.
1 person likes this
@hmfryklund (389)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I am adopted, but I have one brother after I became adopted. I think I actually have quite a few biological siblings, but Im not for sure about that lol. Anyways my brother is 16 years older than me, and even though he lives about 2 minutes away, not even, we don't have that much in common and we rarely ever see each other except for holidays. I know we both love each other with all our heart, and we express it when we talk and see each other, but we are both so busy with our own lives, we take advantage of our relationship. I think the biggest thing is that he was away most of my life, working and traveling on the road, and didn't really come back until I was about in high school, so.
@Archie0 (5652)
•
16 Aug 09
its loving, friendly, aggressive and hostile but very supportive in every case. i'm 24 and have 3 siblings. you might find it difficult because you are the first or last or at the middle, anyhow it is you must be very friendly to all and love all equally even if it is a very hard task. i must tell u that loving every body equally is the challenging task in every sibling to sibling relationship. so try this my tips and you will be successful.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Hmfry. That is a lot of years between you, and as you said, your brother was away a lot. In spite of that, it's great that you do still see each other once in a while and know that the love is alive and well. There are all kinds of ways to be a family :))
Karen
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Archie. I think you have described very well how it is in many families between siblings. We fight, we love, we disagree, we make up...the whole range of emotions and behaviors seems to be part of it all. But love is the thing that stands out the most, no matter what!
Karen
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
16 Aug 09
I am sorry for your lost, I have 2 sisters and 1 brother me and my older sister do not get along we never did, we use to fight a lot growing up, never knew why at first I never hit her back all I was thinking is why is she doing this to me, then after a while when I realized she was truly trying to hurt me, I started fighting her back, I told my mom when I got older that if she would have told my sister how wrong she was things may have been different I hated to do that but it was true, I said you are our mom all she would have done was get mad, then get over it, but instead my mom blamed us both, I said it was not like you were not there to see what was going on, I just don't understand but hey, after we grew up we still don't get along whenever she feels like talking to me she do, at this point in my life I could care less really, I don't have the sister love I should have for her, but that is her lost not mine. me and my brother get a long really well and my other sister well she has issues but I do love her like a sister just dislike some of the things she do, did I say dislike I mean hate.I have 1 child now I wish I had another, I see this a lot where parents treat there kids different I would love to know how I would have been with two or three children I believe I would treat them equally and they would all get along, I would make sure of it.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Thank you, Kitty, and hello. It seems to be normal, that when we have several siblings, there will be those we get along well with and stay close to, and those that just make it impossible to do so. I do believe that while we are all young and at home, the parents can monitor and teach a "mean" sibling to behave decently. Once we're grown, it's a different story, but we can't keep inviting "toxic" people into our lives if we wish to be happy.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Karen
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi Kitty. Hollow "I love you's" are sad, yes? I think we keep hoping that saying it will someday make it true, or we do it out of habit or because it is the expected thing. Like you, though, I believe love is a verb, an action word. And we know the old saying, actions speak louder than words. I guess that saying has been around so long because it is true.
I still think that some we must love from a distance. Toxic people infect others, and life has enough troubles that we needn't feel an ounce of guilt for steering clear of that poison as best we can.
Hugs to you...
Karen
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Thank you for your response to my comment, I agree with you, me and my sister don't get along now because we are grown and she still seems to have issues with me, so I say you know what, I don't need or want her in my life, sometimes she will be like all I care about is my family I love you, but I don't feel it, I say it back but I don't mean it, not the way I should, growing up not getting along was one thing but when we are grown and you still act like a child please give me a break, my mom use to say you two need to get along, well that will not happen, sometimes she can be ok, next thing I see her she don't speak, I am not perfect don't get me wrong but I don't like trouble never have never will.
1 person likes this
@tristansite (92)
• Philippines
16 Aug 09
We are five siblings, I was the eldest one but my grandmother raised me. I have meet them after 17 years and I know that we are not that close. I don't have any problems with them but I feel closer to my cousins whom I grew up with.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi Tristan. I think it's natural that you will feel closer to the cousins you were raised with. It might also happen that as more time passes, you and your siblings will grow close. But whichever way it works out, I am glad you have the cousins.
Karen
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Bless your heart, Kitty. So many many things change as we grow up. It is sad when families just fall apart or grow apart or whatever the "proper" term is today. The best hope is that we build enough positive relationships to fill those voids that hurt us. It sounds easy to say, and while I know not a single of one of us is truly "replaceable," we have to have an outlet, a source for giving all the love we have and receiving some in return.
Karen
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Wow that is so unfortunate, I tell you the things we go through in this life really stinks, you know what is weird growing up me and my cousins we all use to be so close, now its like we are strangers these are my moms sisters children how could this be, I think about that a lot, I have one cousin that lives a few blocks away from my mom, she never visits, it is crazy the way things turn out, just the thought of this is depressing the hell out of me.
1 person likes this
@soulist (2985)
• United States
18 Aug 09
I do have one brother. he is older than me by one year. For a while we used to fight to no end and barely called each other. But recently we started hanging out more and spending one day a month just the two of us. It has brought us closer and he just called me today asking if I would help him pick out a haircut that would look good on him. Im sure we will still fight, we are siblings of course, but more often than not we will just sit and talk.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
18 Aug 09
Hi Soulist :) How wonderful, that even though you have your arguments, you and your brother remain close. It warms the heart to have those we grew up with still in our lives as adults. I hope your relationship with your brother continues to grow in this good way.
Karen
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
18 Aug 09
Hi Karen! How are you today?
I have 2 siblings and all three of us have been very close since childhood. The fights, reasonings, the punches were there but then those hardly strain relationships. In many cases they strengthen the bond. Now, that we all are grown up and my two siblings have families we are mature apparently. However, you should see us together. we still are just the same, shouting, cribbing, fighting and hugging. We are three sisters and have been blessed with the most wonderful parents.
I am awaiting my visit to Dubai this Sunday. It would be atrip to remember forever. Will tell you all about it.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
18 Aug 09
Hello Mimpi...how wonderful that you and your sisters are close. And yes, even when we gather as adults, we "horse around" a lot and hug even more. Your parents do indeed sound like a beautiful blessing.
I hope you enjoy Dubai! I look forward to hearing about it
Be safe, and take care!
Karen
@MNRFOLEY (435)
• Brisbane, Australia
16 Aug 09
Hello Karen, I got 5 siblings, 3 sister's and 2 brothers, we grew up really close althugh when we were younger we used to have catfights and sibling rivalry etc which I guess is typical in all big families. One of my sisters grew up with our grandma but still when she came to stay with us when she was in high school we get to get close to her too.Until now that we have our own families we still get in close contact with each other call each other all the time chat online and send text messages to each other almost everyday. Our parent's raise us up t love each other and help each other in times of needs no matter what. I guess that's what being brothers and sisters areall about. By the way my baby sister's name is also Karen that reminds me I should give her a call soon .
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi MNR...yes, I am from a big family, too, and sibling rivalry and such is very common. I am glad you've maintained closeness through the years with all your siblings. Family is a wonderful blessing, and your parents set a good example in teaching you to love and be supportive of one another. Now, go make that call lol.
Karen
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
18 Aug 09
Thank you PeacefulWmn9 for your kind words. I appreciate them. I would say more but I'm just not feeling well tonight. Thanks again.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
18 Aug 09
Aww, I am so sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope soon you will be much better. Keep strong.
Karen
@cbeee3 (2061)
• India
16 Aug 09
I have an elder sister. We are very close.She is much older than I am and so when I was growing up she took care of me.It was an awesome bond which has changed and grown over the years.Yet it remains beautiful.
When I was younger, we had our share of fights, but then there were times when she was like a second mum to me.
Now as two adults, we can talk about grown up stuff and she has a daughter now. So I see my sis in my niece. Its amazing
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hello Cbeee. How wonderful to hear how the bond between yourself and your older sister has evolved and deepened. So now you have a big sister to love AND a little niece. It is, as you said, an amazing and beautiful thing to be part of such a relationship!
Karen
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
16 Aug 09
Hi Shia. I adore my youngest sister :) I am glad you have such close and happy relationships with your siblings. Isn't it wonderful how easy technology has made it easier to keep in touch with our loved ones? May you all continue this beautiful closeness.
Karen