Are you one of those Friends who can't say NO?

first off let me congradulate you on starting your first discussion. it is an interesting topic. as far as i'm concerned i do not have this problem, because i don't have alot of close friends that i do things with all the time or that call me alot. i do have one that i have known since i was a kid and we don't do much together, but i will try to find time since we have known each other so long.

I used to be one of those people that couldn't say no but then, it got to the point that my friends were taking advantage of me and using me because I wouldn't turn them down. After I finally started standing up to them, I found out who my real friends were, as in the people that couldn't care either way if I did something for them or not. The other people left and my life was a lot better after they left.

hi liseli yes i am another person who has a hard time saying no.a friend will ask me to do a favor and I really dont want to do it but I will do it anyway.then wonder why I didnt just say I cannot do that. sorry. a friend of mine a few years back was in an accident and was home sick, she asked me to bring her some books to read. so I did that after I got off work at the library where we both worked. and she and her mom both on crutches from the accident just stood in the door,didnt ask me in,then before I could say where shall I put these my friend said,we cannot be bothered now. come back tomorrow. I looked at both of them and said,my leg is killing me, these books are heavy,I realize you are both hurting, so just let me come in aNd I will lie them down and go. okay.she shut the damned door in my face. angered I just put the books on the outside air conditioner and left.no more errands for that p erson.

you are really the same person as me.i can feel exactly what you do.it is hard to reject others' requests,especially the best friends.i still don't know how to deal with it. i hope you can manage it soon.

I had friends, I had money, I gave my money to my friends, I lost both my friends and my money. Some time ago, I was a friend which could not say NO, but now I can say because of some of my friends behaviour. However, still say a no is difficult for some of my friends

Oh and another thing people see your kindness as a weakness, they don't see things how we see it, you don't want to be known as being weak, I been there god knows I have, always thought I was the only one, you think you are so sweet, and your friends love this wonderful quality about you, NOT, they see it as a weakness, most people will take advantage unfortunately, and this friend in particular I would have woken her up and been like your son is awake,sooner or later they will get the message your not being mean, your just doing what the average joe will do to you, somethings about myself I will not want to change like my sensitivity I am actually too sensitive but I feel that makes me the woman I am that I will not change, but letting folks take me for granted is a NO NO, I stopped that a long time ago. And family knows you best they are the ones that will get you, cause they know how you are, surprise them as well, never too late to change things about yourself, life is a learning experience we should all learn from our mistakes as well as others, I do,good luck feel free to email me, if you feel the need to vent, I will be there for you.

I dont like to say no to family, but friends on the other hand. I do say no all the time.

i think hurting a little bit is better than lying your friend ,it would hurt him much more if you promise something to your friend unwillingly and break your promise after wards

I done it before as I do not like to reject friend invitation as she may tag me as a snob. but, when i am not in the moods to join..I just tell her some alibi that is acceptable rather than pressuring myself to join when in fact I am not feeling okay. in your case you becomes a nanny for a short period it is still okay as long as still tolerable but if you get to the point that your friend is making you miserable. It is right to say No than keeping silence when deep inside you really want to pack up..Now days i see to it that I tell my friend honestly what i feel and my credible reasons in a way that she never feel rejected..

Its very difficult for me to say NO either. So many times I have been taken advantaged of.

Yes, I can. Once I feel guilty too and I've faced the situation that I didn't like just because I can't say no. Now I think better to say NO than say Yes but then I feel don't like my own decision or can't serve or do the thing my friend hope from me. If I think I can, I will say yes with all the consequences and do the best. If I know I'm busy and can't, I will say no. Better to tell the truth than make her dissapointed and unhappy, and I feel unhappy too. Thus she/he can ask for help to other people. That's me I hope someday you will be able to say the truth, whether it's YES or NO

I used to be one of the type of people that couldn't say no to a friend. It even went to the point that I couldn't say no to one girl and she ended up living with us for several months (along with her three small children). That was almost 7 years ago just after my daughter was born, so we ended up having five adults and four children age 6 and under in our home. Now, I am not the friend that can't say no. I will sometimes say yes to friends when it is a reasonable request, but when it is an unreasonable request, I say no.

Well, I agree that such situations are very difficult. Saying no sounds outrightly rude and may be the friend would never be in touch with u ever again. Not everything about that friend may be unacceptable to u. In fact, it may be a case where u like her 90 percent and it is only that 10 percent that seems to be very difficult to put up with as may be the case u mentioned. It is not easy to find good friends. Therefore, losing one and trying for another might only land u into a greater soup. What they say a known devil is better than unknown devil. Isn't it? Having identified what u dont like about a friend, u can devise ways to avoid it. Like a friend is suggesting that she will come over. Small white lies is my way of avoiding hurt. I'd say actually I have started cleaning the house, and it may be difficult for me to settle up everything before u come. Can we make it some other time? To convert the white lie into truth, I do a little cleaning. My conscience lets me sleep with that. Or - well, I have this urgent assignment to be cleared. I might have to stay up. Or actually I am planning to go out with my cousin or something. There are so many ways to avoid. I know we are told not to tell lies. But we are also told not to hurt. When these two come face to face, I'd opt for white lies which dont harm anybody and keep everybody happy.

hahhahaha, I hate to say no to my friend.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who has a hard time saying no. I have a friend who's kind enough to sometimes take me out to run errands, but she brings her kid along and expects me to push him around. And she KNOWS that I don't like kids. She asks me to because she thinks (says) he behaves better for me. Well, I don't care if he does, he's not MY responsibility. You know? Of course, I can never say that to her and I always end up pushing her kid around for her. *sigh* I suppose I kinda feel like I owe it to her since she's doing the driving and all, but I really hate pushing a kid around in the cart. And if I actually liked kids and had one of my own, I would NEVER ask a friend to push around MY kid! She also likes to come over and go swimming every week. I'm not a fan of that, but I can never say no. I guess I'm one of those people who wants to be liked by everyone and I'm afraid people won't like me if I say no. You know?

I am EXACTLY that person. I feel so bad and guilty if I have to say No to something. For example, all of my friends scheduled to play tennis on a thursday. We didn't invite this one jerk named Jon but then he just came along and there he was. And we all didn't want him here but we all were pretty nice so we said, hey jon, you're playing with us? And then he replied, yea I am. So after tennis, 2 of my friends were supposed to hang out at my house, and then Jon comes along and says, hey I'm going to your house. In my mind, I'm all like, What a jerk, he didn't even ask me!. But everyone knows how nice I am so I say, you're coming also? And he says yea. And I can't really make an excuse because my other 2 friends were coming. But then once my 2 friends left, Jon stayed at my house. He said, my mom is on the way. But we waited, it was about 8 and it was my dinnertime, and he just said, can I just eat dinner aT your house? And I said, when is your mom coming? He said he didn't know. I told him to call her again and a minute later, he said she didn't pick up. So I had to accept him . He ate and slurped the noodles and finished in like 3 minutes. Such bad manners. He even said, the noodles taste nasty right in front of my parents. I was so annoyed but I'm too nice to say no because I think that would be pretty messed up. I always imagined myself in his position and what would I do. I had just finished excercising and I stayed at my friends house for like 5 hours with only a pop tart and a bunch of snacks (Yes he took more of my food also). My friend said that he even stole my granola bars (about 10 of them) and then he denied it. The next day, I went to his house because I think he felt bad about everything he had done and I went into his room, and I saw a bunch of empty granola bar wrappers. The one that I had bought at my house. I got totally P.O. that he lied to me and stole from my house, and I just didn't talk to him. After this experience had happened, I need to stop being Mr. Nice Guy, and be a little selfish for once.

Mehn! i was before but not anymore! if i have an issue i say it up front! That's the best thing and from that it would show you who your real friends are. Trust me hiding everything won't solve an issue. Sit them down and tell them. i had an issue concerning my own roommate at college and we fought cos we did not tell each other things. am even getting a bad feeling that my next semester with her is going to be unappealing. I don't like her as my roommate but she has equal rights to the room as well and i have been finding ways to kick her out but ve no idea. Am still stuck with her. Sucks for me!!! U definitely don't want to have that.

I use to have that problem, not anymore when I realized it was not hard for others to say no to me, you will learn my suggestion is to think about those that say no to you, that will help make it a little easier, you don't actually have to say no, considering the word in itself is a little harsh like the word " what" I hate that word, anyway you can say I can't do that right now, or something to that affect, but try to get out of that habit although it is nice to be there for others, sad that some people don't see things the same way they look at it like well I will ask her she won't say no,my daughter says no to me, I am like how do you say no to your mom, I will never tell my mother no, but some people what can we do, just change it will be in your best interest. when you are super nice to friends they tend to take advantage of you, why are you watching her child when she is in your house with you? I learned the hard way, now after years of tears I will refuse you in a heart beat, please don't be like me sweety, you will only regret this later on, practice now save yourself a lot of tears later on.