Handling Teens...

If at 15 the daughter does that, it is too late already. I wouldn't punish her, unless she considered already not having a phone a punishment. The only circumstance under which a 15 year old daughter if I had one (which thank heavens I do not!) would have a cell phone would be to carry for emergency use only on the way to and from a J-O-B, and her earnings would be going for necessities, not social stuff, but I would match her earned dollars with money in a college savings account, which in the unlikely event she had any left over after she graduated from at least a 4-yr college or university with an academic degree (not basket-weaving), she could keep it no strings attached because by then she would be a grown up. No, I would not ignore it, and I would again not as punishment but out of civic duty have her volunteer in a variety of organizations, including homes for unwed mothers, orphanages, children's hospitals, etc. If I had a kid she would be kept too busy to go around panting after men. She would be exposed to the seamy and seedy side of life early on so that it would not appear falsely appealing when her hormones kicked in. She wouldn't have been kept in the dark and clueless. Her little brain would already be well wrapped around the idea that men are a different species.

Raising kids is one of the toughest jobs their are, and i am so glad that all mine are old enough to be on their own. But back to your question. First my 15 year old would not have a cell phone. But if she did, and was texting to a older married man. I would go after him. I would find out who it was and put a stop to it by going to his wife, if that did not work i would go to the police and report it. and then i would monitor what she was doing very closely, and she would loose the phone. Until i could trust her again Keeping communications open with your kids is one of the best things to do, and the younger they are is better. Grounding her is not going to do any good, and ignoring it is not going to make it go away either

I am bad about watching what they are doing on thier cellphones an on the internet my daughter's might get alittle mad at me about it but i tell them I can check or they can lose the internet cause nowadays you have to watch them

I didn't have children in order to be their friend, I had them in order to guide them into happy lives. They've hated me from time to time but I know that's part of growing up. I would take the cell away--first, my 15 year old wouldn't have a cell. But say she did, I'd take it away and deactivate it. Then I would sit down with her and have a good long talk about meeting people online, affairs with married men and the consequences of all that. I'd tell her about my own past experiences and the consequences that I suffered some years later because of those actions. If that didn't work I would call around her phone book and warn those older guys that they could be in prison for statutory rape by dating my daughter. I'd tell her that, too. I can't imagine just ignoring the problem, I'd end up with a pregnant, unmarried daughter and another baby to raise!

twoey you have to start long before teens or else you have a teen 'who is on a bad path.explain aLl the dangers well before the teens and stand in two way communication at all times, be there for your kids, teach them about the teen years, and all the dangers that come along well before the teens, and no dont be their friend be their mom a loving mom but a parent,someone they can go to when they are confused,upset, or have got into a jam. be there listen respect them, ground them if necessary, explain aLways why some things are wrong but make them know they can come to you with anything not as a friend but as a loving mom, a pArent. I did this years back and my son is now fifty, and a wonderful man.

What do I do? I get out my favorite book on the subject and refresh myself. The link to the site is: www.loveandlogic.com. Best book and cd on the subject as far as I am concerned. Makes so much sense. You let them have all the rope they deserve and then you start in with the logical thinking. It will drive them crazy but it does the trick.

Well sometimes the talk doesn't work, and even if a cell is taken away doesn't mean anything when she can still use her "friends" cell or computer to message this guy. The more we fight against it the more they will want it. No matter if we talk till we are blue in the face. We try to protect they don't see it as that. They see it as smothering or ruining their life. They will use their friends to get what they want. Even if it lands them in trouble later. So monitoring friends could help.Restraining a child in grounding can make them run away or sneak out and do worse things then they make have originally thought to do as a get even payback thing. SO raising kids is like walking on egg shells..otherwise they might just end up another runaway on the streets doing things we abhor even thinking about to survive. So, it is difficult to do but they gotta know that dating older men or married men is not good or right and that the man is probably only out for one thing. A few mattress dances before he moves on to his next victim.

It is very difficult to be a parent of a teen these days, but it is impossible to do if your first intention is to be their buddy. You were ordained by God to the taks, take steps to guide & protect.

First, as the wife and sister to police officers I would report this older man. I would then stop her from any contact with him immediately. There is no need for an older man to be communicating with a young girl unless he happens to be a coach, teacher, minister or someone that really works with her on a regular basis. In this case I would know if he were contacting her by phone or computer because she would tell me. We have open lines of communication with our children and they do know where we stand. My husband and I both have a Facebook account and can watch our children's actions online. If I ever feel concerned over something that could be occurring I will question it and it will be handled accordingly and immediately.

I know it is definitely hard to raise a teenager for sure. I have a 17 year old daughter. she has put us through you know what and back so far. I try to be her mom and her friend and times but I still make her do the right things in life. I do not let her have full control over me just to not make her mad. I always monitor what she does.

My daughter doesn't really have any friends, boy or girl, so right now I'm not too worried. She knows she will be given only one chance and that's it. She sneaks out for any reason and ends up in trouble or hanging out with the boys, no coming back. I don't foresee any major problems with her pretaining to boys other than just hanging out as friends. She has one boy friend that she gets along great with. IF they were to ever date, I would be fine with it because I know him and his parents and that he's being brought up with the same values we are raising our own daughter with.

I am not my kids' friend. I am their PARENT. In this hypothetical situation, I would be quite mad at myself for not having any idea that my daughter was up to this BEFORE it got this far. As far as punishing her, I'd probably embarrass her. I would contact these 'boys' and explain that my daughter was much younger than they probably thought, and that I could quite easily get them in big trouble with the law because she was FIFTEEN. She would get in trouble obviously for lying to me. She would lose her cell phone/texting privelages and not be allowed to use the computer without me sitting by her. As far as keeping her at home, it would depend. If she was only talking to these boys via text and/or computer and did not know them or get together with them in real life, I might not completely ground her, but if there was a chance she was meeting them away from home, then I would. For me, it's not so much RULES that would make me worried in a scenario like this. It's more that someone would take advantage of her, get her to trust them and meet them and boom... abducted, assaulted, raped, hurt. Some people are crazy, they would even kill a girl once they gained their trust.

Hi twoey68, For one, I would be the most strictest mother in the world, I would take here phone awafrom her, escort her to school and back, if I can, I'd stay around in her school even to her class room and if she wants to see her friends I may let her see one or two friend at home and whoever comes to see her, I would take their phone of her friend, I would do that for a while till she learned her lessons. Kids today gets too much freedom in the first place. Tamara

kids are had to raise today with all the other kids that have cells and so many parents don't know are care what their kids are doing i would ground them take away their pc and cells and games and what every they enjoyed doing for a time.i would explain why i was doing what i was doing.be parents first instead of friends

I would start with confiscating it all. I have a daughter that did those things, and we ended up in a big mess with her. She would have to earn my trust back and I would try to find things to explain to her why she should not trust everyone she is talking to online. My son cannot understand why the only time he can be on the internet is when we are in the same room. I would rather be safe and the bad guy, then to be sorry.

After raising five children , two girls & three boys, i have found that having a heart to heart talk with them can work wonders....I did not down them but i told them of the dangers that could happen if they continued going in the wrong direction.....It is not an easy job raising children & teen age years are the worst, but all we can do is teach them the right way & pray they listen...Of all of my five children , one was a rebellious one & he has spent a lot of time in jail...He has told me he wished he had listened to my advice, and he also said that he did the wrong things and he brought it all on himself....Even though he is constantly doing the wrong things & making wrong choices ..he KNOWS right from wrong, and i did my best to teach him, so i know i did the right thing..The other four children are happy, hold good jobs ,and are great people now, so i hope that what i taught them stuck somehow....I have noticed that my children have followed with their children the way i did them growing up..They have heart to heart tallks with them & let them know they are loved and only want the best for them, and so far it has worked..It never helps to scream & holler, and make a fuss, it only makes things worse...If you have to take things away from them, sit them down & explain "WHY" you are doing it, and let them know that when their actions change then things will be better for them......

Hi twoey, In some ways I'm happy that I don't have teenagers today, but I still believe that what worked 25 years ago would work today. The problem you present here is a difficult one because you've given us a 15 year old daughter that has been hiding the truth from her parents. Although I know that all children are different I feel that wouldn't be the situation if she had been raised differently. We have to remember that the teenage years are very difficult ones and that has always been the case whether we are willing to admit or not. Teens today of course, face many new and different challenges that their parents didn't have to cope with. I know I would start by not placing blame on the child, she already has enough to deal with. Getting through to her that you really love her and want only what's best for her may not be easy but you must somehow gain her trust. We never do the right thing when we get angry and punishment isn't the way to go as long as she feels that you're acting like a big bully, it will only add fuel to the fire. At the same time we cannot ignore the situation because that would only prove that we had given up on her. Different things work for different people when you try to reach out to someone, and the challenge here is to find what works, but you must get through and she has to know that your concern is genuine, otherwise it doesn't work. Blessings.

I say lower the boom. If you make your point the first time, they will relize the result of their behavior if they are caught. Not to mention the threat the older married man would be getting in the process. If my daughter is mad at me..so be it..my job is to keep her from screwing up. We have time to be friends later.