As a parent, are you OBLIGATED to do anything for your children?

See, that is why I have such a tough time with this. *I* wasn't this way as a kid! My siblings for the most part were not this way. We were not allowed to be! Hardly anybody from my generation was allowed to be this way, and if they were, we were cautioned to stay away from them lest their attitudes rub off on us lol. My husband's generation (he is one before me) was not like this either. Then I have my little daughter and she is most definitely not like this! It's just frustrating because I think I would rip out all my hair if she ever acted like this.

i am not really sure why some children are like this. i think is that whole i want more for my children then i had for myself thing we as parents do. and i think altought our intentions are good, we allow them to become brats. i think just giving and giving without allowt them to be accountable is another reason.

I have talked to my husband about this. Since my son is technically my step son, I sometimes butt heads with him about some of this. I have tried to explain that since I did not get to raise my son from the time he was a toddler, there are certain things he has managed to get away with, certain attitudes which he thinks are okay - because my husband ALLOWS it. For instance, he doesn't think it's rude if he chooses not to eat part of dinner, or even make rotten comments about it. He doesn't always back me up that our son needs to ASK for things instead of just 'letting us know' things. I am very much behind ALL kids asking for things first, politely, with the knowledge that the answer may NOT be what they want, and not having a gigantic fit upon being told 'no' or 'wait'. For reference, even if you are 18, if you are so dependent on us that you have no source of your own income, I don't think it's okay for you to think you can waste ours on whatever you deem necessary lol. Anyway, he really is a nice boy and I hear that often from other people, but apparently he doesn't come unglued on them like he does on me when I try to get him to do things he knows he should be doing, like school work, homework, chores, etc. I really do not feel I should have to reward him any more for doing things he should have learned to JUST DO out of habit by now.

And I'm sure it was a better car because you had to work for it

LOL! I wanted a car too when I was 16 but you know what? I had to get a job and earn the money myself. I did not have enough money until I was 18, since I worked very part time when I worked due to school, and I also had other avenues for my money than just the car savings fund lol. I wish my son was not so freaking lazy =(

LOL Irish! My first car was a silver Honda Civic.... an 83. It was sweet and had a nice little car bra. I was definitely glad that I was no longer riding the BUS... ugh. Not fun for a girl, especially a girl who is smaller than almost everybody she encounters unless they are under age 10 lol.

I wish kids could understand that if they were appreciative instead of demanding, there is NOTHING I wouldn't do if I could afford it! Of course we want our kids to have more than we had, to be more successful, and to be happy! BUT... if they are rude and demanding, then even if I were a millionaire, so help me god I'd make them get a job at a fast food place to buy their own school clothes lol.

The word you used 'millionaire' struck a chord in me. I work part time managing an upscale villa that is used by celebrities who come to this Island. And yes, the owners are millionaires. However the children are so polite and the twins are now at University and on the Honours roll etc. Every summer they had to work for part of the summer. Their parents demanded this and they were amazingly unspoiled. But the third son was the maverick. Lat year when they come to the Villa for the summer he told his mother that he needed a rest and did not want to work (they live in Florida) she didn't say anything but allowed him to accompany her to the Island. They stayed with one of her brothers for 2 days before they came to the villa. When he asked when they were leaving for the villa where he would have 5 staff at his beck and call, she calmly informed him that as he did not want to work in Florida then she had arranged for him to work at his Uncle's business on the Island and that he was starting the next day! So he had to work for 6 weeks of his holiday in a storeroom. Then he started University last year but just scraped in. His parents calmly told him that unless his grades improved then they were not going to pay for 4 years of college tuition so if he would have to take out a student loan etc to complete his education. This summer his mother told me that he had made the honours list and was working in a fast food restaurant for the summer. One of the twins will be studying medicine and the other is doing engineering. I admire the parents so very much and the lessons that they have taught them.Although they have never skimped on travelling with their children and they all go to Aspen for skiing etc, these teens know that what their parents have is what they worked for and does not entitle them to waste their parent's money. Their education is paid for and all that they NEED for school - not their wants. They will get some of their wants but not all and they have to use part of their own money and save for something they want.I think that the key is that the parents discuss and agree on all this together before they speak to their children. They present a united front so the kids could not play one parenty against the other one. One year about 3 or 4 year ago when we were htrewatend by a hurricane they were told to secure the house of one of the staff as where her house is is dangerous. So they all went out in the rain and helped to batten down her house to protect both she and her family. They are great people.

I very much agree with you. We have explained to our son that we both had jobs in high school... I bought my first car by myself with my own money when I was 18, my husband bought a motorcycle with his own money when he was 17, then left home and joined the air force. This isn't for lack of good examples, I'm telling you lol. Whatever my parents didn't, wouldn't, or couldn't buy me, I bought myself. There was no other option, no questions asked. It was basically the same for my husband. I just can't seem to figure out how to get my son motivated. My daughter - who is five - is already motivated. If I tell her she can earn a dollar and if she puts it in her piggy bank, mommy will give you a second dollar, guess where she puts the dollar? Of course she will earn the dollar, she is enthusiastic about having her own money. She also thinks it's cool that she can get more by saving it instead of spending it.

It's all about lack of motivation I am thinking... along with a big dose of laziness. For instance, if my son asks for say... 20 bucks or for texting or this or that, I'll say, okay, come up with some things you can do around the house for me to earn it. Usually that is met with moans and groans, or he 'can't think of anything'. If I go further and I say, ok, you can earn 20 bucks by cleaning up your room, emptying the dishwasher, washing, drying, folding and putting away all your laundry, emptying the trash etc, he will complain that it's not worth it! I simply don't get this. When I was a kid, and I'm talking a SMALL kid, like six, maybe seven, I would be willing to do whatever I could to earn a quarter, fifty cents, etc. If someone offered me 20 bucks, I would do practically anything - within reason lol. If my parents were willing to foot my text or cell phone bill in exchange for some daily or weekly chores, would I do it? HECK YES I WOULD DO IT! And I would do it happily, well, and without complaining! When you want something badly, you have to be willing to do something to get it, not just ask other people and give nothing in return. I have just NEVER experienced what my son is doing, I would always be willing to go above and beyond to get what I wanted, and to make someone else feel good because they were helping me lol.

Well, my son gripes and complains when he is asked to pick up his room so he doesn't breed bugs and bacteria in there, he complains when I ask him to do his laundry, he complains when I ask him to clean his bathroom, and he thinks it's 'not fair' if I won't just drop whatever I'm doing to go drive him somewhere - even if I'm cooking dinner at the time or I have plans to have company or leave myself. It's just about crazy. Just today he pulled the whole 'I'm grown up now, I can do what I want'... but you know what? Someone who is actually grown up takes care of their things and themselves without being asked or reminded, and they certainly do not demand that someone else drive them somewhere. I think he was allowed to get away with stuff when he was younger and that's what helped lead to this attitude. In my experience, you have to start really early with kids, from the time they are toddlers. Some of the best parents I know teach their kids very early about these concepts. My daughter is very proud of herself when she takes care of her things and helps people... and those are two things I have always told her were important. If you want something from someone else, you always have to think of what you can do for them in return.

I agree, kerriannc. I have seen many times a child throw a fit in a gas station, that I work at, for mom or dad to buy them something they want after the parent has already said no. I want to scream at that parent everytime they give into the child's temper tantrum. All they're teaching that little one is that if they scream and hollar loud enough then they will get their way. For the handful of parents that I see who don't give in, I applaud them.

LOL! I am that parent in the line ignoring my daughter while she yells 'you're mean mommy, I want that candy, mommy'. She doesn't do things like that very often but once in awhile she does, and I almost want to bust up laughing. She knows she will never get anything by behaving that way, in fact later I always discuss it with her and she always admits that mommy has NEVER bought her anything when she made a scene and started yelling. This is actually about my older kids, not my little one though. I have been trying and trying to teach my son that the only way he will get things is through his own effort and not mine. He babysits for my best friend and I know she pays him well. Time and time again I remind him that if he wants something, he needs to save that money towards it. I dont even know what he spends it on but it's like he has a hole in his pocket. It's very frustrating and it annoys me. When I was his age, I had a lot of money saved, plus I always had like 20 bucks on hand for whatever, whether it was for gas money for a friend so we could go to a theme park or lunch out, a cd, or a cute shirt. Right now I am sure he will ask again about his texting - which we give him in EXCHANGE for him taking care of his weekly chores, his bathroom, and his room WITHOUT GIVING US ATTITUDE. Unfortunately, he has not only NOT been keeping up with those, whenever I say anything, he gives me attitude. I foresee I will not be able to reach him on his cell phone when the month rolls over unless he pays for it if he wants it that bad. I really try not to give in to him, but he is exceedingly nasty whenever I try to teach him how to be responsible....

Kids who learn how to problem-solve early (what can *I* do vs what can you do for me) have an easier time tackling things in daily life. They have a better understanding and appreciation of how things work together either for a good result.... or a bad result. I have always been a hands-on type of person, I am most stressed out when there's nothing I can actively DO to help something move forward. I simply don't understand the people who sit there and expect something to be handed to them. In my opinion, if you want something, you do something to get it, you don't blame other people, you don't roll over and lie there, you figure out what YOU can do to accomplish your goal. If you don't, it's nothing but your own fault if you fail.

Yes, I believe that value is only learned when you earn things yourself. That is why I refuse to do a lot of things for my son now, he is old enough that he is at the sink or swim point. I am nearly through teaching him, especially since he doesn't seem to want to be taught any more, yet since he does not practice his skills (ha ha ha), he is miserable at earning things for himself. I've been trying to teach him how to be more independent for seven years. LOL! Instead, he has seemed to become almost more dependent on us, asking for stuff all the time. It's really getting on my nerves. Yes I DO expect him to do something for me if he wants me to do something for him. I don't exist to serve him, please lol.

My daughter understands though, even while she is having a fit. She knows the rules, she knows that bottom line, she must ask for things (and know that mommy or daddy can always say no), to have any chance of getting them, not just expect them. Then she must be willing to do something to earn it, like behave or be patient even if she is somewhere that she doesn't FEEL like it, or perhaps do something for mommy. I think that based upon generalities, my daughter is spoiled. There are lots of things she has and lots of things she gets, but she is very appreciative most of the time, she says please and thank you, and she enjoys what we give her or the entertainment we do together. She doesn't just demand something and have an attitude and then break it 2 weeks later or act like it's a horrible thing to spend the day with mom and dad at the zoo, for instance. She doesn't seem to have an entitlement complex, and I am really really hoping she never develops one. I really don't like teen attitude. I have told her before if she acts like her brother I will take everything she has away and put it in a big plastic bag and give it back to her after a month lol. She's funny, she has even warned him and said 'hey, if you don't knock it off mommy will get mad and ground you and take away your xbox and then your friends can't come over'. He rags her for saying that but whaddaya know, it has HAPPENED a couple times!

Need... yes. I also believe that kids ought to appreciate what we do for them, and by that I mean EVERYTHING. Instead of demanding things or complaining, they need to consider that we provide a home and everything in it, electricity for those video games, cable for the tv, we go grocery shopping and cook them dinner, we take care of all those extra curricular activities and sports, drive them to those, make sure they don't get injured or sick and if they do, we take them to the doctor, we ensure the schools are doing what they are supposed to and that our kids get to school. I can definitely tell you that if someone APPRECIATES what I do, I will go out on a limb for them, I would probably do much much more for someone who appreciates everything I do rather than someone who sits there and doesn't even PAY ATTENTION.