Breaking the cycle - WHY do you 'stay together for the kids'??

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This is a question for those of you who are children of people who 'stayed together for the kids', those of you who are currently doing something like this, or those of you who have considered it but maybe haven't made up your minds yet. WHY do you do this? Do you honestly believe your parents made the right decision? Is it out of guilt? To me, this is NOT the way to protect your kids. As an adult, I know that my actions and the actions of my spouse reflect on and influence many more people than just the two of us. In the same manner, children are like little sponges, they soak up EVERYTHING. Not just the good, but also the BAD. What do you think your daughter learns when she sees you put her mommy down? What do you think your son learns when you laugh at his mommy rudely or undermine her in front of him? What do you think your teens learn when you talk to your husband as if he's also one of your kids? Honestly, when you have issues, it is not fair for it to trickle down to the kids but if the kids are THERE, it will. In my humble opinion, people ought to be together because they love each other. NOT because someone forced them to be together, because your friends think you make a good couple, because you've been dating for 10 years, or have kids together. While you do still have to communicate in the future because of kids if you have them, it doesn't give you the right to poison your kids while you are attempting to poison each other because you're angry. Also, angry people who are not willing to work together any more because you no longer share common ground probably are better off separate. Think of it this way, would you really want to put yourself in your kids' place if your marriage is on the rocks, going nowhere fast, and all you do is yell and scream and slam doors, give each other dirty looks, it's never your fault but it's never his fault, nobody will go to counseling, nobody even thinks of how the kids feel? I can tell you point blank I would not want to be that kid. I would probably TELL my parents to get on with it and at least separate so my home life could be somewhat normal, if not normal at least QUIET! Also, what if things have escalated to the point where one or the other parent takes out their anger or problems with the other one or on the kids? So my dad is mad at my mom about something stupid - she didn't make him what he wanted for dinner and I'm sitting there working on something for school and he comes by and unplugs my computer and kicks my chair and tells me to get out of his sight before he has a fit...? I'm not saying these things have happened to me, but if they did, man, I would be BEGGING my parents to end it. Then there is the whole religious slant. There is not now nor has there ever been any clause in the marriage vows that states you must stay with a person who is abusing YOU or your CHILDREN. I think that is actually one of the reasons for divorce that is universally accepted. I happen to feel that if you belong to a religion that frowns on you for deciding you are worth your own happiness, then that religion is wrong. Nobody is here to be a doormat, nobody is here to be pushed into misery and shackled there for a lifetime. Also, people who are miserable and have no self esteem are probably having such a hard time trying to dig themselves out of depression, what else do kids get from that? They should see the future as a bright thing, relationships as good, and their happiness and success as something within their reach, but I can sure tell you that if my parent was all gloom and doom about the present and the future, after awhile, I guess I'd see the world the same way. I would begin to believe that I'd never amount to anything, never accomplish anything. I would begin to think that all I had waiting for me was being mistreated in a relationship myself, and that I deserved nothing more. It's just sad, the length this goes to. Please think twice before you decide that you are 'staying together for the kids'. If there's nothing about staying together for you in that equation, it may be time to consider giving it up. It doesn't do the kids any good and if you are already unhappy, it definitely isn't improving life for you.