should baby boomers be allowed on Facebook?
By agirnow
@agirnow (157)
France
August 21, 2009 4:41pm CST
When you are 15 and receive your first cell phone, you do things like text people to break up with them. When you are 13 and get your facebook/myspace account, you might spread rumors about someone who has hurt you or air your personal problems/arguments in front of all of your 'friends.'
My father is 46 and has been on face book for less than a year. He gets so excited that he has 39, 42, 55 friends and he adds people that he barely knows just to get the counter to go up. He met his girlfriend from middle school, added her as a friend and then cheated on my mom with her - all because of facebook.
Then when we all heard about this, he texted, TEXTED my mother to tell her he filed for divorce.
My parents were not perfect, but they were in love and best friends. There were no arguments or bizarre behaviors... and then, all of a sudden, he finds this woman he hasn't seen in 25 years.. who is also married.. and cheats on my mom.
I think that if people can't be introduced to these social network tools when they are young enough that they can make mistakes and learn how to deal with them before they get to be so important, they shouldn't be on them at all. My mom's divorce lawyer says that 75% of her divorce cases this year have been born from facebook-type social networks.
What do you think? Do you have any experiences like this? Do you have any advice for baby boomers? I feel like this excitedment about being connected is not such a problem for those of us that started young... am I wrong, are their young people falling into the same trap?
6 responses
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
22 Aug 09
There are people of all ages getting into difficult situations with or without facebook and such like. Facebook etc may provide the means for people to reconnect with old friends/lovers but it still comes down to the individual's self control. I think you answer your final question before you even ask it.
1 person likes this
@ellaprice76 (196)
• United States
22 Aug 09
You post made me sad. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I think if my father would have had a computer he may would have cheated on my mom as well. He did the as I call it intellectual cheating all the time but never physical, or maybe I don't know.
Facebook and other social networks is just one way how our world is changing.
@agirnow (157)
• France
22 Aug 09
I just feel like facebook makes it so much easier and the 'high' that people get when they are suddenly connected to so many people makes it easier to make mistakes... I think you understand this, though a few of the other comments seem offended as if I am only taking my anger out on babyboomers. It cannot be denied that so many of the divorces today are because of these connections and we will have to figure out how to adapt.
Thank you for your sympathy and I am sorry for your situation too... it is not easy to have parents who are looking elsewhere... in my situation, I didn't even know he was looking and BAM! he'd cheated. Well, all is said and done.
@agirnow (157)
• France
22 Aug 09
Yeah and come to think of it, it has only happened to me once, but I have had (when I was in high school) the parent of my best friend use her im name to talk to me and try to spy on us... not that we were bad kids and ever did anything that would have made him mad or anything, but the idea that he didn't trust his daughter enough and would violate my trust like that stirred me up pretty well.
The internet is a good tool, but we need to be really aware of what we and others are doing with it. I remember having a facebook 'high' and heaven only knows if I would have done something stupid if I was given the chance... but I was always told to be ware of the internet and that stays with me every time that I use it.
@ellaprice76 (196)
• United States
22 Aug 09
Very true, good point "the high people get"
One thing which has always bothered me, already when instant message started, was you never know if the person is so called "real" on the other side. I like forums because you see a person responding to many different topics and you can get a good idea of the person. However, facebook, myspace and the online dating leaves to much room to pretend to be something you are not.
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
22 Aug 09
If people are going to cheat, they are going to do it regardless if they have facebook or if they go to a dating site or if they happen to "fall in love" at their office. People should stop using social sites as an excuse for their bad behavior and start taking responsibility for their poor judgment.
@agirnow (157)
• France
22 Aug 09
I agree that people who cheat need to take responsibility for their bad behavior. I didn't mean to make any excuses for my dad or anyone else who cheats, I just feel that it would have been much harder for him to find anyone (my dad is mildly obese and not as attractive as he used to be)... I have a hard time believing that a person who didn't know him before and/or get a chance to know him face to face would necessarily be looking towards him for that kind of relationship... maybe I'm shallow or biased based on my view of my dad's 'appeal' but that's one of the reasons I hold such a strong link in my mind as to why/how he cheated.
He not only has not taken responsibility for his actions, but he thinks he is justified and can't understand why everyone is so angry with him.
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
22 Aug 09
I'm going to be the first babyboomer to reply here, and this is just my opinion: No, I don't think that we shouldn't be allowed a facebook account just because of our age. No matter what the age group, you will always find people who will cheat and do dumb stuff. Chronological age does not always = maturity. Chances are that the people who cheat are probably cheating other places than just on Facebook and internet networks. It's not facebook that's the problem, nor the age, it's the person themselves who is either pre-disposed to cheat or not. I personally only let my friends and family on my facebook wall, and I've had no problems. No matter what social network people use, whether it's a bar, facebook, work, or anywhere else, they still would have the opportunity to cheat if they really wanted to. I think it's terrible that your family is going through this. One has to wonder if their relationship was strong to begin with, or if they already had problems that you don't know about. Happy couples in love with each other don't cheat...no matter what opportunity presents itself. Immaturity and mistakes have nothing to do with age, it has more to do with character and honesty.
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
22 Aug 09
Hi joyfulone,
I´m nearly a babyboomer at least I think I am and what has that got to do with me being on Facebook. Each Person has to know how to use their own common sense which you are blessed with sometimes and other times not.
Everyone makes mistakes and it´s true no matter how old you are you can still behave in an imature way.
Seen this happen but on the Chat of two forums that a couple were deceiving each other and they got found out but on the Television. It was just coincidence they both went to the same program.
The day we all put the Calendar on the Wall away and stop counting the days off till doomsday we will all be able to live much more freely. Thats my way of seeing this.
Ok the last phrase is a bit out of place but it is related to it.
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
22 Aug 09
I really don't think it is a matter of them "making these mistakes" because they are older and never had the chance to make them before, i think they make these mistakes because appearently they are not as mature and wise as the number of years they have been on this planet would lead you to beleive.
People of ANY age who behave in this way online, would behave in some similar way off line if given the chance, the internet just widens the possibilities andmakes it a little easier. If your father had run into this past girlfriend in the supermarket, as opposed to online and exchanged umbers with her and had a good chat, the same result probably would have happened. You really can't blame it on the technology used.
That said, i actually embrace the use of facebook and whatnot by older generations. I keep in touch with my parents, my aunts and uncles and many other people through my facebook who i am not able to visit as i live half way across the country from them. Sending messages back and forth and reading over status' posts is a way for us to still be involved with eachothers lives.
Now...if only i could get my grandmother online...but i don't think that will ever happen. She is 87 years old and it took my dad 15 years to teach her how to set her VCR to record one show, while she watched another....and we just finaly got her usedto her cell phone and are working on text messaging......
@bigjim59 (32)
• United States
22 Aug 09
Sorry to hear about your situation. It is indeed unfortunate and must have hurt you and your mother greatly. My deepest sympathies.
Unfortunately, human nature is not always pretty, and there is not much you can do about life except to be in command of yourself and your own destiny. People tend to do what they want to do, and that's the way the ball bounces. Sometimes it effects is in a way we don't like or don't understand. This goes for all people of all ages and backgrounds.
Like I have said frequently, be the best YOU that you can be and let your example shine. As for controlling the dysfunctions of others, you will often find it nearly impossible. Just make sure that you are there for those who love you and support them. That's about all you can do.
@agirnow (157)
• France
22 Aug 09
Thank you for your support and advice. I have decided that sometimes God just wants you to know that you don't control anything and any control you think you have is an illusion. The only thing we can control is how we act or react to a situation.
I am trying to be as positive as I can and I am trying to support my mother as much as possible. Like you said, you can only be the best that YOU can be. My mother always says, "You make your own happiness" ... sometimes it's harder than others.
thank you again for your support.
