do you believe that 7 years relationship is doomed?
By 3superkids
@3superkids (446)
Philippines
August 22, 2009 2:10pm CST
I have a friend who presently is trying to mend her broken heart. Her seven years relationship with her boyfriend just ended and she is blaming it on not getting married before they reach 7. They were supposed to get married last year but postponed it to this year, unfortunately it seemed like it's not going to happen anymore. They used to work together in one company but her boyfriend was transferred to its sister company. They were not that far from each other but the guy was spending so much time at work as it just started its operation. At least that was what he let her believe. On the first month he said he can't bear not seeing her everyday. Then during the next 3 months they'd only see each other 2 to 3 times a week. On the 5th month it became once a week. She trusted him so she believed that the reason his visits became saturdays only was because of the demand of his work. Even if her mind is full of doubts she refuses to complain to him that she felt that he is neglecting her. She was holding on to their wedding plan. six months after the transfer, that fast, he visited her one last saturday to tell her that he got another girl pregnant...whatever happened during the transfer of her boyfriend seemed not important because my friend is blaming the years...she said if only they got married last year this would not happen...she believe that when a relationship reaches 7 it is in great danger of not ending up together...i am kind of wondering about it...what about you out there? what do you think? care to share your thoughts? just an opinion...
1 person likes this
18 responses
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
hi,
me and my boyfriend are now 5 years and 2 months.. we are very strong today after surpassing a lot of trials in our relationship, maybe it's because we see each other everyday or 4-5 times a week, but now he is leaving.. he is working abroad, he is a seaman, he insisted that we need to marry each other before he will go but i don't really like it, i just want to face the fact if he can still stand away from me. not being tempted to those girls there.. and if that will happen maybe we are not meant for each other.. that's the casem of your friend, maybe they are not meant for each other.. and 7 years is very long.. it's not the girls problem, it's just destiny..
janebeth.
1 person likes this
@3superkids (446)
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
perhaps you are right...they are really not meant for each other...destiny - the transfer was probably the hand of fate moving so the boyfriend will meet the girl truly meant for her...ugh...but why does it have to hurt...
@kl_blueknight (381)
• Malaysia
23 Aug 09
First and formost, I don't believe in the 7 years itch. I think if a relationship is strong, be it 7 years or 10 years, nothing bad will ever happen. Before marriage, my girlfriend and I has been going out for 8 years. When she got pregnanat, we decided to get married and settle down. Now we are married for another 8 more years and there is no 7 years itch syndrome. Your friend should not blame herself. If she has to blame anyone, then blame it on the boyfriend who mess around while still in a relationship with her, and getting another girl pregnant too. This is not the 7 year itch, this is his own "itch" and landing another poor soul with his offspring. Just forget about guys like him, he is not worth the 7 year's wait.
@justinefontaine (90)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
This is an uncomfortable year for partners but not necessarily doomed. It's either you and your partner are meant to be together or not.
In your friend's case, it is better that your friend found that out before they got married. Would she rather have married him, have kids and then afterwards found out that her husband is having an affair with another woman and he got her pregnant? Wouldn't that terribly hurt more?
@pinklemonade (486)
•
23 Aug 09
A man who would do that would always be in danger of doing that. I actually think your friend is lucky she found out before she got married. It could of lasted 10 or 15 years only to realise he had been cheating the whole time. It must be horrible after 7 years but she must see the positive side that she doesn't deserve to be with someone like him and now she will be able to find someone so much better. I don't think time has anything to do with it.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
Bummer, that one really hit the rock, big time! so, what happens now, is this girl going to marry that other woman instead? No one anticipate that would happen but you know, even if they were married..i think it would have been considered as a blessing in disguise.why? if they did married at that time and she allowed him to go to that sister company. that, would have still happened, anyways, no one predicted that. but since she's not yet married...well, i know it hurts, but obviously not marrying after seven years of relationship doesn't count the fact he can also cheats
. Did they broke up or what? well, i know it's torn now..if they did break up, i know she can still move on.if she wanted too. just help her out with your other friends for her to recover.
.i feel sad too..@3superkids (446)
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
hello letranknight25, she ended the relationship finally. she knows they cannot get married anymore. but 7 years is 7 years...he was her first and only boyfriend so that's what probably what made it so painful...ironically not even once during their 7 year relationship did he tried to ask her to go to bed with him and yet he just met the new girl and in just a month or so he got her pregnant...but that's another story...well, eventually she'll get over it but maybe not anytime soon...
@dance4life (252)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I don't believe her theory. I had a four year relationship fall apart. It was headed that way. If I would have said after four years we should have gotten married everyone would give me funny looks. Marriage should not be the thing that makes everything better. Because if that's the way you think after you're married you'll start saying "if only I had his kids everything would be fine." Before you know it you would be getting a divorce and raising his children by yourself.
Regardless of how long you've been together not much should change once you're married (except maybe your filing status and combining some of your things together and even that is optional). If you need your boyfriend to make an oath to stay with you forever in a church then I don't think he's a very good catch. There are people who have been together for over 20 years and have never been married.
It's not going to be easy for her to get over this relationship. Seven years is a long time to be devoted to someone. It might take her several years to see that he was starting to neglect her.
@scrawl (374)
• India
23 Aug 09
If he was going to cheat, he would have done it irrespective of the fact, that they were married - so in a way its better that they weren't. Perhaps you might have got some alimony and get your way, but emotionally you are better off knowing the realiy of the situation.... Move on... there are others out there..... wishing you the best
@rasif000 (212)
• India
23 Aug 09
It's So sad. I really feel very sad hearing this. Thanks for your share.
@lcdelmendo18 (990)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
I absolutely disagree that a 7 year relationship is doomed...I think we should not generalize by considering just a few relationships...We are the one you are making our destiny...our future lies on our hands and not on some superstitious beliefs...Cheers!
@incredibleDNA (1742)
• Philippines
23 Aug 09
Well I really don't believe that there are numbers that is set to be doomed in a relationship. A relationship can be destroyed early or later if the couple didn't work it all out. I believe that they will just have to trust each other and always put God in the center of their lives to be guided.
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
23 Aug 09
By me previous experience it's no good for lovers to keep a long time relationship more than 2 year years without marriage. If they stay with each other for years but no marriage then they will probably break up in the end . A lot of cases prove it to be right. Well in your case i do think the boyfriend is not a very responsible person . How can he do such a big harm to his girlfriend who stay with him for 7 years !
@hmfryklund (389)
• United States
23 Aug 09
This is so funny lol, because last night I was hanging out with girls I hadn't talked to in forever and I was really close to, and one of them is coming onto her third year of marriage and said that it's supposed to be the craziest year of your marriage life, which is nuts! I wonder why people say this? lol... She said so far that it is true LOL! She said it is so up and down, up and down, I can't remember the details very much, she was kinda drunk, we all were lol! Anyways, this girl needs to stop blaming the 7 year itch! It is complete superstition!
@Duvalgirlmagic (16)
• United States
23 Aug 09
First of all your friend should not blame herself. Regardless if he switched companies I do believe he would have time to spend with her. Either he got bored with the relationship or he was just not happy with her. I have been with my boyfriend for four years, and we have been going strong. You know couples get in to arguments, but if it was not meant to be then it was not meant to be. I don't believe in the seven year thing, because like I said if it is meant to be it is meant to be.
@watershui (14)
• China
23 Aug 09
i am sorry to hear that.now your friend need your comfort.
i don't know what to say ,but i think maybe it is a new challenge to your friend.
@weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
22 Aug 09
your friend should not blame herself, it's not nice what happened. nothing wrong with being with your partner for a long time. i've been with mine for 8 yrs now, and we're not going to last. i'm only waiting for him to get a job, then it's over basically, we've grown apart and other things have come up that is making things hard to put up with.
sounds like the boy friend may have already been having the affair when he swaped jobs, and there was a perfect cover up. (sorry shouldn't put it so point blank)
@psycospaz (320)
• United States
22 Aug 09
I do not believe that at all. If he was going to cheat then he was going to cheat, ring and piece of paper or not. Maybe getting married would have gave him pause, but I doubt that. However that has nothing to do with time together. I've seen relationships of 10 years (not married) last another 10 more (still with no marriage) and I've seen a married couple of 2 years get divorced the third year.
Now I have heard of that old wives tale of the seven year itch, but that is for married couples who supposedly get tired of each other after seven years.
Reassure your friend though, it wasn't her fault and it wasn't any fault of them not getting married. And trust me if they had been married it would have been a lot harder to find out that your husband has gotten another woman pregnant.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Aug 09
First off, your friend should not blame herself for the relationship going wrong. Now, on to the 7 year itch type of thing. My husband and I are now in our 7th year. It has been the hardest year that we've had so far. The first several years were great, but this year has been difficult for us. Perhaps it is because we've undergone so many changes during this year, or perhaps there truly is a seven year itch. Sometimes I just want to get away for a while. I was even tempted to go home the night before our anniversary.
Now, I love my husband more than anything, and I know that we will be together for a long time to come, but it is a tough time in a relationship.
@dbabcook (388)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I do not know that there is any such thing documenting that any relationship is doomed once it reaches the 7 year mark and there has been no marriage. A relationship, if meant to be doomed will end whenever it ends. Every relationship is doomed from the start. There are so many trials in all relationships that one can never determine until a later time if the relationship will succeed or be doomed. There has also been statements made that you really don't know a person until you have lived with them for atleast months. Well, I beg to differ with that one as well as I am living with my boyfriend and have been for over a year now and I am still learning things. It's kind of scary at times. Thank you for the post and I wish you a good evening and happy mylotting.
