Do You Find One Bad Comment From Someone Can Ruin Your Entire Day?

Firstly may I say what I wonderful, interesting and profound response you gave and for that alone I appreciate! Secondly I admire you for being able to cry, the one thing I say you are wrong is to call yourself a baby at 40 for crying. NO! I envy you, I wish I could cry, you are stronger than me in that you are able to cry. I was always taught from a very young age that boys should never cry! It shows weakness. Do you know something if I had the power to cry maybe I wouldn't be carrying around so much anger, hurt and hatred that I do today. And at the end of your response you said abuse! That is true for I have been abused numerous times in my life both mentally and physically which has made me deeply suspicious and paranoid of people. I feel more comfortable talking to people online. I am glad you have stayed on Mylot and please have the courage to start up discussions! I will add you as friend because I feel you have so much to give this site. And the response you gave well doesn't that make you happy that you have taken the time and thought to respond with a wonderful reply, so many people respond with one or two lines at best! So smile and be proud that you have contributed so much to my discussion and for that alone I appreciate!

I have also added you as a friend ;0)

Thank you so much for your warmth, kindness and generosity. You have touched my heart and it made me cry again.......hahahhaa......ok I'll admit it I'm a cry baby......I would change my username if it were possible to simply "cry baby"...(but I can't now)......because I feel so small and vulnerable in truth....often when I sit here to type, I feel my whole body language change and shrink in age to a mere young child. I do appreciate you 'meeting me'in your reply.....to be met is such a wonderful thing, otherwise you can sort of get left in a numb limbo void. I wish there were more sensitive people about, I think this planet would be a very different place indeed. Being sensitive oneself, can also make one sensitive to others which is a good thing. As we know what it is like to be on the receiving end. All my life I have been a very emotional one, like I feel that I have wires that just don't exist in other people. My husband says that he has never known someone who is soooooooo emotional. Crying is important, it does help, but I have cried so much in my life Wolfie but the pain still seems to be there, the only thing that seems to relieve is it LOVE. So although crying can release steam, it never resolves anything, because I feel the problem is deep rooted in our 'system' on this planet. The system is not set up from an intention of LOVE, it's set up from a system of greed and power, so whoever come's into contact with it, they will feel jarred one way or another. Its like the pivot is all wrong. For the last 10 years or so I have been leading a very reclusive life, we have little to do with people as much as possible and then all is fine. We are happy and life is beautiful as we understand eachother deeply. But it becomes hard to make new friends because they know nothing about you or your motives and it takes many many years to know or trust anyone. I would really like to branch out and make good friends across the globe, but sometimes I think it maybe not be possible in this day and age as everyone has already been so burnt and are now so very cautious. What I mean to say is that, although you are so cautious about people, I am very grateful that you have extended your hand of friendship to me online. It means alot to me and I truly hope that one day you can find that place easily of crying and just letting the tears flow, hand out with me, I'm crybaby number one.LOL. Thank you for encouraging me to discuss, at the moment, I have lost my groove, and I'm tongued tied to start anything, but no doubt it will soon return as I meet gentle souls like yourself. It will help me get on my feet again. My husband cries very easily too, he is a very sensitive soul, but the thing that is really amazing with him is that he can take any amount of insult with a pinch of salt aswell. He is never abusive himself, but can always see the funny side immediately if anybody says something insulting to him. He once told me that he went on a certain site where the people were really rude to eachother, he found it fascinating because they were actually talking about something of great merit. Then after observing for many days, he wrote something very small, knowing he would be insulted very badly....but he wrote it anyway.....he wrote 'good night'....he received a torrent of insults from the other side of the world.....and it made him giggle so much.....that he was crying with laughter....he was able to see the humour in it all....and although being very sensitive, took it not personally one bit......now that for me is really something amazing and inspiring! A person like that must just feel so FULL inside, must know himself so well, be in his heart, but need nothing at all from anybody. He then went back and replied and congratulated them on their incredible and highly imaginative use of the English language for which he definitely ranks America world number 1.....(he's Irish)....and then they got even more angry.....and he laughed/cried even harder.....because there was an unspoken understanding that it was just an avatar persona that was swearing at him.....and he was actually tickled pink that they were spending so much time typing away to him....sitting in new york.....lol..... Anyway I'm sorry for rambling incoherently here, time I put myself to bed...haha...but I would really like to be sensitive but be more self contained too. Take care Angelie

I was quite taken aback at how someone could actually be offended by your dislike of a certain food, I mean it's hardly a controversial subject is it, food? Oh well it takes all sorts, yes I agree in emails you cannot pick up the nuances of the conversation and the grammar also makes a difference as I am sure you know. Sometimes it's best to write our feelings out, even in anger and then rip up the letter or keep it somewhere safe, but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it!

I think the person concerned had issues with something else, Wolfie, and took offence about the food comment as an easy 'out'. I had been very self-obsessed and boring, rambling on with my problems - admittedly, when I went back and read the last few emails I'd sent, I realised how boring and selfish it sounded - but I'd also always trusted this person was ballsy enough to tell me when they'd heard enough. Never mind - life is full of disappointments, and you definitely can't see into other people's heads or work out exactly how their cogs are turning! Life mooches on!

You know it's funny my dear friend that I can give out great advice but sometimes I feel sad because I cannot practice what I preach, I also think it's weird that I can feel so confident and happy talking to people on line and yet when I go outside I become a different person entirely. But on another note I count myself extremely fortunate to have wonderful friends like you who rally around and support me and give me great advice, make me smile and make me feel better about myself. I am sorry you had to leave your job and I too have been there, life is too short to be somewhere that is having a deep impact on your home life and your health. It's their loss because they have lost a wonderful person in you and no doubt a blo*dy hard worker, shame to say that they will never admit it!

OMG this also happens to me. I have a ton of friends that come to me for advice, because I'm a very good listener and I give good, reasonable advice, but I feel like I don't have all that much control over my own feelings. Sometimes it is REALLY easy to ruin my day. At least I'll be a few hours moody and monosilabic. It's not a very good thing specially when you have a long-term relationship, 'cause nobody is perfect, and all of us have to deal with things we don't like. The funny thing is that after a moody period, I just can't keep it inside anymore, and I'll either talk to that person, or I'll let it go and forget it. But until then, it just eats me inside, mess with my sleep and all that. I worry too much, I care too much and sometimes I guess I'm just pathetic. But I'm happy to see that I'm not the only one...

OMG, maybe the pathetic thing came out wrong. I meant I sometimes feel pathetic being that way, but now I see that I'm not, because those problems happen with other people too all the time, so it makes me feel better about myself to see that I'm not alone in this. (I'm not calling you guys pathetic, god no LOL)

Some people though are wolves in sheeps clothing (except me naturally!) and they may be nice to your face or smile at you but they can turn at a drop of a hat or they will gossip about you behind your back. There are always bad apples I agree wherever you go offline or on, learning to tell which ones are the bad apples and becoming immune to their bitterness is indeed the key.

That is true! I do need to get myself a thicker skin so that comments bounce off me, I tend to be like a sponge I seem to soak up negativity from others and any compliments are disregarded! You have the right attitude, I do need to toughen up, maybe once I have worked out how to keep my self esteem at a higher level I can laugh at those who deem it necessary to put me down at any chance they get.

Thanks Benny! I guess I personalize too much and think what is wrong with me, when in actual fact it's their problem, I guess because I have been bullied for most of my life I am suspicious and paranoid which doesn't help my thinking and so I tar everyone with the same brush and I think ill of everyone. I have a lot of work to do on myself and I realize this, I am getting therapy but it's a slow process, I've got 9 years of abusive relationships to work through as well. Hence why I don't like to be around people and prefer my own company and I am far happier being single.

its easy just remember there are nice people out there and there are people who have nothing going for them other than to put others down due to their pitiful existances. I had a guy at school an old school mate, who once we left school used to say little comments to me everyday as he lived 2 blocks from me so bumped into him at super markets etc etc. I didnt let it get to me, and guess what the reason he puts me down is he is jealous as he has no life himself, he gets off putting others down he's been divorced 3 times the 2nd wife took his kid away from him when they divorced, he lives in a rented house and has never worked in 4/5 years. Basically he has nothing going for him other than putting people down. In short putting people down makes him feel better, so ignore it and associate with the people you get on with, and ignore the idiots that are just there to drag you down its a harsh world out there become the hunter not the hunted and treat everyone that deserves respect with respect and ignore the ones that dont.

Thank you sandi what you have said has been very helpful, what I used to do which I have thankfully stopped is that I would seek solace in gambling which I know now is NOT the answer but if there was a 'trigger' during the day i.e. a comment, something said to me or I have had a bad day I would stay up sometimes two to three hours on the net gambling, money that I couldn't afford! To block out what had happened, like an escape. Wow I have stopped that, I am currently going cold turkey on my addiction and it's working, I do keep a 'self esteem' journal and I am seeing a therapist on a weekly basis. A therapist once told me that rational thinking was my greatest weapon against those that try to hurt you, trouble is putting it into practice! It also stems from the fact that I have been badly abused in the past both physically and mentally and so I am highly suspicious, paranoid and in truth afraid of getting close to people offline.

I need to develop a tougher skin, I feel exactly like you taken sh*t for too long, especially from my ex's and bullies. I think you have to do it for your own health as they can drag you down if you let them. Hugs to you and it's a bit too hot for me and Gissi to play today! Besides I think he would rather stay in and look after his mum he did say you were feely poorly this weekend, animals know don't they, they are sensitive that way! xxxx

Hi Sweet yes I am poorly but feeling better then what I have in the last couple of Days Gissi has been poorly to he has been to the Vet on Friday and Saturday, but he is ok now Love you Sweetie xxx

To be honest I tend to stay away from controversial subjects on Mylot I find it safer and easier that way, because you leave yourself wide open for verbal attacks if someone doesn't agree with you.

For me it's triggers, I find that a comment made will trigger off something that has happened in the past, the comment then gets bigger as I think about it more and it starts the snowball effect, why does this always happen to me, everyone hates me, it's because of the way I look, I am easily picked on, abused. I have been both mentally and physically abused in the past and thus triggers flashbacks too. It's trying to put it into context without it starting off as a snide or critical comment to me to somethign that has escalated out of all proportion.

I think that if/when you get into a meditation regime, you will start to recognize how things have been put together into your mind due to your earlier experiences. We all have "minor" flashbacks. In the east this is known as karma, and their meditational practices are a means to transcending karma and recognizing that each of us is a creator of our own universe. To be able to re-create our lives the way we want them, we first have to unravel the intricacies of our karma, in order to move on. Our past does not have to predict our future, and self-realization empowers our ability to create the future we wish to have. - Derek

There are a hundred reasons why not every response can be answered to, and the person needs to respect this and as you say cut a little slack, we all lead busy lives, things happen, we have families, children and especially in the Summer holidays when the children are off school, if we are feeling down ourselves and the list goes on, to actually say that people don't care is a harsh blanket statement and quite frankly they need to get to grip that if it was a perfect world everyone on Mylot would respect each other and answer every single response we got, but hey there are only 24 hours in a day and we don't sadly live in a perfect world, so get over it, that's life! Sometimes those that judge have no grounds and are covering up empty lives themselves, people in glasshouses and all that!

It's learning how to ignore that comment or shrug it off, rather than to accept it and dwell on it making us feel sad and then that comment controls us, we need to develop a thicker skin so that unwanted comments bounce off us!

I guess it depends on the comment, who it is from and what frame of mind you are in, I think I feel it more because this time of the year my mood is low as the heat gets to me, and depression is more prevalent so I tend to find insults and bad comments affect me greatly.

PMSL, you put a smile on my face because I just imagine blowing the bloked who had a go at me tonight a kiss, ignorant piece of X&&&*%% I guess as a lady you can get away with it.

ROFL I'd do it even if I had a willy. There's nothing I enjoy more than embarrassing those who have nothing better to do than to talk crap about me =)

I love your attitude and thanks a million for making me smile and cheering me up, what's more I was astounded that willy got through the Mylot spellchecker as being an acceptable word to use! Usually it says a particular word is violating Mylot WTG!!!!

It takes a lot of energy and negativity to be mad and cross with someone, but when they have made a nasty remark or comment about you it's very difficult to let it go over your head and forget about it, you get angry, frustrated and you want to punish them and this all takes energy and it can also be very tiring as well and you are giving the person who has done this control over your emotions.

For me, punishing those people who distroye dmy mood is easy. I give them this silence treatment!!! hi hi it is easier and requires less energy. Better still it gives you some me-time, good eh? hi hi. But I need a lot of coaxing to get into talking terms though hi hi

I tried that once my friend, tried to develop a 'couldn't give a damn' attitude but I couldn't carry it off, because sadly I do give a damn and I am sensitive and I do take things to heart, but I guess we look upon this as a negative aspect, whereas it can be an endearing and warm part of our personality which can attract others, providing they are not bullies and control freaks.

When you are disabled, people presume that you have lost all of your senses, and it's so damn patronizing too, so I hear you, if you are blind they think you are deaf too, if you are in a wheelchair they think you have no capabilities at all and speak to you as if you were stupid. Well tell take Stephen Hawkin one of the most intelligent men on this world, I say no more. Sorry to digress but that hit a nerve there. Sometimes the people we love and care for get the wrong end of our tongue when in actual fact it should be the people who have hurt us in the first place to get the anger!

And that alone is very comforting dear friend! I wonder sometimes if I should toughen up, but then that makes me 'not me' if that makes sense. I have tried to 'not give a damn' but it's so damn hard, because deep down I do care and I am soft, and I am easy going and placid, but they make me vulnerable and bullies like vulnerable people, it's a double edged sword do you be something you are not and don't like or do you be something that is open to abuse by others? It's between the devil and the deep blue sea. But knowing there are other people, other 'good' people who are like me is a comfort. Hugs x

Good point sis! Nightmares can kill the day and you just want to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow, because you know it sets a precedence for the whole day, it's ruined before you even get out of bed!

Exactly when you are behind a computer it is so easy to condemn and be rude to others and hide your true self. Thanks for your response and welcome to Mylot