How many times have you been in love?
By kitty42
@kitty42 (3923)
United States
August 22, 2009 7:37pm CST
I must admit at 42 I have been in love once, I was hurt in my 20's when I loved this man with all of my heart, that showed me to be careful with who I give my whole heart, I hear stories all the time woman going through heartache all the time, I say how does this happen, why do we love so deeply over/over, I don't know maybe it is just me, I have loved others, but I have not been in love with them, I feel we should only be hurt once, learn from that and be cautious with our heart from then on, when I say hurt I mean the hurt where the sun does not shine the same, where you cry so hard you fall asleep only to wake up crying again, the mere mention of his name etc etc lol
There maybe some people that have not been through this, for that I say I hope you never do.
do you find yourself falling in love over/over? how do you handle heartbreak?
If things do not work out with someone I will be hurt, but not the kind of hurt I went through in my 20"s
thanks for reading my thoughts, look forward to reading your responses, smoochesss too you all. 
1 person likes this
5 responses
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
23 Aug 09
For me, too, only once in my life thus far, Kitty. And then I found out over time this man was not the person I thought I knew, and I had to wonder...does it even count if I fell in love with an illusion?
So shoot, maybe not even once! But I do think one of our strongest longings in life if to love and be loved in return by a mate. I have seen it. I want it! LOL
Karen@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I know what you mean, I want it as well, really hard sometimes, I won't fall for anything I tell you that much, I see so many woman can't be without a man, get hurt move on to the next just to say they have a man, really silly IMO, nothing wrong with having fun, its the falling in love part that i don't get, I like getting to know me, sometimes we all need to do that, we learn things about ourself all the time, I know when it happens he will be one lucky guy let me tell ya 
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I am past willing to merely "settle." I loved living alone after a horrid marriage. It was the most freedom I had ever felt. I could be my most real self and not have to censor a thing.
I agree, that whoever gets you will be lucky :)
Karen
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
26 Aug 09
I believe that I have been in love only once in my life. Though if you had asked me when I was about 15/16 I would have said I had been in love dozens of times and given you a long list of names lol! In 2o04 though I was confronted by a new feeling, and a new level of maturity which caused me to think over everything and come to the conclusion that all the feeling I classed as 'love' before were actually either liking someone, or lusting after them. Only from the experience of 2004 did I get both feelings together and so classed it as love. The problem is I just happened to fall in love with someone who is completely unattainable, and who, if he was attainable, would be completely inappropriate for me, therefore I have also come to understand massive heartbreak and the pain of unrequited love. Not a great way to do things really but I guess at least I have the bonus of not showing my heart to someone and then having it broken, instead it is broken because I can't show it, though with my sensitive personality I believe that is best (no matter how hard it is). Since this is all still sort of new for me I haven't fully managed to deal with it yet, but I don't let it rule my life. I am just letting time put distance between the experiences so I can move on with my life and find that true love in the future (hopefully lol).
I hope that in the future you can find someone to love again (if that is what you want of course) and in the meantime, happy mylotting :)
Dranz
Dranz
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
26 Aug 09
Hi DCLehnsherr
Wow what a wonderful response, I agree with you so much, although pain put me in the frame of mind I am in, I like this place, I don't have to worry about my heart getting broke over/over, my feelings may be hurt but not my heart, oh how we think alike on the issue, its unfortunate that you had to walk away from someone you loved I know that must of been so hard 
it took me two years to get over my heart break and even then I am not sure I was completely over it, how old were you when you had to make such a difficult choice such as that? I don't know if I could have done that.
You know I watch so many woman give their heart away so easy,I share my experience with them but they don't seem to understand they put up with so much pain yet they stay in the relationship and still call it love, all I can say is thank you god I am the woman I am, you should feel the same.
Do not change your beliefs you are on the right track we all should be careful with our hearts, thanks for sharing this, nice to know I am not the only one that see things this way, it may be lonely at times but in the long run we will give our hearts to someone that truly deserve it I am sure of it.
Wow what a wonderful response, I agree with you so much, although pain put me in the frame of mind I am in, I like this place, I don't have to worry about my heart getting broke over/over, my feelings may be hurt but not my heart, oh how we think alike on the issue, its unfortunate that you had to walk away from someone you loved I know that must of been so hard it took me two years to get over my heart break and even then I am not sure I was completely over it, how old were you when you had to make such a difficult choice such as that? I don't know if I could have done that.
You know I watch so many woman give their heart away so easy,I share my experience with them but they don't seem to understand they put up with so much pain yet they stay in the relationship and still call it love, all I can say is thank you god I am the woman I am, you should feel the same.
Do not change your beliefs you are on the right track we all should be careful with our hearts, thanks for sharing this, nice to know I am not the only one that see things this way, it may be lonely at times but in the long run we will give our hearts to someone that truly deserve it I am sure of it. @kitty42 (3923)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hello my friend
It was really hard for me it was only after I got involved with someone else did it help me to get over it, for most of the two years we would talk and see other so that did not help, but when I decided enough was enough I met someone and that was it as far as talking to each other and him coming over whenever he felt like it, I must say the other relationship helped a lot, you know its really hard to get over heart break, I do believe time heals all wounds ( all or old) hmmm, anyway the distraction of someone else helps a lot as well, gives us something else to focus on, someone to spend time with, get to know, did it get me over him "no" but it helped me to stay away so in "time" I was able to get over him. so you see we need both, time/company lol
You are smart you knew enough to know what was best for you some people can't do that, its hard to walk away from love.I think you may need the distraction now then again how long has this been?, hopefully the right man will come along soon, that will help but you wont forget, it will feel a lot better after a time, its funny because it has been years and this is the only relationship I can refer to when it comes to my heart/love I just refused to give that much of myself to anyone unless I was sure, the pain is too much I rather protect my heart then go through that again,we can continue anytime you like as for now since you wont see this till tomorrow I will stop this is depressing me right now lol
It was really hard for me it was only after I got involved with someone else did it help me to get over it, for most of the two years we would talk and see other so that did not help, but when I decided enough was enough I met someone and that was it as far as talking to each other and him coming over whenever he felt like it, I must say the other relationship helped a lot, you know its really hard to get over heart break, I do believe time heals all wounds ( all or old) hmmm, anyway the distraction of someone else helps a lot as well, gives us something else to focus on, someone to spend time with, get to know, did it get me over him "no" but it helped me to stay away so in "time" I was able to get over him. so you see we need both, time/company lol
You are smart you knew enough to know what was best for you some people can't do that, its hard to walk away from love.I think you may need the distraction now then again how long has this been?, hopefully the right man will come along soon, that will help but you wont forget, it will feel a lot better after a time, its funny because it has been years and this is the only relationship I can refer to when it comes to my heart/love I just refused to give that much of myself to anyone unless I was sure, the pain is too much I rather protect my heart then go through that again,we can continue anytime you like as for now since you wont see this till tomorrow I will stop this is depressing me right now lol@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
26 Aug 09
I am terrible remembering how old I was when this started ~ Thinks ~ I was about 16 when I first met the guy, I knew I was in love by 17 (I didn't decide right away because the feelings were so different from what happened before), but it is more recently that I figured loving him was causing me too much pain and that I would have to find a way to try and stop loving him. I am at that stage now with my heart pining for him, and me telling it to stop because it can't go any further with things. I guess I am now trying to work out how to begin the 2 year recovery thing. The closest I have got is thinking about it, but I also tend to dwell on what I have lost and can't have now (marriage and children) and so have to work all that out and then move on. I don't regret it though, in a way I feel I have learnt a lot and that that is why I met him in the first place. I just hope that the second time is much more successful lol
How was the recovery phase for you? Like do you have any advice of how to manage to pain and move on? Or is it really just a time thing, waiting it out until the heart can forget?
Thank you for the lovely reply (and for accepting the friend request :D )
Dranz
@shibham (16977)
• India
23 Aug 09
hi kitty. 7 times but all are unsuccessful. now i am happy enough without a girl friend. i don't think that it is essential to love someone in life. we love rose but there are thorns too. so i never try to pick up the rose bcoz now i am going to be afraid of thorns. lol
@preema723 (117)
• United States
23 Aug 09
I have experienced being in love one time in my life and I am thankful to still be very in love. I think the only thing that has changed over time is that my relationship with my husband has evolved and has grown. We have faced many challenges together and while our relationship has had to change, I think it is for the better. Don't get me wrong, there are frustrations, but deep down, I can't imagine being with anyone else.
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
23 Aug 09
good for you, if only I could have been so lucky, I love that no matter what happens or what the two of you go through you do it together, and that is what matters, when people disagree all the time, and no one wants to just step back and say you know what, lets try it your way, it is hard to make things work, I was so young when I feel in love I know I was not ready, so I have no regrets,now I am comfortable with the woman I am, I know me, and I know what I can take and what I can"t, right now in my life I enjoy getting to know me, I am learning a lot about my self, I wish you all the best.
At 42 I think I know all that I need to know, so he needs to come on already lol no seriously,wait I am serious it is about time .
thanks for responding have a good evening.
thanks for responding have a good evening.
