Is anyone here on the autism spectum? Or have a child who is? Want to share?
By Nikigirl613
@Nikigirl613 (131)
United States
August 25, 2009 12:37pm CST
Hello,
I have a soon to be 6 year old son who has autism. He has made absolutely fantastic progress over the past 4 years, and he is doing wonderful. He had early intervention at the house for for about 7 months until he turned 3, and since then he is in the autism class at school. He didn't start speaking until he was 3. I feel that thanks to the wonderful teachers that he has had and how closely we work together he is really thriving. He is very smart, and right now, he is starting to learn to recognize feelings in himself and be able to verbalize before he has a problem that he needs to chew gum, or go into a work station to work alone and calm down, or he needs something to happen right away but can tall me why, not just throw a "tantrum" for lack of a better term. He really is amazing. He loves other kids, he wants to socialize, he just doesn't always do things appropriately, but that is what we are working on now. He mainstreams for his specials, and some days that works well, and some days not so much. He especially dislikes art - he loves to draw and make little projects, he just doesn't like to be told how to do it, lol. Music he loves, and of course computer, and library - he reads very well. Right now is a tough stage because he is truly understanding so many things now, not just going through the motions, and yet there are still other things that he doesn't get, and it is sometimes hard to know when he should know, and when he truly needs help. This will pass I know, because I have seen the pattern in his development before. I want to know if there are others here with autistic children - what do you go through - what are things like - as wonderful as my son is, the behavior issues we do have can be pretty bad sometimes. He does go through periods where the frustrations get taken out on me physically, which is rough, but we deal. I tell you this because I don't want to give the misconception that our lives are all peaches and roses - far from it. But rewarding and satisfying - absolutely. Also, I'd like to know if anyone here has autism. What kind of insight can you give into the minds of people with autism. What can you tell us that is something you wish you were able to convey when you were a child that could help parents of autistic children now?
4 responses
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
25 Aug 09
My daughter was diagnosed when she was seven. She had already been diagnosed with ADHD. With the autism also came generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and a laundry list of other issues.
She said her first words at six months old. Her sister's name and the word "cookie". I thought she was brilliant. I mean how many six month old babies can not only say words, but also two syllables? One day she just stopped talking.
Now, she's 21. We still deal with issues and while she has come miles from where we started, there's much farther to go. At this stage she and I can sit and have a conversation, which hasn't always been possible. We can share ideas and thoughts, find a common bond.
I tried to connect with other parents of autistic children. They tended to be more depressing than not and I found I would rather laugh than cry. The struggle has been hard but she is a wonderful person and worth every moment.
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Hi, irishidid. I'm sorry I don't ever think I asked you this. At what age level is your 21 year old mentally? Is she still developing? I am only asking because my four year old still hasn't made as much progress as I had hoped. LOL Do they ever? My cousins little boy is also autistic and she called me the other day saying her son would never be able to go to college. She was very upset over this. He may not have wanted to, even if he was able to go to college. LOL You just have to know them. LOL I had the same experience with my son as an infant. Six months old he said "wiggles" at nine months he said "Spencer". I thought I'ld have a college graduate on my hands at five years old. Instead, I'm just doing good to keep him dressed. LOL
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
26 Aug 09
It depends on what's going on around her, but usually about the 12 year old stage. Sometimes younger.
It took a long, long time so you have to be patient. The milestones seem to come much later and even the things they may do early don't register with them as being something significant. Leah literally did flips in the cradle, but she didn't climb until her younger brother did.
She gets flustered and frustrated easily, with the smallest request sending her over the edge. We recently dealt with a setback. She was supposed to start school for professional cooking classes and they failed to get her in the class. This was after she already quit her job to attend school. I was pissed, but she seemed to handle it better than I thought she would.
Just keep doing what you're doing. You know as well as I do pushing them doesn't result in the outcome you want. Let me see how other kids act and do. They pick up on it eventually.
I didn't have any guidance as far as her maturing went. Much of what I did was trial and error. Sometimes you just do the best you can.
@Nikigirl613 (131)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I don't think anyone knows better than the parent of an autistic child how the tiniest thing can be the absolute biggest accomplishment/breakthrough. My son didn't lose his words, he never spoke. He seemed to develop just fine until the age of 1, and then things just stayed the same. Only so much babble, but usually more in the form of grunting or yelling. No ability to tell me if he was hungry or thirsty until after we started with early intervention when he was 2 1/2. He was just like a baby on a schedule. My son is VERY sensitive to smell and texture, so eating is tough with him, but this year he started making some breakthroughs which have been fantastic. One of the boys in his class he has been in school with for 3 years, and he has a difficult time with speech, but over the years I have watched him improve dramatically. He now will say hello to me and act more like he remembers who I am when I see him, but he is not very social, yet. I think for some it just takes a bit longer. Sometimes, you struggle with something for so long, and then one day - it happens. Just continue to be patient mommaj, it will happen in its own time. I know its easier to say than to do, but I have been there...
To irishidid (i love your name) that is so wonderful to hear about your daughters progress. I remember times with my son when his speech was more scripted and echolalic, it's like things happen and you get this glimpse into who your child really is, and it feels so good, and it becomes what you strive to bring out. When you can finally actually have a meaningful conversation it is indescribable - even more so for someone like yourself who has been going through this much longer. It is also fantastic to know that your daughter has a job and is interested in school for cooking - it sounds like she is really on a good path. It's thanks to the tireless work of parents and educators always trying to make sure that they grow up to be the best they can be!
Thank you both for your comments!
@lborja (2)
• Philippines
26 Aug 09
hi. i dont have any child or relative who has autism but a very good friend of mine has. i have seen how she and her husband reacted when they first learned that his eldest son is autistic after going through a lot of tests due to some manifestations in his behaviour that worry them as parents. at first both were in a denial stage. of course. it was understandable. it was even harder when some people around them do not understand what they were going through. but because they love their son so much, they started to accept it and embrace their son's condition. it was also at the time that they found some friends (like me)who expressed their willingness to journey with them. so for me, acceptance is very important and patience. i have seen her son's tantrums although he is really an intelligent as per assessment of his teachers at a special school. i always admire parents with autistic kids who accept and love their children unconditionally although i know, it is not always easy for parents. and that's when you need a support system especially among parents who have the same situation so have people to share with and who will understand you. wish i can tell all parents of autistic children that hey, you are doing a great job and i salute you.
@Nikigirl613 (131)
• United States
26 Aug 09
Thank you so much! It's funny, I just read an article on a study that was done to determine whether or not the mother of an autistic child has more stress than the parent of a "neuro-typical" child. Surprise surprise, the answer was yes. And while I absolutely agree with this, although I'm not sure that the parent of an autistic child would be any more stressed than the parent of a child with any type of special needs, I found it to be funny because having an autistic child certainly teaches you to be patient, calm and soothing in the face of stress and craziness, speak with calmness when you kind of want to flip out, etc. I guess we bottle it up a bit maybe - idk, but I'm a single mother, so I thank heaven for my family and close friends who have definitely been my support system over these last 6 years and counting, and for the friends I have made/people I have met in the school system - other parents and teachers and aides. It's nice to be with a group of people who just get it. No explanations necessary - they just get it, lol. I think it is absolutely fantastic that you are so supportive of your friends, and that you are taking the opportunity to learn, not just go like, oh that's so sad for them. You are a truly wonderful friend!
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
26 Aug 09
My son was talking more then just a few words at 10-15 months & then just stopped after that 15 month mark. I remember my sister even telling me "wow, he is a little talker!"
Now he is 3. He was diagnosed with Autism at 27 months. He will be 4 soon. Still doesn't talk, he does more of a humming sound now. I can understand him, but most can't.
Right now we have problems with him not being able to understand verbal commands, plus he doesn't recognize his name, no eye contact & so on, but he is a smart kid & I see him learning something new every day.
Our son was also with the Early Intervention Program & then once he turned 3, he moved to the Elementry School that has a class to help children like him & many others. He is doing good. He is actually humming his numbers right now.. :D
He does have sensory problems that can cause melt downs,but other then that he is a loveable kid who actually doesn't have a drop of meanness in him. Most people hear Autism & then ask... "Oh, does he hit & have fits?"
Umm... no, he is like any other child his age when it comes to having little fits.
Wish people would understand that not one Autistic child/adult is the same. We are all different.
Good luck.
By the way, how old was your son when he started talking?
@Nikigirl613 (131)
• United States
26 Aug 09
He was almost 3 - he took to his tutor very quickly. The first day she was at the house he looked at us like someone understands what's happening here! From there it was tough to get going, but once he got down the first sign and started to realize that he could make things happen by signing, and then speaking, he just went from there.
I know what you mean about people not getting it. My favorite is when people say to me "No, he has autism? But he's so cute" - because apparently you can't have any problems if you don't show them outwardly? I don't get that. We just need to keep educating others (while educating our children, families, and ourselves, lol) one person at a time. Where I live the statistic is 1 in 94 children born with autism. People need to be aware and understanding, otherwise things will go downhill real fast...
@bziebarth (228)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I do not personally have Autism, however, I am an Adult with severe ADHD. Some of the habits your son is showing is close to what I experience. My wife also works with Adult with Autism. She is a house mother at a group home. Here are some thoughts from my wife's experiences and my own life.
Your son seems very high functioning. He is able to verbalize, learn, and does well in school. From your description, he is completely able of living a normal life. I say this because it is very important for you and him to know. A large amount of success is what you believe. If he believes that he is different and "less" than other people then he will act that way. If he believes that he is just as capable as other people, he just has to do it in different ways, then he will.
Often, Autism comes with routines. I have seen parents that are annoyed by their child's unusual routines (i.e. wiping hands multiple times or turning the water on, going to the bathroom, then brushing teeth with the water). They are afraid these routines will make them seem different. Routines help him cope. Routines help people with Autism seem safe. If the routine does not hurt himself or anyone then what is the problem.
Network with families and people that are successful with Autism. Social networking sites are popping up everyday. There is one for Autism. These sites allow you to network with people who are having success. They can provide great insights and ideas. Just be careful to steer clear of the people who just want to throw a pity party.
These are just a quick couple of ideas. I will post more when I get a chance.
@Nikigirl613 (131)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I completely agree with you. He is very high functioning, and I'm very thankful for that. Only time will tell, but I do hope is is able to function independently as an adult. I try to do everything I can to help him to be the best that he can be. He is doing very well, and we are learning together every day. I also completely agree about the routines and behaviors. I understand the need to block excessive input with some type of output. As long as he doesn't hurt anyone, I have no issue with that. I'm very happy that he is learning to identify these feelings and what helps him through these times. I think that is a major step. I in turn am really keying in to him better and we are able to head some things off, or be ready for something that may happen. I just worry that they are going to try to push him into mainstreamed classes before he is truly ready because he is so high functioning and smart. I refuse to have my son be uncomfortable, or being made fun of by children who don't understand, treated badly by a teacher who doesn't understand, etc. There is so much to be said for pushing yourself, and there being thrown into the shark tank so to speak. It's hard, but we have made it this far and done really well in my opinion, so I know we will make it through just fine. I really appreciate your comment and look forward to hearing more from you. Thank you so much!
