How much is TOO much??
By fruitcakeliz
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
United States
August 25, 2009 5:19pm CST
Something got me thinking the other day. I was sitting in the breakroom at work and two girls (one who JSUT got married, and one who is putting the final touches on her wedding plans) we talking about how much everything cost/was going to cost them. I couldn't BELIEVE the total costs they tossed out there, and neither of them with even seeming to blink an eye about them! We are talking more money that i make in an entire YEAR being spent on this one day.
I know that just about every little girl grows up thinking about her dream wedding when she gets older, but really...is spending tens of thousands of dollars needed? I mean, dresses and tuxes and hall rentals and food and photographers, and limos and flowers and decorations and ..and..and...and...
I think i had a very beautiful wedding when i got married to my ex-husband, and i would have to say that we probably didn't spend more than $500 all totaled. Granted we got lucky on an aspect or two, his family owned a beautiful home on a lake near by, with a nice big patio area that over looked the lake, and that is where we held it,so we didn't have any hall or church rental fees...here are some other way we saved money..
~my dress wasn't a "traditional" wedding dress, it was a white sleeveless dress with flowers embroidered on it in silver that i found at a fashion bug store for $50, add to that a pair of shoes and some other accessories, and my entire outfit cost around $100
~My ex rented his tux for $70, but his groomsmen just wore nice, khaki pants with button shirts and ties
~My bridesmaids/flower girls weren't in matching dresses (i know..OMG, how could i do it?) I didn't have specific colors, we just went for pretty pastels. The two flower girls wore matching purple sundresses, and my bridesmaids each wore a nice, pretty dress, one in blue, one in pink....so they didn't match....they still looked great together, and they were all dresses they could definately use over and over and over again!
~My mother-in-law did all of the floral arrangments, in silk flowers, so we could make them up in advance, and they lasted forever..
~instead of rose petals for the flower girls to toss, we went out in the morning before my wedding and picked tons of wild flowers (blacked eyed susans, daisys etc..) and just plucked the whole heads off, and tossed them instead, looks very nice..
~my cake was made as a wedding gift for us from my husbands best friends mother. She does catering and cake decorating as a side job
~We did a pot-luck dinner for reception. Everyone brought a dish...we supplied drinks and a few of those huge, party sized trays of lasagna that you can buy frozen at bj's, and garlic bread
~i designed and printed all my own invites and programs on the computer, and also made hundreds of cute little tags with mine and his name, and the date that were then attatched to mini bottles of bubbles and little sachets of potpourri that i also made..we then decorated the patio area with streamers and ribbons, and got a BUNCH of small tiki torches at a dollar store and lined the entire area with them...looked wonderful AND the citronella torch oil kept the bugs at bay
~we were able to borrow chairs and tables froma local church, a friend with an awesome sound systems did music for the reception...and i am sure there is more, but the wedding went off without a hitch....and a great time was had by all without me stressing about how much it was going to cost and i was actually able to ENJOY my wedding.
How about you? was a ton of money spent on your wedding? or are you planning on having to take out a loan to pay for one in your future? Any other mony saving ideas to pass on to those readers who might be planning one in the future?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 09
hi fruitcakeliz wow you had a very lovely wedding and didnt'sp
spend the cost of a down paymenton a home for it either. just'goes
to show what a little ingenuity can do.Whatis so sad is to see
these couples spending a fortune on a wedding and in less than
a year they have split and remarried. that gets to me. I was'married to the same man for 43 years and our wedding was verysimple.altogether it didnt cost more than 200 dollars yet'we
had a great marriage and I have one wonderful son.I am a widow'now.
2 people like this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
i am sorry to hear about the passing of your husband...but am happy to hear that your marrige was a long and happy one. Unfortunately my ex and i spluit after a couple of years, but we got married young, and realized too late that we wanted differnt things out of life..oh well, as my favorite singer alanis says "you live, you learn"
And you are again proof that you don't have to spend a ton of mony to live happy and love well. Thanks for sharing!
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
26 Aug 09
HEck NO! I borrowed wedding dress from a cousin.
groom wore what ever he had I cant really remeber this was to x.
and we had the wedding in my back yard with Music I went to the liabray and picked out .
No eats
I really rmember no reception for all us kids went to Lagoon a big place like six flags.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I think I saw it not sure my daughter puts movies on I watch lol.
But to spen thousands of Dollars on a wedding dress I dont see it what so ever.
Ya could use some of that for down payment on a house or aprt. and things ya need ya didnt get at the shower
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
that sounds like fun...pure and simple..which a wedding should be! I hate seeing these brides who are so stressed out about the day going perfect that they turn into these psychos....like on the show "Bridezillas", have ou ever seen this one? It seems like they coule really care less about the seriousness of the vows they are about to take, as long as they, evryone in their wedding party, and the decorations look PERFECT!!
@dreamr802 (985)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I personally want a big wedding. I've always wanted a big church wedding and a gorgeous wedding dress and whatnot...but I do plan on making a bunch of stuff. I want to make my own center pieces, favors and invitations so that will end up saving a lot of money in the end. I know that my parents will probably help out with the cost of our wedding but if not I don't know what our budget would be. I know my cousin's wedding cost around $15,000...mine will probably be right around there only because we have such a huge family and there would be a lot guests.
1 person likes this
@dreamr802 (985)
• United States
26 Aug 09
And it's a good thing that my parents are very traditional so they will probably pay for most if not all the wedding...and the making things like the center pieces and favors and whatnot would make the wedding more catered to my boyfriend and I because I am such a huge craft person. I just don't want to be swimming in debt for a wedding, so we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I'm just never good at staying with budgets lol.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
Well, it is good that you are already thinking about what you can do to help reduce some of the costs! And setting a budget, even if you are having a big wedding, is important, otherwise things can just start spiraling out of control and before you know it you are swimming in a huge debt!
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
26 Aug 09
It can get SO ridiculous. It almost seems like people who are so concerned with having the biggest, grandest wedding are the ones who are the least concerned with their actual relationship sometimes. Tens of thousands of dollars and how many of them end in divorce? I know a few different girls who had the huge weddings and one of them had an affair not even two months after and a few were divorced within a year or two. So it really proves that the fancy wedding means nothing. I like the idea of your wedding. And not only because of the realistic cost but because it seemed to bring friends and family together to help out and be a part of it, I think that's great.
We went away. We took a 7 day holiday with a few friends and had a blast. During those 7 days we popped into a cute little chapel and 15 minutes later we were man and wife. All in all the whole vacation came in at less than $5000 which is pretty good for a wedding/honeymoon/vacation combo I think. It was prefect for us, maybe not for everybody, and I don't regret a thing.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
27 Aug 09
that sounds really cool. Keep the formalities to a minuimum and just have a great time! It is great that some of your friends were able to go with you.
And i feel the same. I attended a wedding this summer, and to tell you the truth, the bride was SO concerned with everyhting going off with out a hitch, i don'thtink she even cared that is was a wedding..just that is was perfect. Even when she recited her vows, it sounded fake, like she was reciting lines clearly and succinctly so the vido camera could easily hear her, it didn't sound at all like she meant was she was saying.
Another friend of mine commented...."It was her perfect wedding, the perfect dress, the perfect reception, the perfect food...and the groom was just a guy who was the perfect size to fit in the tux".....i laughed, even though the groom is my friend..it just seemed so true.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
27 Aug 09
I know, it's almost like if they put a stand in for the real groom in his place would she even notice?
The last wedding I went to was a big one and at the end when everyone left the church and had to go past the 'receiving line' (or whatever it's called) to give their well wishes I was blown away by how damn exhausted the bride looked. She looked beautiful in her dress, hair and makeup but you could still see that she was ready for bed - at 4:30 in the afternoon! No thanks, not for me!
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
26 Aug 09
What a great question. For us, too much would have been not having enough money to have paid every aspect of our wedding before the big day. All said, I believe our wedding cost us about $2500 and it was a beautiful church wedding.
We hired a local DJ in for the entertainment (150), and the gym turned reception hall only cost us 300 dollars.
My dress was bought at a discount bridal store (219) and my husband's tux rental was free when the groomsmen rented their tuxes. The bridesmaids each bought their own dresses, matching only in color choices (black and platinum). The photographer was a friend of ours taking the pictures for us with our own camera. The cake was made by a friend of my MIL for only $1 per serving. We had silk flowers done for us at an outlet center, and they were absolutely beautiful. We made all of the decorations ourselves. We wanted to have a perfect day but we wanted to do it in a budget friendly way.
Therefore, when we got home from our honeymoon, we didn't have any wedding expenses lingering over our heads.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
it sounds like it turned out beautifuly! So many budget savy peoplehere on mylot...i am glad to see i am not the only one out there who was able to have a gorgeous wedding, with out breaking the bank and causing a lot of financial hardships for the future!
Where did you go for your honey moon? My husband and i never really had one..well...he rented a nice suit in a near by hotel for a couple of nights, and enjoyed being away from it all for a couple days, but it was right in town, and we actually invited friends over to party with us *lol*
@vandana7 (100288)
• India
26 Aug 09
Spending too much money on wedding simply doesnt make any sense. Every bit of that money is earned with hard toil. Surely, that needs to be remembered before spending it recklessly. It is called consideration and love for the person who earned that money. Moreover, larger the gathering, more time is spent on introducing, smiling, and all those courtesies. Which means, the special day does not remain special, it becomes artificial day! Not logical calling people all the way for food, does it? I can understand if rich are doing it. They combine business with pleasure. They get acquainted with many and renew contacts with many,in process they expand their business. At such times weddings and ostentatious functions serve as public relation efforts as well. Other than that, I dont really think it makes sense. And we should remember, with all that beauty and grandeur, Princess Di and Prince Charles eventually divorced. So spending lavishly doesnt guarantee that the wedding will last. And any argument that it is once in a lifetime occassion should die under argument.
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
so true....i have seen people get so wrapped up in their elaborate wedding plans that they forget the important thing..having fun and celebrating with friends. Running round like a chicken with your head cut off on your special day does NOT make it enjoyable..it makes it hectic and it makes you just wish it was all over!!
@GardenGerty (160665)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I did the food for my daughter's wedding, we sewed her dress and the flower girldress. Bought fabric and all the bridesmaids made their own. Our church was not rented we attend. A friend sang, and made the cake. One former professor perfomed the ceremony, the other did the music. I had seed a room on a magazine called cottage chic, and it involved layering floral fabric and table cloths or old sheets. Pretty. We made fourteen six foot tall candle holders out of wood. My soon to be daughter in law was a florist and she did all the bouquets and got the fabric at cost.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
Isn;t it great when you have so many resources just in the people you know, and they are all willing to help and add what they can to make that special day the most special it can be? It sounds like it turned ot beutifully!!
@AmbiePam (92764)
• United States
25 Aug 09
How much is too much? I definitely think if you don't have enough money to pay off all your wedding expensses at least three months after the wedding, one has spent too much. But that's my own opinion. I'm not married. If I get married, I'm not going all out. I'm just not that kind of girl. I never dreamed of my wedding when I was a kid. But my sister did. And when she got married three years ago - she spent a lot. My parents gave her a certain amount (it was more than I would need for what I think I'll end up doing if I get married), and they said that was all they could contribute (which it definitely was). They gave her enough for a very nice wedding. But so you get an idea about how big her wedding was, she had seven bridesmaids and seven groomsmen...She and her new husband paid for the rest of it. And they paid it all off a year after the wedding itself. I guess it's just good they were able to stop making any more credit card payments for it.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I like your initial statement..that if you can't pay off the expenses after three months, you have probably spent too much. And i also understand that many peoples families help them out (generally the brides family..as it is tradition) and this can help out a bit, if they are able to contribute.
I like you, never really dreamed of my wedding....maybe that is why i was so satisfied with the one i had. It was a blast, and you can ask many of the people who attented, they all had a great time, and loved that fact that it wasn't overshadowed by all the "formalities" that many weddings are now.
IF i ever get married again..(and that is a big IF....if mylot would let me change the font size, i would show you how big!!) it will be an even smaller affair....really a wedding should be nothing more than freidns and family gathering to bestow good wishes and show their support for the new couple...and you can do that with a good old fashioned cookout in the back yard!!
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
2 Sep 09
Wow. I would never spend that much on a wedding and go in debt for one that much either. I would have it if I could pay cash for it and not be in a financial bind though. I know people want it to be special but it should not cost an arm and a leg for it either.
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
26 Aug 09
I don't know exactly how much I spent. My dress was custom made but, from a company that was overseas, I had to be fitted here in the US and email them the sizes on an excel spreadsheet it was $100 plus $25 shipping LOL I made all of the food for 300 people my aunt went from the church to set up all the food while we did pictures. The guy that took the pictures was a photographer but somehow related to me and he developed all the pictures and didn't charge me but, I gave him a $200 tip. My other aunt made all of our flowers, I spent $60 on the flowers (they were 1/2 off on clearance and I had a coupon LOL). My husband's tux was free since the "party" had rented over 5 tux'). Our cake was made by our friend's grandmother, she's a cake decorater and the supplies were $70 to make it. I made our invitations and even printed them at work lol My aunt made the programs. Our biggest expense was the DJ and she was a friend and only charged $600 the hall was $500 and that's it, I think.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
wow...that is quite a deal on a custom made dress! guess it pays to do some shopping around and look for businesses out of the country...i would think with shipping costs that it would be more expensive, but you proved me wrong!
Even with what you did pay, you are still a far cry from the tens of thousands i hear about soem people spending on their special days, and it sounds like you had a wonderful one at that!
@marcosdamata (83)
• Brazil
26 Aug 09
This is one of the reasons that weddings are overrated. My girlfriend and I agreed not to have that big party where everything is just so expensive and it's not always that much fun. We chose to take a trip to Ireland instead, make it our private party, where we'll celebrate our union without churchs or priests or expensive dresses. Just the two of us, together, is perfect.
1 person likes this
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
That sibds like an awesome idea, drop some of the money you would put towards a big wedding for a dream vacation for the two of you that you will never forget!
Just a suggestion though, when you get back, you should have SOME sort of get together for your close family and friends, as they will want to be able to congratulate you and show their support of your union! It wouldn't even have to be anything big...just a get together for drinks and snacks in someones back yard or something....i am sure they would appreciate it ( i know i have in the cases where friends have eloped and gotten married with no notice...i still wanted to be able to celebrate with them!)
@fruitcakeliz (2639)
• United States
26 Aug 09
yes, putting ones self under that kind of stress, either financially or physicly can have some serious drawbacks!!
