Have you ever not commented on someones response because it didn't feel right?
By DCLehnsherr
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
August 26, 2009 1:49pm CST
There has been a spate of discussions centred around commenting on responses, and through reading and replying to those I have been left a touch confused, hence the creation of this to try and clarify something for myself :)
So then to business: I have gathered that one of the things people feel compelled to do, perhaps because you get rewards for doing so, is to comment on people's discussions. Now this might just be because of the way I am made up, but when I respond to someone I want it to be meaningful, so that if they look in their inbox at the message that says I commented on their response, they know it will be good and can maybe respond back, or just smile and be happy. But a lot of the time when I have looked at those messages 'you have a comment' messages I have seen a comment that just thanks me, without saying anything else. Now I am not slagging those people off, honest to God I wouldn't do that because it is nice to get those messages, but on a personal level I just can't do that. It just doesn't feel right to me somehow. You know in the way someone with OCD thinks straight pictures feel right and crooked ones don't, I feel bad about commenting for no reason, as though I will let someone down!
On another side as well there have been times when just thanking someone wouldn't have been right, but saying something more also felt wrong because what was shared was so personal that I thought I risked being offensive by saying anything back and probing more deeply (which is what I really wanted to do), and so I chose silence to be safe. Would you just comment back to those things anyway, or do you sometimes have to leave responses uncommented on because you didn't know the right thing to say?
So anyway, what I really want to know from this is whether I am alone in the way I do about commenting, and is it wrong to do things in this way?
Thank you for your responses, and I hope that through this I haven't annoyed anyone. Just so you know, even if I don't comment on you I value what you have said, it will just be that I couldn't add anything :)
Happy mylotting,
Dranz
7 people like this
14 responses
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Aug 09
I almost always comment back on everything, but once in a while I get a response that is so obviously off topic or confusing that I don't know what to say. On the off topic ones, I sometimes respond back that I don't think they quite understood what I was saying. And on the confusing ones, I sometimes ask what they mean. But not always.
3 people like this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
26 Aug 09
That sounds like a very smart way to do things actually, though I would worry about offending the off topic ones lol. I tend to go off topic at times mostly because of my terrible concentration span, but I think I have caught myself and commented on my response with the right answers lol. If it happens in future though know that it wasn't intentional, that counts for any future incidents of confusing you as well lol!
Thanks for your response :)
Dranz
2 people like this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
27 Aug 09
Wow I completely missed that part of the FAQ as well, I am going to really have to go back and read those again! That is good to know though, I might just start asking more questions in comments now, especially the confusing ones lol
First thing in the morning and I have already learnt something, amazing lol!
Dranz
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
27 Aug 09
Hi DC, well I always comment back unless I see something that is a waste of space written there, which I think has happened maybe three times. Also I refused to give the satisfaction of responding to a troll the other day who had gone to the effort of opening an account to make just one and only post, a risable comment on one of my discussions. So I blatantly ignored it rather than respond in anyway.
I always find something to say back though without any effort. I had a strange one today though, one of my first discussions resurfaced which asked a simple question, someone went in and replied 'no I don't do that'. I mean I had to say it left me baffled, who would waste their time to open a discussion and type that, so just to wake them up a bit I responded with a nice four line answer, so it proves it can always be done. If I received the inane comment 'thank you' I would not respond to that persons discussions again.
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
27 Aug 09
This makes perfect sense thea09 and I could see why you wouldn't want to respond when a comment comes to you that only says "thank you" it's clear that the person didn't want to have a discussion with you. I don't know why they would waste time either other than perhaps it's a new mylotter that may not know all of the rules. I have to admit, it takes a while to be able to navigate this site so patience is probably the best key in this particular case. Take care and have a nice day.
Please add me as a friend if you think that my comment has been helpful or meaningful. Have a great day, happy mylot
.
.1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
28 Aug 09
DC, if you're in the mood you can comment back on anything, no matter how inanane. I caught myslef the other day responding to a one liner with a one liner, and realised this really isn't good enough, if they've bothered to respond then they deserve a nice long comment back, doesn't need to be about the subject either, just type any old twaddle. Presumabely they will then wonder what caused this if they bother to open the comment box and might think twice next time.
1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
28 Aug 09
Wow I would never have thoughts there would be people out there who would just join to comment nastily on someone's discussion, how bizarre! It is good to know you didn't rise to the bait and I hope it doesn't happen again. Are the trolls a common thing around mylot?
As for the short answers I don't tend to see the point in those either which is why I sometimes find commenting back difficult to do as I like to be able to leave long answers, and if I can't I tend to wonder if the responder would want a comment back at all, though from reading the responses here it sounds like saying something is a good course of action.
Many thanks for your response :)
Dranz
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
31 Aug 09
I completely understand what you are saying. 'Go with the flow' is what you should do and DON'T be anxious that you are not doing things right or, even, that you might hurt anyone.
Just saying 'Thank you for your response' may be needed, sometimes (even though it doesn't earn anything (FCS! ... which of us who care about 'discussion' are in the least concerned about whether something we type earns us cents in MyLot terms?). Often it is best top leave something uncommented, even if our mind is going twenty to the dozen! At other times, what we SHOULD say is so apparent that it seems to pour from the keyboard without even needing to think about it.
I often hesitate and re-read what I have written before pressing 'post response'. Just the fact that I have hesitated signals to me that all may not be right with it (at the very least, spelling or grammar or clarity!). Occasionally I may have written several paragraphs (and spent 10 or 15 mins) and something niggles me (I may not know what) and I decide not to post it after all ... wisdom gone to waste? Nah!!!! Wisdom said 'Nope, not that!'
Yes, it is good, if you can, to comment on responses. In the first place, that is what makes a discussion different from a 'question & answer' session. Secondly, (in MyLot) it does earn a cent or two ... but who cares about that, hey?
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
31 Aug 09
"Often it is best top leave something uncommented ..."
Except, for us pedants who immolate ourselves when we type 'top' instead of 'to'!
I KNOW you understood and skimmed over my typo but, even so, I HAD to point it out! Now, is that a worthwhile comment or not?
1 person likes this
@mamacathie (3928)
• United States
26 Aug 09
If I do not feel comfortable commenting or do not have anything I feel worthy of commenting I will not comment on a discussion. Some of the discussions are "way over my head" so to speak and I don't feel like I can contribute one iota to them so I do not see any reason to make a comment.
but on the other hand, if I see those that I feel I can contribute,or help the one that started the discussion, I will comment in a heart beat. I don't mind commenting.
God bless you!
2 people like this
@yparson (581)
• United States
26 Aug 09
You don't have to comment or reply to every discussion. As a matter-of-fact, I kinda remember reading it somewhere in mylot do's and don't. Mylot is a discussion site, so have at it or not. I myself like to read the replies for some feedback to some of the discussions in mylot. Some discussions and replies you just want to respond to because it grab your attention to reply.
2 people like this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
26 Aug 09
That rings a bell with me as well, the list mentions something about it not getting your extra points and stuff for the mere act of commenting on a response doesn't it? I am starting to think I will have to print that list out to try and remember them all! I am glad that I am not the only one that doesn't reply to all things, or feel a person has to.
Many thanks for your reply, and in particular for also seeing that mention on the list of don'ts lol!
Happy mylotting,
Dranz :)
2 people like this
@justbeingtiffany (1156)
• United States
26 Aug 09
yes i have no commented on something because it didn't feel right. for example when i read a discussion i think is gonna get deleted or is offensive to someone i do not comment on it because i don't want to be part of something hateful. and secondly i had a few earnings decreases because i commented on discussion that go deleted. or my discussion that got deleted. i mainly try to stray away from those types of discussion and try to use good judgement on what to comment on. well happy mylotting.
2 people like this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
26 Aug 09
I have heard about that as well, earning decreases because discussions have been removed. I think that far I have managed to steer clear from the dangerous discussions (I don't like things that look like they might cause arguments as I am a wildly un-confrontational person lol), and definitely hope I don't start something like that in the future as well.
With the comments that you do on responses to new discussions that you have started, do you always comment on those, or do you sometimes come across ones that for one reason or another you can't think of anything to comment about?
Thanks for your response :)
Dranz
2 people like this
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hi Justbeingtiffany, you raised a very good point and I have learned a lot from your response. It's probably not a good idea to comment on discussions that appear offensive or argumentative. I'm learning to steer clear of those myself. I guess asking a question of "why can't we all just get along" here at mylot would probably be just a waste of time, as I'm sure that somebody would try to turn that one into an argument. thanks for posting
, Happy mylot!
, Happy mylot!1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
27 Aug 09
I must admit that I would be curious to know what the answers to a 'why can't we all get along' topic would be, though I can definitely see argument potential there which is a shame. That said I don't have a clue how I would answer, it just seems logical that we would get along with the fights being odd. Oh well, we seem to be getting along well here so I am happy lol :)
Thanks for the response :)
Dranz
1 person likes this
@livewyre (2450)
•
27 Aug 09
It's my understanding that people do NOT get rewarded for just saying thank you. The theory is that you should write at least four lines of text (just checking to make sure this will prove to be 4 lines...). Having four lines of text should ensure that the responder has taken the time to give a full response, anything less will not earn you anything.
On the other hand I always respond to someone who responds to my own discussions even if it is only a short response - because it is polite to do so.
If you were in a public place and said something aloud to a group of people and one person responded - would you not acknowledge them with at least 'I see...' or 'Thank you...' or something at least....
One way to get around this problem is NOT to have all comments forwarded to your inbox, then you will not be so disappointed!
1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
29 Aug 09
I read that argument elsewhere, the group of people thing. I think I came across that after I had started this discussion, but it is definitely the most logical way to see things, though I have look at it as a one-on-one thing, since I don't talk in groups (save for on here I guess lol).
I was not aware that you needed 4 lines to have something counted as decent response, many thanks for mentioning that, and for the response as a whole :)
I will keep the comments to inbox thing though, otherwise I would never know if there was a potential conversation starter somewhere lol
Happy mylotting,
Dranz
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Sometimes there is nothing to add to the comments and no you should not force it. If you feel you might say something that would stir up trouble and you feel more comfortable ignoring it...that is the right thing too. All these conversations about responding were because there are some here who start discussions anad then just ignore them completely. One person even asked why she did not earn much from discussions even tho she got several responses on some. She was explained by others several times as to why this was and still...she never read the responses to her discussions so didn't get it.
One person even asked why she did not earn much from discussions even tho she got several responses on some. She was explained by others several times as to why this was and still...she never read the responses to her discussions so didn't get it. 1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
29 Aug 09
Hey Sid,
Oh goodness I think I would definitely be sure to steer clear from any responses that seemed like they would get me starting a fight or something if I commented, I hate confrontations lol!
I am glad to know now why those topics suddenly appeared, and that it isn't necessary to reply to everything if you can't, though since finding out how the commenting thing works I have definitely started to enjoy doing them more, shame some people miss out on this simple joy lol :)
Many thanks for the response :)
Dranz
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
27 Aug 09
DCLehnsherr,
In the first place, this is actually a discussion site and any response for your post will usually be opened for a comment to promote discussion. So, like you, I usually have a comment or two more than just a mere thank you at the end of the day.
I feel it is in everyone's part here with what they want to do with their comments to their responses. But, of late, I just cannot tolerate some members who goes on ends to post discussions at alarming rates and never bother to comment on their responses.
I just feel that they are spoiling the name of good discussion here. Yet, I am wondering if the administrators are picking these members up and bringing them to tasks. If not, I think it is about time something should be done.
Have a nice day.
I just feel that they are spoiling the name of good discussion here. Yet, I am wondering if the administrators are picking these members up and bringing them to tasks. If not, I think it is about time something should be done.
Have a nice day.@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
29 Aug 09
Hey skysuccess,
I have seen those members as well and really dislike it when they have nearly a whole page of discussions in one interest! It seems rather excessive, especially when there isn't a real discussion between them! I too definitely hope that mylot takes them to task, I imagine they should as I think those discussions should go against the rules, but we never know I guess.
I am definitely trying to make sure that my discussions never get like that, this one was part of a series of 3 and I felt terrible about doing them all at once in the end, though I have watched them like a hawk so they won't have been wasted and I have learnt a lot from them so I think I am safe lol!
Many thanks for the response and happy mylotting :)
Dranz
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hi there, your discussion makes perfect sense to me. It's even written in mylot guidelines that we shouldn't just thank everyone and say thanks for their response. So to answer your question my friend, I would have to say if I have something positive to add to their comment or if what they say resonates with my thoughts and feelings I usually will respond back and let them know. Otherwise I may not bother to say anything at all. At one point I was hearing that we only get credit for the responses that we make to someone's response. Later I heard that it's not mandatory that we respond back to each and every contributor. As there are so many people here at mylot that other people may add in their response then it could possibly wind up taking your original discussion into another direction entirely. So perhaps I'm still a bit confused over having received these two different answers. I will let you know just as soon as I get more clarification on it. In the meantime I would think that you'd most likely be better off not responding to a responder if you didn't have anything to say. Oh, sorry, I almost forgot, there was one more view here that I thought was worthy of listening to. It came from a mylotter that had been here several years. He said if you don't respond back to each one that respond to you. They will remember you as someone that doesn't participate in your own discussions. So I guess it's really up to you how you choose to handle all of this. My best guess is to just go back to the mylot rules and see if there is something in them that you may have missed out on the first time when you were reading it. It seems that they have covered almost every angle. Wishing you luck and I hope this post has been helpful.
PS: Please add me as a friend if you feel that my point of view was meaningful!
1 person likes this
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
26 Aug 09
I think the reason there have been so many discussions on this topic is because the members here are keen to point out to new members - and some more established ones - that it is not enough to just post a discussion topic and then forget about it. As a discussion leader, you have a responsibility to manage that discussion by commenting on your responses and extending the discussion into new areas, aside from the earnings aspect which Mike has explained above.
That said, not every response merits a comment, for reasons you and Dawn have pointed out. You have the right attitude to this, so don't worry about it too much.
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
26 Aug 09
I don't tend to forget about the topics I have done and always read the responses to them, I just sometimes don't have a clue what to say to someone, and feel bad just thanking people. Though perhaps after reading the responses here, and the topics & responses that other people have started, I might go and change that the next time I have lots of free time and am slightly more awake lol!
Many thanks for your response and understanding my way of thinking, this topic has been oddly enlightening for me lol :)
Dranz
1 person likes this
@abbypringles (1613)
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
Yes, i have. I do that to respect the other person's opinion because I do have the tendency to defend myself, so to avoid judging other's opinions, then i just opt to leave it as it is. sometimes, when I do respond though, I just acknowledge them or add some additional insights without necessarily agreeing.
1 person likes this
@DCLehnsherr (1037)
•
29 Aug 09
I do that too sometimes, read something and feel the little hairs on the back of my neck rising and getting defensive, though luckily it hasn't happened on here yet I have (sadly) in the past snapped at some people in that way. I think on here when I come across those responses I will do as you say and just leave them unless I think I can help them understand my point of view better, at which stage I will respond when calmer so less likely to seem too defensive lol.
Many thanks for the response :)
Dranz
1 person likes this
