Social Anxiety! Shyness! Do you have these problems?

Hey Andrew i have to say i have a lot of problems myself, even i am quiet shy in the public and i wish i could be better with people, there are some people who think otherwise about me when i am not, they think i don't talk because i have some kinda attitude problem, hope they could just understand and get to know the real me, even though i have a moderate case of anxiety still it is a lot difficult for me to take part in group discussions and be confident in the public, there are a lot many things i wished for when i was younger but i have now got used to accept myself, i just be myself and i want others to accept me the way i am... just hope people don't get the wrong impression about me, i look serious and all from the outside but i am not, some people draw conclusions very quickly and i certainly don't want to be judged that way, they have to talk to me to know the real me, i am not that mean and bad like some people think....

I have always had problems interacting with people as well, and used to think I had social anxiety and/or a personality disorder (I am something of an amateur psychologist!) In the end I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome instead, meaning that it is a little more than just shyness which was nice since it meant I could stop forcing myself into situations I should avoid instead, which was what I had been doing in an effect to cure myself (though it backfired drastically instead!) I have tried livejournal in the past but I found that it just set off those feelings. Being here used to as well until I actually interacted one on one with a few members and saw how nice they were. That and after asking lots of questions I think I understand more of how it works, though I still watch what I say in case I offend people. As for coping in everyday life my trick is to stay out of the way of it lol. I do do things outside the house and even volunteer in a local museum, but since I graduated university I have taken it easy on myself, sort of like having a social gap year before starting work and dealing with it all again. The break has helped me to work out what Aspergers actually means, and how I can deal with it before finding a permanent job and life of my own. As for real life meet ups, I do avoid those and tend to prefer to things online and via e-mail since in person I just can't speak, and when I do people don't usually understand me lol! I am glad that both places have helped you to find yourself and answers and I hope the meet ups continue to prove helpful :) Happy mylotting, Dranz

I do have social anxiety...Not sure about shyness...but I get the jitters by talking to others. I prefer to do things on my own. I feel tense when I get the chance to communicate in a group. I don't understand why but if I meet people online and chat online I don't feel any tension arising. Somehow online group is also okay but when meeting in face-to-face that's the real doldrums that has been plaguing me all the while. I wish I could counter my fears and take control of my life. I guess I will be the biggest issue I had in my entire life that can't be solved instantly..How I could wish I get a gold bar soon...lol...just joking. Anyway, give me some hints on socializing or the group names. I will be checking back soon. For now, arios

Hey I just had to respond to this discussion as I believe I replied to something you wrote on Live Journal the other day. What a small world it is haha! It was on the social anxiety community, I said I was from near London and was interested in the meet up thing. Do you remember me? My livejournal name is Dontstartaband!

Yes i have. I am suffocated in the middle of the crowd. I feel small and worthless. But the cause is trauma, i had some people ever mocked me. They called me ugly etc, while i couldn't reply. And there was my close person in my family did that too. So... perhaps that's why i felt insecure wherever i go, even i must go with somebody, can't go and won't go alone. I don't have social life. But i lived in harmony with my family and my husband. Several groups? That's good. But i don't think to share this to others, let it just for myself. How to cope it? Just take it easy. Do your daily activity, just lean on to God. I believed in everything i do God is at my front, because i prayed to God everyday. If i pray not, God is not ahead of me.

I think I'm on a halfway between being shy and being sociable. During my school years, from elementary to high school, I was really expressive, approachable, ice breaker, funny, outrageous and outgoing. In college, even i have a group friends who smoke, I still joining them. But my shyness was happening only in my house neighbors. They dont like to approach me or just wave and say, hi! They are my childhood friends before but when we grown up,they don't like to talk to me. I felt like outcast and horrible to some of them. But what i always do is just to smile. If they dont respond well its okey with me at least i gave my part of considering and acknowledging them. Smile makes a lot of difference. Introduce yourself and be adaptive also to them. Every group situation is different. If you dont like the group just be civil and still acknowledge the postive things on that group. It's a matter of choice if you go to a bein a bad and good company. Anyway nobodys perfect its all about acceptance!

Hi Andrew, well I think by now you know that I have more or less the same problems as you, with me it's more the unwillingness and suspicion and paranoia about being around people but I think this was brought about more by the fact that I have been badly bullied and have been in mentally abusive relationships in the past, however I was diagnozed as having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) which doesn't help the situation and why my relationships just don't last. I have got used to my own company and do not mix, I guess because it's been this way for longer than I can remember I have got used to and accepted the situation. I am too independent, need my privacy and in a way selfish that I don't want to share my life with anyone. I did join up one of those groups at meet.up, but sadly the person running it has since quit and the group is going to be deleted unless someone can take the reins, typical! But even when I joined up there was a meet up on the day I joined and to be honest I just couldn't face it. When I was in my 20s I used to go to clubs, bars etc so the problem hasn't been lifelong, it's developed more when I was in my 30s and now a I come up to my 40s I feel that this is my lot in life and I accept it, I think mainly because that I don't want to meet anyone, I want to stay single that to me I just don't trust any one any more and sadly yes I do tar everyone with the same brush, to me people are abusers, bullies and control freaks and if anyone talks to me or takes an interest in me that is what I think straight away, so part of my mental state is to reject people before they have a chance to reject or use and abuse me. My defences are far too strong to let people in, whether it's a temporary thing or a permanent one, but right now in my life that is the way I feel.

I am pretty shy, by nature, and I avoid group settings as much as I can. I only meet new people when I have to, and to be honest, I am perfectly comfortable sitting at home with onyl my huband and kids around me. I don't mind the occassional guest, and I love to talk to my family, and occassionally have them to visit, but when it comes to more than just a few other people around, I will spend as much time in my room or even making excuses to run errands as I can to avoid being around so many people at one time. I can't say that it is really a social anxiety, I think it is really just my personal preference to be a homebody. If my husband were to come home and suggest that we go out with, let's say, his brother and sister-in-law, I would probably make some excuse not to go just because I don't even like going out in groups. If he came home and suggested that we go out to eat, just the two of us, I would agree only if it were a day and time when I knew the place wouldn't be as busy. I don't get those anxious feelings that I do at other times, but I don't feel comfortable.

Hello AndrewFeyne! I also have the same feeling everytime I am in a group situation. I am not comfortable, shy and thought of going somewhere quite everytime I am in a group. I want to get over with it because it wouldn't help me being like that.

Oh yes Andrew before I was so shy also and and have this social anxiety and even inferiority complex. I was so nervous in facing people and I'm trembling entering even an office. I do have stage fright as well. I was able to cope with all of these when I joined in sales. Attending product knowledge seminars, trainings and also differrent functions and activities. When I was recruited in Tupperware, we were used to conduct product demonstration in a group of attendees. During the first and the second demos our recruiter and manager was the one conduxting all we had to do was to observe but the next day our manager dropped each one of us in an office she previously set appointment. Though we had product knowledge already at first I'm quite hesistant and still nervous but thinking that the presentation was all set and nobody else would conduct it for me, I don't know where did I get the strength but I was able to make it, I finished the presentation ans was able to reach the quota for sales as everyone ordered. From that time on I learned how to face the crowd, I became a tupperware manager and I was able to train new Tupperware dealers. After 6 years I was recruited in real estate, this time I learned how to conduct office presentations about differrent subdivisions and also learned how conduct seminars for new agents. I remember joining Sales helped me coped out with my shyness, social anxiety and even inferiority complex. Just go on mingling with other people, Andrew and keep on attending activities and the next time around you'll see you had overcome these shyness and social anxiety.

I think everyone has this to some extent. What a person believes is often what they become. See yourself as the social center of attention. Go to parties, greet and treat people like your very best friend. You might just find that they are glad that you broke the ice. Need something to talk about????? Learn from talk show hosts. Aren't they just great at getting people to open up????

hi,i have the same feeling in my childhood.i can't play with stranger,even,the group which only has one stranger.i can't also paly in crowed place,because,i thougt they would saw me when i play,because i play not well. i always have those thoughts. feeling better when i go to highschool. but,the problem run until now. through your word ,you are a motivated person who find proble can solve it right now.good boy! where are you in ? there is no the group like you said in my country .if it has ,i want to join in to .