Do you tend to bottle your feelings?

Exactly.Andd you have put it ina nice picturesque way tooThanks for participating in my discussion and welcome to mylot.I see you are a new person here.Enjoy your time here.It is a great forum .

KABOOOM! Sounds like an invitation to a party! KABOOM! KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!

oh mysdianit!!!

Happy to have been of some help You have written another incident elucidating my point in the discussion topic about the onlookers not understanding the reason for the flareup.About the pent up feelings I guess you have become slightly resigned to the issues outside and those which are not under your control.THanks a lot for sharing your views on the subject.

You are right Kala.It is always easy for a person who knows the thin line between being curt and being rude.

People who have no guard over their tongue would defintiely alienate others but there are some people who would just not care.Only if your husband is a person who really cares for having alienated people then it is cause for concern.Don't you think so?.It is better to maintain one's own peace than bottle emotions I feel.People do tend to talk unnecessarily and we need not be forced to put up with nonsense.

Thank you Tamra. It is because we are quiet by nature and are able to take a lot that the reaction gets loud when our patience is tested at times.As you rightly pointed out it is better that they get released sooner than later.THanks for the participation.

Your husband is totaly right and I was definitely like you.Now I have learned my lessons and where it really does not count we must avoid interactions.Where it counts,w e have to speak our minds out in order to maintain peace within ourselves.We must not tolerate nonsense.

What a great reponse! I am a lady but I agree with you hundred percent and I also feel that it is unfair to say that it shows weakness on a man's part to weep or shed tears. Poor things! They are as human as all others and have strong feelings.Women talk a lot [talk and talk] and give vent to their feelings.We talk so much that we get on their nerves sometimes[fair is fair after all/what to do I have to accept the maladies of our clan ]but the men are pressurised to keep their emotions under control.THis certainly breeds aggression[let me tell you ;but this happens with women also.When we are forced to bottle our feelings we too become aggressive and too aggressive at times. You have been wise in seeing what is happening to you and I think all people who have this problem should do an objective selfanalysis before the situation gets out of hand.Thanks for sharing your views and for the lovely response.

Your way of finding peace for yourself is commendable Deepak. Many years ago my huband used to tell me that one should learn music and let go practising songs, without allowing other people to hurt them.Ultimately we all need peace and we cannot people get on to our nerves all the time.It is all easier said than done.But, I also feel that once we release pent up emotions by talking , with firm action that preserves us the next time, we would all be fine.It is only when people ride rough shod over us and we are unable to do a thing about it that it gets on top of us.People put up with lot of nonsense with their bosses in office, but they would never tolerate bossiness from others. Similarly we need to tolerate nonsense only with most important people elder to us.Where you have to grin ane bear nonsense , indifference and adopting a totally stubborn attitude would make action speak louder than words.

Hi Kala! As long as we are able to distract ourselves and make us busy in something, I think we'll be able find peace. I agree learning music or indulging in it could be the best option to relax ourselves. I firmly believe that talking does help in letting out our emotions and we must resort to it. Yes, you are right we need to tolerate nonsense from those who are elder to us in status, relation and age and they need due respect also. Thanks a lot for your invaluable suggestions. Deepak

Thanks for the excellent response dear. bUT REGARDING THE last bit, I have also on experience found that when we do not give back, it is only select people who tend to feel guilty.There are some insensitive people who do not even realise that they have behaved rudely.They take it as their birthright to be rude to others.My experience says this also and this has happened many a time.

That was a wonderful response andthis discussion keeps getting me such good responses.It shows you are a very wise person to allow people to let off steam and let things cool down afterwards.If only we always have this wisdom----it would be great.Sometimes, only when another person's anger is directed towards us and we are unable to retaliate these negative feelings build up wiTHin ourselves allowing them to explode out of turn one day.

I guess the years of experience has taught me to adapt well in these kinds of situations. Only problem is that I will not voice out my reasons if I dont think the issue is worth being expelled for, or something to that effect. Though I will make a stand and fight for what I believe in within the argument if I feel that I am right and was wrongly accused of something. Yeah, that is kinda like holding a grudge, and not that I hold grudges but those arguments that I let pass,.. I dont forget them. So as to learn from my mistakes but who knows what my thinking could use that information for. That's what Im afraid of.

If we bottle our feelings with our partner, then it may have unwanted repercussions in future.THis is something I try to avoid.But with others we have to define their limits and adopt a "neither interfere, nor be interfered with' policy.Don't you think so?

Wonderful response. Guarding your words at your own discretion, but speaking where necessary --these are signs of a mature person.Thanks for particpating in the discussion and adding your valuable inputs.

It is saddening to read what you have written Vandana.I also feel that people who are so well meaning and sincere well wishers are some of your relatives.Am I right?The cheapness in their statements just put me off and reinforced my belief that people need to keep relatives at a distance.Only one's own close family should be included in the inner circle.If, even your sibling talks like this then it is even sadder.You have rightly pointed out that you would need resources to take care of you in old age.THere is no doubt about this at all.Even people with children are careful w ith their resources these days.People would always blame us and accuse us of things if they cannot get their way.And why should we listen to others in matters thta concern us and noone else?I simply hate this.THere are very few people who can mind their business. I am once again sorry for the painful experience you have had with relatives.

Relatives and colleagues. :-) And believe me, I didnt have enough at right age for marriage because my father helped all my relatives. :-) They were never there for us even though I lost my mother when I was just about 5 and a half. And colleagues, I helped them plan their financial future! Makes me wonder if anybody is worth helping at all! But then, I did get back, in some cheap sort of way. Didnt I? The point is, it is cheap. And that doesnt go with my personality. That is also what annoys. :( I did mention it to somebody else, who understood my plight, the way u have. They suggested, say all the children in the world are mine, urs included. I tried that as well. Didnt succeed. :( The remarks that followed were - she doesnt want to part with her monies that is why she says like that. :( Which is true in a way, isn't it? Well, I left the job, and have isolated myself from my relatives. Relatives still try to say that I control my parent as he too has distanced himself to an extent - and there is no more outflow of monies. I wish there was some way we could put a law in place for this. It is so essential. At times I think may be god let me go thru this to understand how painful it is, and ensured that I was educated enough to do something about it. But do what? How do u get laws framed against such stuff. I dont know any procedure! :-) So much for education. :-) And I dont want to be crying in front of advocates - it would be so silly. :-) And I am as of now not cool enough to stop doing that on this issue. May be a few more years down the lane, I will be more composed, and all methods to have law instated would be on net, and then I could do something about it. For now, I just push it back in my mind, and find other ways to enjoy my life. :-) I cant after all spoil every bit of my life for something like that. There is a lot more to my life than this. As I was explaining to somebody else, I have an 80: 20 principal. :-) If 20 percent of my life is disgusting I am not going to let it spill over the 80 and destroy that as well. :-) Thanks for understand me. I really appreciate it. :-)

"it is starting to get to me now and I feel like I have to do something about it quickly'--this is a reaction of a person who has eben listening to a bit of nonsense because you don't want to create a scene.This is precisely the reason for your explosion too.If only we adopt a strategy of being firm right in the beginning and not allow people to ride rough shod over us then the need for explosion would not at all rise.THis is what I was trying to convey in the discussion topic and you have given a wonderful example straightaway.THanks for the participation.

Very sensible response.You have summed up exactly how this thing happens.So, here the mistake absolutely lies on the person who bottles his/her feelings for some reason[valid/invalid]against another.Unfortunately due to some constraints these people are unable to speak out their minds and this later erupts unnecessarily.THanks for sharing.

WE NEED AN outlet and if feelings are bottled then they would only explode.THanks for the response and sorry for the late comment.

I am also trying to tell people then and there but it is definitely a habit that makes us tongue tied and allow people to have a say at times even in matters that do not concern them.Nowadays, I make a conscious effort to field unwanted suggestions where I do not like it.I do this in my own firm but gentle way.I should improve upon it further diligently.Thaks for the participation.

I am sorry you had to find it out the wrong way after many health hazards.I too know how it is to allow people to get the upper hand and then react.Good thta you are differen t now.THnaks for the participation and I am sorry for the late comment.

Yes,everyone would have limits. It is also true thta when it si ametter of a clsoe person you feel hesitant to speak yor mind up for fear of hurting the other person.But even here,but I do feel that if it is a matter of unncessary rudeness we should say it then and there.THanks for sharing.