I feel such a loser right now

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Today i have one of my monthly painful menstrual cramps, brought about my endometriosis. As i curl up in pain on my bed, i thought about my life. I'm 35, married but chose to leave my husband. I felt he can't be a man and support his family. But now i think i just have very high expectations from him. Now i'm staying at my mom's back in my old room, with my 11 y.o. Most of the time i am thankful for what i have, my son, a supportive mom, a not-stressful-but-doesn't-pay-well job. But there are times, my 'down times' that i feel i am so unlucky. When i watch tv and see a couple having great times together, i'd think i need that too. When i see my highschool classmates' facebook, and see their happy pictures, their fine houses, their trips to different places, i'd think when we were in highschool my life was better than them. I have a lot of things i wanted to do - build a house for my mom, for my son & 1, travel with my son & mom, do stuff together, my teeth badly needs braces and i need to get a surgery for my endometriosis. All these i can't do with my limited resources. Everytime i see a child, i'd think most of what will happen to that child depends on the decisions his/her parents will make. Then i'd go back to me. I have made a lot of rotten decisions which made my life like this. And i cant see anything i could do to change my luck. At this point, my whole 'purpose of life' changes. The only thing that keeps me going is my son. Having good times with him and giving him a great future. But maybe he's better of being with his dad, rather than with a mom who suffers midlife crisis or self pity from time to time. I would like to give him things he needs and wants, take him to places and let him experience good stuff, but i can't. I'm just ranting. I have no one else i could talk to.