Things I Have Learned Over the Past 30 Years
@thebohemianheart (8827)
United States
September 3, 2009 9:16am CST
Over the past month or so, I have connected with some high school classmates. While some of them were friendly enough, most of them were not what I considered friends, back then.
As I talked to one of the girls the other day, I realized that at that age, how much alike we all were.
This particular girl was popular, a cheerleader, dated one of the jocks,had a butt load of self esteem, and just seemed to have it all. I was just the opposite and, she and her group intimidated the hell out of me. But, people in general intimidated me so....
I was painfully shy (yeah, it's true.) I didn't have a lick of self confidence, and I was scared to death that I was not going to make it through the day without falling apart, most days. About the only thing she and I had in common was that I dated one of the jocks my freshman year. (For some reason, this makes me laugh, now.)
Not once did it ever occur to me that any of those girls were jealous of ME. I mean really, who would be jealous of a tall, too skinny, plain looking, scared of her own shadow, girl? They had it all, looks, brains, and self confidence that would make people like me step aside and let them pass, rather than make them go around us. I was the jealous one.
I found out some years later, that one of the girls was quite jealous when the quarter back had asked me to wear his football ribbon. (the players had these purple and gold ribbons with their names and numbers on them, and their girlfriends wore the ribbons on Fridays during football season) SHE was jealous of me!
Finding out all these things 30 years later, made me realize that we were really all the same at that age. Struggling with who we were, not knowing what we wanted to do with our lives, and scared that if we did know, we wouldn't be able to handle it. WE WERE ALL THE SAME! They were no smarter, no prettier, no more confident in themselves than I was. They just knew how to fake their way through it all, and I didn't.
Which one were you when you were in school? Did you know what you wanted to do with our life? Were you confident in yourself, or did you fake your way through, making everyone THINK that you were? How different are you today than you were back then?
5 people like this
18 responses
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
3 Sep 09
I'm not in contact with anyone I went to school with, but when I've bumped into ex-classmates in the past, most have been quite surprised at how I am and at what I'm doing with myself these days. I was very disruptive, argumentative and forthright in High School and it was pretty much expected by most people that I'd end up an underachiever or in a world of trouble! The fact of the matter is that I was no different to most kids and I built up my own wall to protect myself from many aspects of my life as best I can. I just so happened to choose a more aggressive form of barrier. This cheerleader you mention was protecting herself too, but chose a different type of barrier; so I agree wholeheartedly with what you're sharing here about us all being the same. You didn't know how to fake things to the same level that she did, so she probably resented that you could be YOU and she couldn't. (Even though she didn't realise you were just as insecure as she was, but handled things differently)
I still have some of the traits I had back then, sure; but overall I'm a different person. I'm far more confident for one, but I still have my barriers and I still use various forms of misdirection to hide certain emotions and feelings. I'm nowhere near as aggressive anymore and thankfully time has taught me to think before I act. I'm certainly not as angry anymore either. A little jaded at times maybe, but not so angry! 
Great discussion topic here Diddly! 
Great discussion topic here Diddly! 3 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
Thanks, James.
I am still who I was back then, in a way. I just learned to fake my way through some of the things that kept me in the background, then.
I know what you mean about being a bit jaded, at times. I think we may all be that way, to some extent.
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Ooooh, now that is something that I would have never done back then but, it sounds like fun now!
2 people like this
@kb5000 (110)
• United States
4 Sep 09
man, do i have a story to tell. i came into college. i am a very shy person. i know exactly what i wanted to do in life. i made a junior friend. turns out he was a bully. it was hard for me to get out off the situation. i didnt get out until finally, near the end of my sophomore year a friend told me to do want i wanted to do. so my friend, who is also a friend of this bully, i told him that i was leaving. i made sure i couldnt be found by the bully.
this bully was a mental bully, he wanted me to get laid, build a outstanding resume and be important in the world. only everyday i would hear how i am a piece of sh** and do everything he wanted me to do. i couldn't even go to sleep when i wanted.
so my friends now are basically what i called "the ku klux klan of (bully name) because they were once friends of his until they realized who he really was. only they weren't bullied.
i have a 2.295 gpa, in a major that the bully picked for me(which i hate) and have hardly any friends(because i used to follow the bully around all the time). i still hope to accomplish my goals and what i want to do but know it will take a much longer time to get there. What i wanted to do is build my own internet company, i currently own a few internet business and do investing. i wanted to be a computer science and business major. (well, today i am taking one step at a time to reach my goals and will not allow another bully to entire my life ever again.
3 people like this
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
4 Sep 09
You're doing great kb. Many of us don't learn that lesson until much later in life. You'll be whatever you tell yourself you can be, as long as you don't let someone else run your life for you! Keep up the good work.
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Wow. That is some story. I am glad you are taking steps towards accomplishing your own goals and not the ones that someone else set for you.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
3 Sep 09
I am not really in contact with anyone from school. I was neither popular or unpopular. I was kind of in the middle and to that extent practically invisible. As my school was all boys I can hand on my heart say that I never dated any of them - but no doubt a few did! I muddled through school with no particular aim except to leave! I would not wish to go back. I have been focused and unfocused in my life. Right now I am probably unfocused in terms of "career". I am happy playing with my friends on here. That probably explains a lot!
3 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I muddled through school with no particular aim except to leave!
I think a majority of us were that way, pikey. I even considered taking summer classes so that I could get out of there early.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
3 Sep 09
I was very shy and quiet when I was in school, and I had few friends. My classmates didn't really know me, it was my impression that they actually liked me, and they often invited to their parties and other things, but I was very shy and I often chose to stay at home instead.
I have met a few of my classmates after we left school, and it was fun to talk to them and hear about the life that they had now. It could me interesting to meet some of my other classmates, but I have never been to any class reunions. I think that I have changed quite a lot since I left school. I am still shy in some situations, but not like I used to be, and I have become much more talkative. Some people would say that I talk too much now
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
*LOL* Yeah, I talk a lot more now than I did then, and I know how to fake the fact that people still intimidate me just a little. Now people just think I am a little stand offish, until they get to know me.
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I have never been to one of those reunions. Never even been invited actually.
Hmmm, high school. Do I really want to dredge up memories of that period in my life? Let me just say that one time one of the popular upperclassmen saw fit to speak to me one day in the hall. He made a deliberate effort to get my attention and say high. My imagination soared for days although my common sense told me that he was probably just making a point or trying to shake up his regular girl friend.
There were several times I was convinced that I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I have never followed through on any of those certainties though.
Even now I am not to sure about my place in this world. I do have a few friends and I have accomplished a few things but I have definitely not lived up to my potential.
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I think I have always known what I wanted to do with my life. I just wasn't sure enough of my self and my capabilities, until recently, to go for it.
I have only been to one reunion, and that was 20 something years ago. I won't be attending this year's reunion simply because Hubby has already planned his vacation, and I wouldn't ask him to change plans this late in the game. I would like to see some of the people and find out what they have been up to, though.
I just recently discovered that 2 of the guys from my school are somewhat celebrities. One of them I am not sure in what, I didn't ask. But the other is on tru tv every week. Kind of a surprise to see him while flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch.*L*
@sblossom (2168)
•
3 Sep 09
I don’t have many contacts with my past.
Also I think I’m little different from previous one.
I did see some old friends who were in same school before last year. But when we talked I felt difficult to find common language. The topics were all about children, husband, flats and stocks. I felt boring with these topics. Also I felt old friends were just polite as well as jealous of what I have now.
I don’t think I changed too much inside, but my friends thought I changed a lot, especially after I moved to the UK. It’s a little shame. but what I can do it’s life.
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
People do change, though. We are not the same at 20 as we are at 16, or the same at 30 as we are at 20, etc. Our goals and dreams change as we mature.
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
Looking back at my high school days, I am totally different now. . . I was not confident when I was still younger especially that my mother always told me that I couldn't achieve the things I wanted. . . I have many regrets that I didn't do what I wanted before. .. I excelled academically when I was still in high school but I was not active with the extra curricular activities. .. Now, I am more confident with my self even I did not achieve my dream of becoming a doctor.. .
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
At 49 I decided it was time for me to set aside every thing that others had told me I couldn't do. I quit my job as a pharmacy tech to accomplish my own dreams. I just felt that if I didn't do it right then, I would never even give myself a chance at it. It has been just over a year, and while I am not where I want to be in my life, at the moment, I am happier than I have been in a long time. You are really the only one who knows what you can or cannot accomplish.
@gary1125 (173)
• Australia
4 Sep 09
The story about yourself is classic, I think everyone has similar experience as yours.
For me... I cannot remember what exactly I felt when I was in elementary, but what I do remember is in middle school, teachers there didnt think I could go to a good high school hence go to a uni, however I did finally.
You can imagine I didnt feel good, but I did have that confidence, but still that experience is not strong, more of just memories....
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
My high school counselor told me that girls like me (whatever that means) didn't go to college, they got married and had babies. Well, since I was taught not to question authority, I believed him. I got married, had babies then, realized that I could be more than a mother and wife, and by damn, I was going to prove it. But, I set out to prove it to myself, not anybody else.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
4 Sep 09
You need to join our Geek Girl club Bo. You're a natural! LOL
I was a mess all through my teen years. I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but my parents thought all my ambitions totally unsuitable for a lady, and I was 35 before I finally woke up, looked at my hubs (now my ex) and thought "Damn it all, I'M a person too and I want to control my own life!" I left the hubs and I've been pretty much in charge of myself and confident ever since.
About ten years ago I was in the city where I went to high school. We stopped at a burger joint for some food, and who should be behind the counter, all greasy, aged and overweight and looking like something the cat dragged in, but THE most popular girl in school from back in the day! I nearly fell over. I couldn't avoid her, and when her look of puzzlement turned to recognition SHE nearly fell over! "Damn it all" she said, "You have aged a bit!" Now this girl had terrified me no end in school. She had it all. And now she's telling me she always admired my cute freckles and my aura of contentment with myself, but never had the nerve to talk to me because she thought I'd laugh at her! Go figure! You just never know how people perceive you even when your quaking like a bowl of jelly inside!
So yeah...........we're all pretty much the same under the skin, with our fears and worries and woes. Some of us are just better at building facades as you said.
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
You just never know how people perceive you even when your quaking like a bowl of jelly inside!
This is what I am finding out as I talk to more and more of these people.
You think I am a Geek Girl?*L* I never thought of myself as a geek but, maybe I am.*L*
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
I was painfully shy back then and now I'm not so painfully shy. I haven't actually gone to any of my reunions and I'm not sure I would now that I've moved away. It would really surprise me to find out if anybody was jealous of me though! Then again I didn't date no jock either...
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
You'd be surprised what some girls are jealous of, Dawn.*L*
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
4 Sep 09
LOL When I was in high school I was so set-apart from all the rest of my classmates that when we went on field trips I was mistaken for one of the teachers. (From sophomore year no less).
At our 20 year reunion I was shocked when the Dr.'s daughter grabbed me and gave me a big bear hug. She was always friendly-in-passing during school, but being the Dr.'s daughter. . .I don't know why that intimidated me so. My mother was friends with the Dr.'s wife! My Dad held his own with any and all walks of life, but I just never seemed to fit in anywhere.
I wanted what most girls wanted in the 50's, to have a husband and children. I got them, but still never seemed to fit in anywhere. I was constantly trying to be what someone else wanted me to be and always coming up short.
Am I different now? You bet! I'm me. I still try to do what I can for those I love to make them happy, but I don't beat myself up for not being like other people. I'm me and if you don't like me, it's your loss!
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
The truth is that you can hold your own against anybody, too. And, I happen to like you better now that you are you, and not trying to be what someone else wants you to be.
Or, maybe it's because I am all grown up and understand things better? Either way, I love you!
Or, maybe it's because I am all grown up and understand things better? Either way, I love you!
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
3 Sep 09
Hey Bo,
This is a great post. It takes us back to where our lives really began. In elementary school we were too young to care. I got along with everyone. Then you begin to change physically, if you know what I mean! Your whole life starts to change. You and I would have been good friends. I was intimidated by the phony populars. Somehow my loud twin became a girlfriend of one of the populars. He was really a sweet guy and his sister was always very sweet as well. There were a few populars who were nice to us, because they weren't phonies, just popular because they had money. But the money didn't change them.
But I always hung out with the "Geek Girls". They were real. My twin wasn't happy to hang out with us Geeks, she wanted to be special among the populars.
I just recently have been in contact online with some of my classmates. A lot of the populars over the years have become real and a lot still haven't. If I was physically able to, I would go to my re-union this year but that aint gonna happen.
I could actually feel the changing process within me. It's nice to grow up!! Hugssss
leenie
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
3 Sep 09
Leenie, my sister was very outgoing and boisterous, at times. She always threatened to kick my butt if I didn't stand up for myself. She's two years younger than I.*L*
@vivianchen (2646)
• China
4 Sep 09
This is a very good topic and thanks for sharing. Although i am not yet that ages, i just graduated from college 3 years ago, and when i look back, when i was in middle school, i was the shy one, because my skin is tan(lol,,in my country, Asian, people consider white is prettier).I am still tan now, but i think i look good.),when i were in high school, i was okay, kinda in the middle, not very confident, not shy too. The reason i am not confident is because they wear better cloth than i do.
Well, talking about college, i am the one who make everyone jealous, i am full of confidents, enjoy lifes a lot. But, because i was too good, i don't have much friends. 
,in my country, Asian, people consider white is prettier).I am still tan now, but i think i look good.),when i were in high school, i was okay, kinda in the middle, not very confident, not shy too. The reason i am not confident is because they wear better cloth than i do.
Well, talking about college, i am the one who make everyone jealous, i am full of confidents, enjoy lifes a lot. But, because i was too good, i don't have much friends. @thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I wouldn't worry about not having a lot of friends. I have found that all you really need is one or two really good friends who will stand with you, no matter what. Those are the ones who will last a life time.
@allsheikhly (83)
• China
4 Sep 09
i am a good boy in teacher's eyes at the time .in my primary and junior high school,i work hard,and i get praise and honor from parents,teachers ,society.....because of my perfect performance in final test,i entered a very good senior high school,but till now,i admit it's my hell.
all round me are good students and that give me much stress,i try hard to satisfy my parents but it doesn't work.however,maybe my good luck or something else,i do good at the final test and enter a good college to continue my medical study.
now it's my fifth year,most of my former students have graduated and work now,but i still need another 3years.maybe it's a long time,but i know as a doctor ,i need that.
in high school .i love a girl.but we didn't in a relationship,now she graduates and works in another city,i hope her be well..
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Sometimes people tell us we are not good enough, and that is sad. However, if you know you can do it, do it for yourself, not for those around you. I have a saying. The only person you really HAVE to live with for the rest of your life is you. So, do the things that please you and, be happy with your life and, what you accomplish.
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Most of the guys I went out with were already out of school. Hmmmmm, maybe I was more out there than I thought I was, now that I think about some of the things I did.*L*
1 person likes this
@EnglishTeaDuck (862)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I was pretty unhappy at school and there were kids who made fun of my weight. So I saw myself as the fat unpopular one.
But when I see people from school (which is rare, especially as I moved countries!)
they always ask me if I still write songs. When I was 15 I was in the final of a national schools songwriting competition, on tv etc -we were in the last 5 in the country I think it was, and I wrote the song.
I still do write songs. But I also still think of myself as fat and stupid. But the fact that people ask that makes me think, how weird, MAYBE they actually thought I was cool!
(Ok or maybe they wanted to get in with the kid who was on tv, but whatever...lol)
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Oh, please don't think of yourself that way. I am sure you are not but, sometimes it is hard to get an image of ourselves out of our minds. It took me a long time to get the idea that I was stupid out of my head.
