18 and pregnant and boyfriend isnt ready and wants to get rid of it
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
Malaysia
September 3, 2009 10:14am CST
who to blame on this ?? follow up on my recent discussion on "birth control" - i believe this people should be well educated to know what to do but it still happens
here is the whole question from the girl ..
Me and my boyfriend well fiance have been together almost a year and a half now. Hes leaving for basic training on Sept 9th which is only in 5 days. We found out i was pregnant about a week ago now and he said hes not ready. Hes very much leaning to abortion and he wanted to do it together before he left but there where no appt. Now he is leaving the decision up to me. But he would very much like to follow threw with our plan. So what do you think i should do?
well you can give your opinion to her : http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090903075902AARf6zv
6 people like this
24 responses
@kl_blueknight (381)
• Malaysia
3 Sep 09
I think the boy is trying to shrug off the responsibilty by leaving the decision to the poor girl. For her to shoulder this hugh responsibility is not easy. Maybe telling the boy that she intends to keep the baby and tell every one that its his may scare him out from the cupboard to face the reality and share the decision together.
@ladyhope (377)
• Canada
4 Sep 09
I don't necessarily think that he is trying to shrug off the responsibility. He can't say "oh army, don't take me now!" It just inconveniently happened right before he was set to leave.
He did give his input and he made it clear that he is not ready. I think she has to decide whether she is in fact ready. I do not know many 18-yr-olds in this day and age who would be.
1 person likes this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
hi kl ..
i dont like what he did either, leaving it to the girl to decide ... possible that he just wanted to enjoy the fun but not take the responsbiblity that comes together with it
1 person likes this
@kl_blueknight (381)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
I think it is both their responsibilities. Both participated, both must make a decision together. The child's well being is what I am concern about for he is totally innocent. It's shouldn't be the case of " you're here and gone tomorrow". Both are answerable to the child when he grows up. You can enjoy and have fun, but can carry a heavy price tag too.
1 person likes this
@Jlyn22 (204)
• United States
3 Sep 09
That girl needs to do what she feels is right not what her boyfriend wants. Its not his body or his life so if she wants to go through with it and have the baby then she should and if he leaves her over it then that would just mean shes better off without him.
2 people like this
@ladyhope (377)
• Canada
4 Sep 09
I am a little offended by this answer as it is his baby, too. It may not be his body or his life, but it is his baby also! It took two to make the baby!
Accidents happen to even the most protected people and at least he is responsible enough to realize that he isn't ready to have a baby.
Whats the lesser of two evils? Aborting a fetus (not a baby, although I am sure that people will get angered over this) or bringing a baby into the world when you are not ready to properly raise it, physically, mentally, or financially?
1 person likes this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
but is it not unfair .. that it has become the sole responsiblity of the young girl and the "man" is out of the picture ... it is his "sperm" that made her pregnant .. they enjoyed the moment together and now it is her choice ?? how unfair
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 09
The dad to be says he isn't ready yet. He has the rest of the pregnancy to prepare for the responsibility. The girlfriend could have her baby and become a single mom. Her little baby is an innocent one that deserves to live. I hope that she will decide to keep her baby. I am pro-life and wouldn't ever have an abortion. At age 18 the girl shouldn't have an abortion. It might please her boyfriend but emotionally she might never get over it.
2 people like this
@underdogy (700)
• Thailand
3 Sep 09
Way to go maximax! I am pro-life myself and if ever i will have baby with my girlfriend..No abortion will come our way. Life is a precious gift that needs to be taken care of and valued. I commented on a similar discussion about life and abortion, that we cannot take away what is not within our power to give nor destroy what is not within our power to create. Let the baby live--that is my suggestion. Just as maximax had said--it might please her boyfriend but she might never get over it emotionally.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I myself could never make the decision to have an abortion. For me, the choice wouldn't involve having an abortion at all, the choice that I would be facing is weather to have the baby and keep it or to have the baby and put it up for adoption. If she feels that like the father of the baby she too isn't ready to be a mother, then I would recommend looking into private adoption. There are so many people that want to have children that can't that she'd be giving a gift to two people, both her child for allowing it to have life and to the family that she chose to adopt her child because they'd get to share all of their love with the baby.
2 people like this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
i am one of them ... isnt god unfair .. i spend money to get pregnant and they spend money to abort 
1 person likes this
@winorak5109 (33)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I believe that every life is precious; the sonograms actually show more than what they used to show. In fact, one doctor showed in her sonogram pics how the movement of the baby was so prevalent even in its earliest stages. GOD stated it this way to the prophet Jeremiah, "I knew you even before you were born - in your mother's womb". Then GOD said to the same prophet, "I called you by name". Another place GOD mentions how HE SAW the members of the baby's body coming together i.e. the limbs and such. The LORD will help you if you turn to HIM to ask HIM what you should do? The Scripture reference is Jeremiah 1;4-5 in the HOLY BIBLE.
@LavonTB (32)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I honestly think in today's given age we understand the basics of how you get pregnant and the ways to help prevent this. It's just most of the time teenagers make the choice of not using protection. I think that is part of the whole "I'm invincible and nothing bad will happen to me" mentality that teens have. You could always look in to giving the child to a family that would take care of it and pay for your medical bills.
2 people like this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
maybe as u said, they assume it happens to others but never to them
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
Who to blame for this mess is both of them. I think it was a consensual thing to do to get pregnant unless otherwise one resisted to doing it then its another situation who to blame. I am not a pro choice thing of a person when it comes to talking about pregnancy. There are many people out there who are yearning to have a child but cannot, if I would choose I would have the child and have it for adoption if you really would not want the child.
1 person likes this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
yes dear it was consensual to make love but now only the girls choice if she wants to abort or keep the innocent kid
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
It is because the boy seems to be not interested anymore with the baby. It's now the girl's turn to decide on the fate of the child. I just hope she would not abort it. It is so precious to keep a life that came from your own and not just throw it away.
1 person likes this
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
4 Sep 09
Whom Are You Talking About Sanjana .. Is this Girl You Or Someone Else .. Am Really Confused .. Can You Please Clear My Doubts ..
1 person likes this
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
4 Sep 09
What's About Pregnancy Sanjana .. Is it So Difficult to Achieve .. I Really Doubt .. We Are Living in Such A Modernized World .. Everything IS possible .. I Knew You Were Not 18 Years Old That Was The First Cause For Confusion ..
1 person likes this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
hi prashan .. i already spent lots of money for even IVF treatment, it just dont happen dear ...
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
hi prashan
i will be the happiest person if i was pregnant
2ndly i will be happy if i was back to 18 dear
you just follow the link, the girl posted a question on this and it cought my eyes
cheers
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Sep 09
In the end she has to do what she in her heart can live with. I found myself in that situation when I got pregnant with my youngest. I was nearly 40....single and already raising 3 children on my own. I was on the pill. He was not ready to settle down....wanted to travel with and focus on his local rock band. He wanted me to get an abortion. I gave it much thought and chose not to. I don't regret my choice at all. She is now 15 and has been such a beautiful and fun addition to our family. I can't even imagine our lives without her. Still the final choice is hers. She should not go forth with it just to please or hold on to her boyfriend. If it is not what she really really wants, then she will just be resentful towards him which is not a good way to begin a life together. 
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Sep 09
sanjana---aslam well I think that boyfriend has a damned lot'
of nerve as he is just going off and letting her stay on
'the hook. if he really loved her he would not get her pregnant if'eh was not ready for kids. shame onhim.maybe being in basic training
might make him grow up.She should not have an abortion, that is murder no matter how smug and self righteous her boyfriend may be. if they cannot keep it, adopt it out so someone else can love that poor baby.
1 person likes this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
hi cls ... its they should, not only one persons responsibility right ??
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
4 Sep 09
whatever the consequences it gives them, there is no way to abort the pregnancy. that is too much for the child and it is one of the worst things that they will do. if i where they, i will continue the pregnancy and wait till they are ready.
1 person likes this
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
Getting pregnant at an early age for me is a mistake for the simple reason that you are not ready yet. Having the baby aborted is even worse. When your boyfriend said that he was not ready, then he should have done the deed with the girl and the girl should not have agreed to it. The couple was not responsible in thinking of what might happen if they are not not taking birth control pills. I think the younger generation now should be very well educated about the birth control pills. Let us all be responsible of our actions, and be ready with the circumstances that might happen.
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
yes ... 18 years old is sometimes too young to hold a responsibility of a mother as you yourself still a child
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
not me not me
i am happily married and praying to god everyday to give us a baby, which is not happening yet
@jross19871 (239)
• United States
3 Sep 09
You are 18. While some may think you are ready to be a mother I totally disagree. I am sure I will get some flak for saying this, but you are not ready to have someone else's life in your hands.
I know 'responible and smart people get pregnant when the are young.' However, you and your bf/fiance have clearly showen you are not responsible nor are you ready for a child. Do you have a job? Are you sure you can support this child financially as well as emotionally? I think it would be best to wait until you are a bit older.
Sorry if this was too harsh, but I feel really strongly about this.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
4 Sep 09
sanjana_aslam,
I feel that her decision will need to be weighed.
All of us come from different family backgrounds and from there traditions, customs and economic situations are just individual and different.
How she decides will really have to depend on a lot of factors and there is just no point dwelling on whose fault it is for this pregnancy. It is just unfortunate that some people will have to learn life lessons the hard way.
I hope that we do not sit down and say with our prerogatives when there is just so much at stake and to consider. We may be pro-life, but who is to say she isn't. However, the question is can she? Will she have the support of her family members especially when her fiance has left her in the lurch?
You tell me!
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
4 Sep 09
well. that's really not responsibleful to pregnant under such age. even themselves need their parents' care and money how can they feed that baby if they want to have the new life?my opinion is never be pregnant if we have not stable work of income to afford for that. and enough saving also needed.
1 person likes this
@abbypringles (1613)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
It is really difficult for us to make that decision for her. She has to make it on her own, after all it involves their lives. It is easy for most of us to say she shouldn't do it due to moral issues, but you also need to consider about what the future holds for her and how she is able to nurture that baby until it grows up. I don't like the idea of the boyfriend suggesting though that she should have an abortion. There are also risks involved with the girl's health if she decides to do so. I guess the moral here is to think twice before entering a situation wherein you know you are not prepared to face the consequences of.
1 person likes this
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
hi sanjana,
that is a very common situation nowadays here in our country, of course they should be blamed on it. it's their choice and it's their happiness so better face the fact and don't ever think of aborting the baby, it's still a blessing.. so if the guy is not yet ready to face a father life, so better fly and get lost.. there's a lot of guy out there who can be a great father and can stand it.. it's just mean that he is not a good person and a father to be, he is immature of that problem.. so they need to solve it on their own decision..
janebeth.
1 person likes this
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
4 Sep 09
I feel a pity that if she needs to abortion . I love babies so i don't quite agree with abortion. However i think 18 is really too young to be a mother indeed . And it's no good to the baby when mother and father aren't ready to form a family.
