Do you think it's wrong to disown a family member?
@zoey7879 (3092)
Quincy, Illinois
September 5, 2009 2:16am CST
Long story short: When my mother was 2, her real mother abandoned her, ran off, and married a traditional Catholic man... her mother never told him that she had been married before and had given birth to 5 children... she later fathered 2 more daughters with her new husband.
I grew up, moved away from home, and on 2 occassions, have had to stay with my mother again. She showed a great deal favor to my sister.. providing her with new or lightly used vehicles, cash, designer clothes, and letting her run wild. My sister is too now grown, but the preferrential treatment still continues, despite that my sister and her boyfriend combined make well over $20/hour. Despite actually driving by my house several times a week, my mother never comes to see me. She lives miles outside of town, I'm mildly disabled and have no vehicle. There's no public transportation available here. On the paternal side, my daughter's family all live in Florida, Michigan, and Mexico. On my side, within 20 miles of me & the half aunts in California. All summer, my daughter begged to see her grandmother (my mother). It never happened... I found out that instead, my mother had been babysitting my niece 5 or 6 days a week so that my sister could work and have her weekends free. Asides from sending my daughter to school, I've not had a day away from her in over a year.
Recently, my mother, aunts & uncles contacted their half sisters and told them the story of what happened with their mother, and now my aunt is coming from over 1,600 miles away to visit. However, I realized that my mother had introduced my cousins and sister via Myspace and the phone and email to my aunt.. and totally overlooked me. I only learned of this visit from comments my aunt left on my mom's myspace & my sisters.
Well I think that I've had it. No one, literally, in the family makes due effort to stay in touch with me, and it's really hurt my 8 year old that her cousin is always with my mother, and yet my daughter hasn't seen her in a year... My mother didn't even come to visit for her birthday that she promised. I could go on with the differentials for hours. I'm seriously considering just disowning the whole lot of them.
Does anyone feel that I might be or am wrong in considering this action?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@AndrewFreyne (6281)
• United Kingdom
5 Sep 09
It sounds like you are in a very tough situation and I don't want to sound like I am passing judgement but it seems that they do not care much about your thoughts and feelings. I can certainly understand you thinking about the idea of disowning your family. I have lost touch with family members myself and it has been many years. I have always felt that they didn't have any time for me, I tried making contact to no avail. I think that you should follow your heart. I wouldn't make any hasty decisions just yet but I would perhaps seek more advice to make sure you know where you stand to the letter. You don't want any serious regrets later on. I wish you well in your situation, good luck. Andrew
@hotsummer (13837)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
it is so true. we should be careful in our decisions. i too have tried to stop having communications to my family. but since i still live in my home i still will have some sort of communications but they are working in other countries. i get to see them only when every christmas or when they decide to get back home for some months. and i am not looking forward everytime they would go back home. i would be happy if i can just live other place else but still i have my own responsibility here at home. and i don't want just to leave that responsibility behind me and i don't hate my whole family. it is just there are some issues in some member of the family. as we get older sometimes there will be some things we discover our family that we can't seem to agree with and will not want to stay with them because of that.
@Shebang (244)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
Hi zoey, I feel for you as well. At some point, my family experienced this one that you have. But I told my family not to be bothered. Before you feel any emotions right now, you have to remember that they are still your family. Despite their treatment to you, they're your blood. Even if they disown you, it does not mean you have to disown them. It will not be now, but soon, later, they will really look for you.
@ladyhope (377)
• Canada
8 Sep 09
I have to disagree...until what point can her family continue to hurt her? Because they are family, they should treat her better than anyone else. Being blood shouldn't mean she has to put up with getting hurt.
Zoey, whatever you choose will be hard, but at this point it is time to start thinking of yourself. A few years back I decided to cut contact with my father because he was a hurtful man. I don't regret my decision at all. If he ever comes around, and tries to be a good father, I will welcome him back. Not speaking to him is way easier than having to deal with him and his personality.
I wish you all the best with whatever you decide.
@Sir_bobby88 (8231)
• Singapore
5 Sep 09
Well that depends on how is the situation but sometimes you might be at wrong also yea.
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
5 Sep 09
I am sorry, this is such a sad situation for both you and your daughter. I wish that there was a magical way to fix the problem but there is not. People are what they are and generally they don't change. I am not sure if disowning is the thing to do because will you still be living in the same place and seeing and hearing about them all the time anyway? I know it is not always a popular thing to hear but have you considered counseling for you and for your daughter? I have had counseling for many years and its helped me to deal with my abusive family. Currently I live with my daughter and her three sons and we are in counseling with the children. It helps us to function in a more healthy manner. I do not think you are wrong to consider disowning your family. There must be so much pain you feel because of them. I wish you much goodness, you deserve it.
@JAYMAR777 (840)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
Hi zoey,
I sympathize with you, I just came from a seminar about emotional healing and restoration, and i think yours is a classic example of someone who needs to be in one of such seminars. The truth of the matter is that you really are hurt. An author by the name of Joyce Meyer once said, "There is nothing more hurtful than rejection" and that's exactly how you feel, and that is what happened to you and your daughter. The good news is there is hope and there is healing. Before you consider anything drastic pray to God first and ask for healing, Jesus is the most rejected person in history that is why he empathize your situation. He deals where you are hurt the most and he is able to heal you.
Your mom experience rejection. That is why she's like that. "Hurting people hurts people".
Mind you even if you disown your own, it would not change your situation or you.
You are accepted here zoey