I, my husband and my mother in law??

It's not just Asians that have meddling mother in laws, we Europeans do also. Hon, you're not going to be able to change the way your mother in law thinks, so don't even try to go that route. Just smile at her and listen politely to what she has to say, don't even bother saying anything back about it. Then continue on your way looking after your kids the way you do. I understand how you feel though because after we were married, my husband would often side with his mother and I would feel very hurt and left out. I even said to him that if we were all on the Titanic ship and it were sinking, that he would save his mother first, to which he replied that I'm being ridiculous, he'd save me. But yeah my mother in law when she came to visit us, rearranged all my drawers, kitchen cabinets, shelves, because she didn't like the way they were organized. Hello? Who asked her to do that, and I was perfectly happy the way they were. Today I won't let her do any of that. If she tried I tell her that I like my things the way they are but thanks for offering. Yes, they can be very aggravating can't they...

Mother-in-laws have always had the bad reputation of interfering in their sons/daugthers lives..lol..after all, they are not our mothers, therefore, how dare they tell us what to do..lol. I don't know if you will ever be able to change her, because it seems this has been a problem for thousands of years. The only thing you can try to do is be honest with her and your husband, in how hurt you feel when she tries to tell you how to raise the kids. Communication is always the best thing when something is bothering you. She may not even know what she is doing if you don't share the informaton. If, after talking with her, she doesn't try to step back, then unfortunately you will have to accept her as she is, for sake of your husband and family relationship. That is a cross we must carry in life...

hi riani , i am undergoing same situation you are lucy that ur husband sometime take ur side , my husband always favour my motherin law. they are elder to us so we cant say them much also

That's how our in-laws are in the Philippines, too. I myself had gone through a similar situation. That's the problem with living with your in-laws. My first three years of marriage was quite stormy, adding up to the adjustment was my relationship with my in-laws, who often times meddle with how I raise my kids, what I feed them and how I dress them. It's really difficult, but I just tried to be patient although there had been times that I can't help but snap at my ma in-law. It wasn't really easy. Later though, I found the courage to move out of their house. It's true I had a hard time with my finances, when it comes to the rent and the bills. But I had to stand my ground in order to maintain a good relationship with my in-laws without necessarily living under their roof. At first, my husband refused to move in with me, but after six months he later realized that we should stand on our own feet and not at all times depend on his parents. So, now here I am, living under my own roof, it's just rented, but well, at least we have been peaceful with God's grace.

Hello Riani, When you have a mother in law that is not care about you and your children, then that is the time you will blame that she is not caring at all! You may not like the way she bothers you so much in your way to raise your kids. But do remember, they are just a little different thinking, they don;t mean to hurt you or your kids. Mother in law bring up her children and included your hubs in her own way. That why now she think of using the HER OWN WAY to apply on the grand children! Remember, you are the mother of the kids, you play the main role bringing up the kids. If you say NO, no one can object you. If you really think your mother in law is doing something that is not okay for you, just stick back to your own way. My mother in law visit us very often. When she sees my kids are busy watching television at home, she will make noises and said it is no good for them to watch tv. So I keep quiet and just let her be. She will gives me lots of comments too and most of them I will not follow. But I just keep quiet. After she goes, we are there back to our own style.

It doesn't matter where you live, what country you are from , what language you speak, or what religion you practice. There is not a mother-in-law existence that does not criticize the way you raise your children. The majority of misunderstandings that have taken place in my household between my mother-in-law and myself have been over children. I am sure that mothers-in-law think they are helping you, but sometimes their help is a little hard to take. hang in there. Somebody day we will be somebody's mother-in-law too.

This happened to me also.... but you cannot change her attitude..... if she has formed an opinion about you she will continue to believe that you need guidance to raise your kids, whatever you do it will be less for her... try to just listen to her opinion and do what you feel right... no need to follow all her instructions....

If your mother help you take care of your kids, of course, she has the right to criticize what you do. If not, you don't need to care about her, it is your own business.

I think you're right that you could be a good mother . You could handle to look after and teach your kids by your own. Of course some good advice from your mother-in-law should be accepted because they sometimes did know more than you. You might talk to your husband and your mother-in-law about this . Luckily i don't have problems like you . My mother-in-law doesn't know how to nurse a baby at all although she raised 4 already . Therefore she would only look after my kid during my working time about 4 hours a day. I cook and feed my baby by my own and i can decide the way i want to teach . Good luck.

This is a classic case of Asian joint families. Sometimes you tend to think that elders are driving a wedge between you and your children. All said and done, what your mother-in-law says is correct. People like grand children better than their own children. That is for a reason. Children are a responsibility to parents and fun sometimes. While grandchildren are responsibility of children and whole time fun for grandparents. Who doesn't like fun with no strings attached? In-laws are checks and balances for a child's up bringing and so have a value. As for the husband, the poor guy is between a rock and a hard place. Been there and suffered that.

that is one area where disagreements abound between a daughter-in-law and her husband's mother. it is always good to live separately from any in-law. i have experienced that with my sister-in-laws too. we cannot avoid things like this to happen. exercise extreme patience until u find a way to solve the problem. God bless.

Mother-in-laws can't help meddling in our affairs. In their mind, it is still their job to raise your kids. Listen to her, nod and leave it be. You don't have to follow her every advice. Just respect her enough to hear her opinions. After all, she raised your husband and he turned out ok, right?

This is very good that u respect your mther in law, and i agree that she should not interfer in the way you treat your children, because you are a mother and you know hw to treat with your children. This is very unfair that your husband also stands for his mother, but you should not loose heart and keep on caring your children and respect your mother in law also.

The mother-in-law is sometimes the hardest thing a woman has to face when it comes to marraige. In your case, I think it best to tell your mother-in-law how you feel....if that is an option. I agree, leave your hubby out as much as possible, because that will only cause him to choose sides. If you relationship is good, try talking to her about how you feel and let her know that while you always appreciate her help and advice, you yourself were raised differently and would like to enforce some of these rules on your own children. Its hard with her underminding you all the time and encourage her to share helpful tips but not to judge or interfere. Its worth a shot if you have that type of relationship. Otherwise, you may just have to live and let live and just let her do her thing. Patience is one of the greatest gifts that God gave us. Good luck.