What do I say?
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
September 8, 2009 8:12pm CST
Has a friend of yours lost a loved one recently? Do you want to be there for them but don't know what to say? Many face this situation every day, some stay away and feel guilty afterwards, while others go to their friend but feel terrible because they can think of nothing to say. Down through the years some of us have faced that dilemma more times than we care to remember especially when tragedy strikes. A young person dies in an accident, a suicide, a murder, and many of us have seen them all. While it never gets any easier most people eventually come to realize one very important thing - it isn't what you say, it's the fact that you are there! some don't realize this until they lose a loved one themselves and than it strikes them like a thunderbolt. Having friends around you mean everything, you rarely remember what they said anyway. So go to be with your friend, be there by their side - that's what they will remember.
3 people like this
12 responses
@shaled444 (8)
• Saudi Arabia
10 Sep 09
actually we shall be with him untill he control his/her self and try to be with him completely..don,t let him to think that he/she is alone
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
9 Sep 09
I agree, the terrible pain of loosing someone close leaves you feeling so sad and even though you go through the motions expected at that time you are not really present. If you lost someone to illness, you know in your heart you would not wish them one more second of pain in this life. But the sadness remains and time is
the only thing that will help. Then one day something someone says or that you heard
before has meaning for you and this is when you really appreciate those who stood by you. Blessings
2 people like this
@neo_matrix (884)
• India
9 Sep 09
i completely agree with what you think.i usually found myself awkward in such situations but gradually i have realised its more important to be there by their side rather than deliver a gr8 situational speech.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
9 Sep 09
Hello dear Pose. I used to have a very good friend who passed away more than a decade ago. He left his wife a small boy of four or five. Life was so hard for a single mom. We friends tried our best to help his wife and his son. We still visited her and her child quite often when my wife and I were still working there, but since I left that place, ( I am so far away from my previous working unit now), I make phone calls to her to say hi to her and her family. My wife and I went back to our previous school to pay her a visit for twice ever since. Now she is happy that her son is at university and she is remarried to a good man as her husband. Thank you for the good discussion.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
8 Oct 09
Hello Pose. Thank you so much for the best response. I appreciate it very much. Happy posting.
@dedon4christ5 (6)
• Nigeria
9 Sep 09
Really I think this is a nice discussion, because I have really been in that condition but i didn't know what to say.
And later on I was ashamed.
So what can I do? The problem is that I'm a shy guy.
How can I start to be bold?
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
Hi dedon4christ, Thank you for commenting. I was also shy at one time but realized that when you face your fears, they will go away. Remember when you are in such a situation again, it's not what you say that matters, it's being there for support. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything, an embrace, a hug says it all. If your friends just see you there, it will help and they will remember. Blessings.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
9 Sep 09
Actually I have seen many situations like this. I myself try to respect all relations properly.But in my life, there was a so called friend who behaved at last badly with me.We were in lost contact since then. Still we are. he tried to contact me, i did not. It was tough for me to trust a cheater again. I have heard from other common friend that he said he understood my presence when I am no more in his friendship.
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
9 Sep 09
I definately will show up, though little to say. Just the presence is sometimes enough to warm the heart. A good listener is also contributing. More people in easy reach is so helpful and will be rembered for long. In such cases, the most terrible thing is being lonely to handle the formalities and endure the challenge.
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
9 Sep 09
You're right. When my dad passed away, I was annoyed if someone came and sorry they're sorry and so on. I don't need that. Besides, I hate that. It sound like they're pitying me. I don't want to be pity. I know some don't meant that way but it didn't change the hateful feeling. It's better if they came stay quietly by my side. That's all I need.
1 person likes this
@shuijiao66 (38)
• China
9 Sep 09
Say no word with a hug. At that time word can't change anything.But that staying with my friend give his or her accompany would show he/she is not alone.
1 person likes this
