How long do you keep your secret?
By SweetArt2009
@SweetArt2009 (42)
United States
September 10, 2009 12:57pm CST
I am in the situation hoping to find someone right for me. There have been time I have told my secret to men in my life and they would be scare and then avoid me and not want anything with me at all. Then give me the look as if I am the yuckiest stain on the clear glass there ever seen. I cannot get rid of the stain it permanent on me. I am use to my stain on me and been dealing with on my own. I have my days with it but i know what to do to care for it. ( im not going to say what it is exactly on here)
I told my best friends too but they know i will find someone regardless of what I have too. That the stain will be no big deal to the men I ever find in my life.
The question when do you tell your partner about it after marriage or before??? or do you tell them later after being honest with your partner for long while.
Do you think any secret like the stain you could have could get away without not telling it at all.
I could do with out saying it at all. but then it can be bothersome to me because my body fight with it hard everyday.
So do you tell ur secret or keep it lock up forever? My secret involve with health issues.
6 people like this
29 responses
@gossipzz (498)
• Canada
10 Sep 09
This would be a very sticky situation. It is hard when you don't know what the secret is. I would say if you are in a relationship,you need to tell your partner if it is something that can harm them. There should be no secret in a relationship because it might comeback to haunt you like you say it is doin. However if you tell and the relationship does not last then yeah it is outthere. I would tell if you enter a relationship and let the person decide if they will stay or not. Your past is your past. Happy lotting. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@Prizo34 (29)
• United States
10 Sep 09
I believe that some things are better kept a secret. Not every things has to be known unless you think that it is a need to know sbject. But if the secret is already out and there is a good chance that your other half wil find out, then you better put it on the table before they do. Heatlh issues are best if told to the other person if it puts them at risk or if it helps them better help you when you are unable to help yourself.
1 person likes this
@hottiebartender (14)
• Jamaica
16 Sep 09
Dear SweetArt, there are different stages of dating. Which means there is a time for everything. You cannot tell your secrets on the first date, second or etc. There is the intimacy stage of a relationship, this is when both of you feel comfortable being emotionally intimate with each other. I would not recommend you never telling them, relax, we all have skeletons in our closets. Also look at the plus side, it helps you to know who really loves you and loves you unconditionally. When you find that one do not let him go. Take care and remember you are special.
@EliteUser (3964)
• Australia
20 Sep 09
Hey,
Well I actually don't tell anyone my secrets, because no one on this earth can be trusted, not even your closest friends. So I don't tell anyone anything. But if a person would tell me their secrets, I wouldn't tell anyone at all. Make sure you have a good day, Happy Lotting!!
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
11 Sep 09
If your secret involves health issues, you may want to inform someone that you date before you decide to become intimate. In my opinion, if you are close enough to be intimate with someone, than you should be close enough to be completely honest, especially if the issue may effect the other individual.
As far as finding the right person, it will happen, in time. Just be patient, and in the meantime, take care of yourself and do what you can for your health.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Is your secret something that can affect the other person? If so, no question, be honest and upfront. You will find someone that will love you no matter what. Look at the places you are trying to meet someone. Is it at a local bar? Or is it at the library? Be patient, love does not happen quickly for most of us! Best of luck to you! And please, take care of yourself first and foremost!
@misisbau (317)
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
Hmmm. I think it will be best to keep it to yourself first. If you feel that you are with the right guy whom you think will understand and love you regardless of your health issues, then tell him. If you are planning to be in a commited relationship with anyone, it is best to let them know your health situation, for emergency and safety reasons. I think it is only fair.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
12 Sep 09
If your secret is something that would change his mind about being with you , then you should tell him just before it gets too serious. I mean it isn't neceassary to tell the guy on the first date .Btt if you see it getting serious then tell him. The man meant for you will take the news in his stride. He may not even care because he loves you. The problem is you never will know his reaction until you tell him. I wish you luck. There are good guys out there Be brave. Take care.
@xannebull (1793)
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
it depend upon the secret that i kept, but if it's too nasty to tell it to someone, then i would rather keep it all by myself or else i regret on telling it to them. i will put limitations to myself and there are times that you need things to keep it all by yourself and it's not too good to be open to someone whom you really don't trust.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
12 Sep 09
The worst thing you can do, is not tell at all. Eventually he will find out, and then he'll know you were hiding it from him the entire time.
The second worst thing you can do, is wait until marriage. So you marry a man and "oh by the way, I have this". Then he'll know you hid it just to marry. He'll likely divorce.
I would tell everyone up front. So yes that means most men will stay away. Better that, than to trick them into marriage and spring it on them afterwords.
@hagirl (1295)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Honestly if it is something that is making men leave you, You mize well be honest from the beginning when the time is right.(maybe after first or second date). Why put yourself out? You are obviously getting to know these people and have feelings about them and then when they find out your secret they go away. Don't let yourself get hurt. Is it really worth establishing feelings for someone and then they leave because they don't understand or get scared by secret. You definitely want to tell before marriage then you will not come off as being conspiring against them. Be Honest. If he is a good man and the right man they will no how to react.
@Quiplet (255)
• United States
12 Sep 09
Hi Sweet Art,
It would be wise to reveal your 'secret' but only at the correct moment. You must decide ahead of time how that will be revealed.
Maybe you could play a certain song, or write a poem first to let him know that you have concerns. Any man who loves you enough will love you for your goodness and smile, not any private issue. Furthermore, often times a young girl will believe her situation is unique and no one ever before had the same problem. Try to overcome this feeling and best of luck!
@de_angel97 (549)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
Hi there, it must be very hard for you to bear with all this emotion and dilemma. As someone said in the previous comment, secret is mean to be kept. If i have any secret regarding my past, i will just let it be, and there is nothing to talk about with the man I am going to marry. He should love me for who I am today, regardless who was 'me' from the past.
But, the secret you mentioned here is regarding your health issue. This issue is something you carry from the past, today and maybe in the future too. If you going to spend your whole life with someone you love, do you thing you have the right to know about his/her health condition? After all, the person that love you will just accept you for who you are (as mentioned by other mylotter members here), if the person you love can't accept the way you are, it will be better to end the pain sooner, rather than later.
One last opinion, if I can hide my secret very well, and there is no way for the person that I am going to marry know about it, and my secret got nothing to do with our marriage, then I will just keep it to myself. Wish you all the best, happiness and love.
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 09
hai..
for me, its batter to be honest with your partner from day 1..the longer you hide the truth from him/her the more it will effect your partner's trust later on..if he/she's the right one for you, he/she should able to accept you for what you are..no matter in good or worse ..if he/she cannot coupe with it,meaning that he/she is not the one who is meant for you, and no mater how many time you look at it, its best that you moved on..
bare in mind that you should never give up hope on finding your happiness..still, you can choose the option to hide the truth, but bare in mind that you will never achieve the true happiness with your partner (because of the guilt)
its a risk you should consider..and I'm not saying it's wrong to do so.. :)
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
11 Sep 09
I Can feel Your Pain .. Never Keep Anything Stuck To Your Mind Feel Free To Talk To others .. If somebody Bothers You Never Give Them A Second Look .. At Least this Is What I Do .. Feel Confident About Yourself .. Never Feel Down Physically Or Mentally .. I Hope I Have answered You .. Thank You ..
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
sorry to hear about what you've been through...
if it bothers me all the time, i would definitely tell the person i am with about it. If he will not accept me for that even if it hurts (i know it will) i will just let go of the guy. surely, i can find someone out there who will accept me for who i am and what i have been, what i am at the moment, and whatever i have in my body.
to me there are some secrets that are better keep at that, secrets, and not to be forever told. but if it is something that bothers me i will just have to tell it, so my conscience will be clear.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
11 Sep 09
everyone always has a secret in his life. And every person has right to secrecy, even their spouse. As long as I still considers do not have to tell it, why me must tell it ? I will keep my secret
@genius_zelda (130)
• Indonesia
11 Sep 09
hi sweetart,
well let stop thinking about keeping the secret or not. Why dont you start to think that whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, you can not keep a secret forever. Trust me, there are already people around you that know what happened about you, and there is a chance even if it just 1% that they will spit it out to the man that you concealed your stain.
so why don't you just saying the true to the man right after you two start dating. If he rejects you than you are lucky that you already eliminate one man that not really loves you, that not really suitable for you. Just let those fled man as your effort to find the perfect one.
when you found someone that still loves you no matter what your stain is than congratz you found the perfect one. I do have some health issues but it wont stop me to found my suitable piece of my heart. Trust me you will eventually found that right man:) Wish you ALL........... the best :)
@jenlex79 (256)
• United States
11 Sep 09
You should always be up front with people because no matter what happens, your secret will surface at some point in time. Ask yourself this question, will it hurt more if someone leaves you before you fall in love or after you fall in love? I have issues of my own and I've learned to get it out from the begining. The earlier the better. If someone dosen't like you from the start then you just move on. They should accept you for who you are and if they really want to be with you they would be able to handle the good and the bad.
