Bipolar disorders and life

Tweet

I have not been on here in quite awhile... I guess I go through these phases where I am on here every day if not several times a day... To were I disappear for awhile... Why write about Bipolar? Well I have been diagnoses with it.. Yes its been a couple years since I found this out... But knowing you have Bipolar versus understanding yourself and how it effects you is two totally different things... My aunt did a lot of research on the subject, and finally I was not so bull headed and started reading some of the sites... Come to find out that it was very true... I found myself nodding to the computer screen; yes i have felt that way before, or ya that what goes on a lot... Here is one of the sites that I was looking at called Bipolar Disorders; Signs, Symptoms and Treatments of Manic Depression... http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm A person with a bipolar disorder has a chemical unbalance... Yes it can be fixed with medication, but that is not always the best form of treatment... And well in my personal opinion it just hides the problem instead of curing the problem... well I guess it can be consider a problem or just a different characteristic in a person.. Why do I say that? Well there are many that well say that those people are just crazy, or hard to deal with.. Labeling them before even getting to know the person; judging a book by its cover without reading the first page... Yes that is discrimination!!! But hearing that from someone that is quote crazy doesn't mean a thing... There have been times where I have applied for jobs, everything was a go until they met me in person... Yes I could have sued... granted wouldn't have to worry about money for a little bit... But whats the point? In the end the money will be all used up... and future employers would be scared to hire or fire me... I think that a lot of people spend more time judging a person from the outside then taking the time to get to know who the person is, and how they function... I am a great worker... Have obstacles; just like everyone else... just mine are different... Granted you can not see the insides of my brain to see that well ya its something chemical.. She just does things differently.. But not CRAZY... Whats the purpose of this discussion?? Thats easy... UNDERSTANDING... I have found a way to deal with this obstacle in my life... Well let me explain it a little bit better... Have you ever been on a roller coaster before?? Well you can say someone with a Bipolar disorder has an emotional roller coaster ride; that never quits... depending on the severity of the individual will determine how fast or slow the ups and downs come... It could be moment by moment... or different times of the day... or week.. month or season... For me personally it effects my thought process.. When someone is talking to me, I will add or subtract things from the conversation... This is very difficult for my loved ones to have a "normal conversation" with me... I am learning different strategies to overcome this.. Repeating what one has said, in my own words... and if the message was misunderstood, they would correct it... Most of the time that works... But I still have a tendency of adding and subtracting later, within my thought process.... This can be so FRUSTRATING for both the other person, and myself!!! Its hard to accept the fact that my mind is "playing tricks" on me... that's just the simple way I put it, right or wrong.. who knows its just the way I FEEL... Do you have any idea what it is like to have a thought that seems so REAL, to find out later, it was just something made up... what that does to someone's self image... well lets just say it creates doubt... among other things!! Questioning every thought that goes through my mind; real or made up??? having to rely on someone else to help make sense of it all... sounding crazy to others but thinking your completely normal... ya thats sounds nuts... oh well... guess this is just one of those "real discussion" versus some of the fake discussions that I have read in the past... You may be reading this and thinking to yourself; this person is really nuts! no I am not.. I lead a some what normal life... just have my spells... or what ever you what to call them... Right now I am rather frustrated!! Why?? Another symptom that I deal with is rapid thoughts that race through my mind... making it difficult to sleep at night or even during the day... when ever... Lack of sleep makes it hard for anyone to get through the day... So I came up with a solution with my aunt... When I have these thoughts I will just call her up and what we call "ramble" for a little bit to just verbalize the thoughts.. They tend to go away once that happens... Why do I need to talk to a person versus the walls or writing them down?? At that moment, these thoughts are REAL within in my MIND... worries of what happen worries to come and point blank things that are left field... Granted it may not be the easiest thing in the world to listen too; I really really try to control these emotions on my own.. my son was gone for three weeks this pass July... I quit talking to everyone... about what was going on... I wanted to see if i could handle it on my own... well it didnt work... it actually made things ten times worst...and that is not adding more too it, it was really hard... Through me into a deep depression, and I wanted to start drinking.... Something not recommended for people with bipolar disorders; it makes the lows lower... Worthlessness, emptiness, longing of death... wonder though my mind in those short weeks... But it was something that I had to learn on my own..always been stubborn!! I just hope people learn to understand what bipolar is all about... Look inside the book before judging... there are ways to get through life without meds... and no people with a bipolar disorder are not crazy... there are just thoughts that get mixed up, not because they want it that way... ME PERSONALLY; I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ALL OF THE CHEMICALS BALANCED!! THEN PEOPLE WOULD ACCEPT ME FOR ME!! AND NOT CONDEMN ME FOR THOUGHTS THAT I CAN NOT CONTROL!! LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH SIMPLER THEN!! LESS LIKELY TO SECOND GUESS EVERYTHING I SAY AND DO... LESS LIKELY TO SECOND GUESS WHAT OTHERS ARE TRYING TO DO!!! Understanding is the key... and well with some that is just a dream that may never come true... If you have bipolar and you have any suggestions on how to get through those rough days, can you help? Or if you know someone that has bipolar, and you know of cooping skills, or other insight please comment!!! Thank you in advance