Adults are liars. Is that right?
By ashbelx
@ashbelx (92)
Philippines
September 12, 2009 9:25pm CST
I had a very interesting talk with my daughter and her best friend last night. They are both 9 years old. Their question was a weighty one and it really gave me a pause.
why do adults teach not to lie but lie most of the time?
My daughter's best friend started the conversation and I felt it my duty as an adult to answer her. she told me that her parents are very strict about honesty but they are not too honest themselves. One time, her mother called in sick and did not come to work when in fact she had visitors and they played mahjong. when she pointed that out to her mother, she got angry and said it was just a "white lie".
I was very tired one time and my son asked me to boil some eggs ( which is his favorite daily snack)but I told him that eating boiled eggs everyday would blow him up like a balloon. I wasn't aware that my daughter took special interest on my statement until last night when she reminded me of it and of other things I've told them that she said didn't sound true to her.
Right now I'm treading on a thin line.lol!.Do you have same experiences with me? How do you explain to a 9 year old child what is a white lie and why do we have to use white lie sometimes? Thank you. hope to hear from you.
1 person likes this
16 responses
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
To be honest your daughter and her friend are right. If you come to think of it,us as adults always tell them not to lie and always be honest but us,ourselves are lying almost most of the time.
I think that you should explain to your daughter that sometimes lying isn't that bad if you are lying for a good cause but if you are lying just to cover up something bad or just because you don't want to go to work then that is something that shouldn't be done.
Having conversations with children is really fun and interesting because they are still young and their minds are not yet polluted by the bad society we're living in. Childrens minds are the purest minds you'll ever see and if you want some honest answers to your questions, the children are the best ones to talk to. Why? Because children will tell you straight what their opinion is unlike adults whom will just complicate the conversation because they're already exposed to different kinds of societies with different point of views.
Hope this helped you.:)
@Graceekwenx (3160)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
True. Conversations with kids are so much fun. If you ask their opinion about one thing, they will speak it as they see it with no cares on the world.
@ashbelx (92)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
Very true.
but know what? I'ts not easy to explain to children why adults have to lie sometimes. I told them that there are times when adults have to lie to avoid hurting other people's feelings. But my daughter's best friend answered me that she lies too so she won't hurt her mother's feelings. But still her mom told her lying is bad. hehehe..adults can be confusing sometimes.Now, i have to be careful with my daughter. she's grown more and more curious and reflective. Guess it's something to be proud of.Is it?
1 person likes this
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
Yes, ofcourse be proud that your daughter is aware of what's going on around her. I think that your daughter is a very bright child and you're very lucky to have her. Although I think you better start thinking now of what more possible questions she might ask you in the future so you won't be stunned.hehe
@softballmom (1)
• United States
13 Sep 09
Well, let me throw in my two cents worth. My husband and I let Santa bring gifts on Christmas morning. Once my daughter found out the truth, she said herself that she feels we lied to her all these years. She was upset and stated that she wished we would have just told her the truth to begin with.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
13 Sep 09
Not all kids feel that way. Besides, if that's the reaction they have, I know just what to say. Adults and parents basically create a life that is safe, comfortable, and as fair as possible for children. We share, perpetuate, and support things that may be fantasy - santa claus, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy. These are things that maybe we grew up with - or wish we grew up with. They create wonder and fun and enjoyment for our kids when they are small. As they get older and realize it was just their parents the whole time, they should not be angry and upset. It is not a lie - it is part of the 'magic' of childhood - to make it larger than life. That is the only innocent time we have in our lives, once you know the truth, it is spoiled, and it no longer exists. You can't go back... that's in essence like people who think they can just forget things you hear or forget things you have discovered the truth about. You don't forget - and you can't really go back. I think that's why some parents are so protective and do not want other people to ruin their kids' childhood beliefs. I know I want my daughter to come to her own conclusions by herself, not at the hand of some 'well meaning' yet stupid adult who just wants to spoil her fun.
@ashbelx (92)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
hahaha! Children. They can be so amazing and exasperating at the same time. fact is, most of the time they know better than us adults. yeah, if you come to think of it, we could have been honest with them about santa. My children found out the truth about santa at church. they asked our pastor and our pastor can't lie. So he explain to them the truth about santa. That was one less good point for me.
@eichen (19)
• Philippines
14 Sep 09
Hi there! I have 4 kids, ages 13, 12, 11 and a 9 month old baby girl. The 3 older kids are boys. I believe that it will harder if you have 3 sons with those ages nowadays specially they are exploring and staying sometimes out playing with their peers. And they usually hear things that we parents would want them to avoid, lying. But it is also true that lying has been happening almost daily at home, school, work, etc. They said we cannot avoid it if we have valid reasons, but then again, it still a LIE...
With this situation, I believe that if a child will sense or witness that an adult, specially their parents lying, they will just need to explain why they made it... Not to justify what they have done but please see to it that it won't happen again or at least it won't happen that the kids will witness an adult lying. With this, the respect will still remain with their parents... Coz again as parents, there are no school or course to be good parents... most of the time, we tend to learn from our children as well... we will just need to be careful next time and be consistent... Cheers!
@stevelvis (394)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
As much as possible, it is still better that we parents do what we teach. I agree that sometimes white lies can't be avoided when we need to make things better for our current situation. Dealing with youngsters who are on the stage of building a healthy moral foundation, we should focus on teaching them to always tell the truth. That way they can always open up what's on their mind whether it's right or wrong. Remember, children are not yet capable of making judgments for themselves when it comes to morality, so exposing them to while lies in a very early stage will limit them to tell the truth and make white lies to get what they want. This limit us parents to detect what needed to be corrected or explained because children are not telling the whole truth.
If you should lie, best way is not to let them know about it. If you have done so, explain to them that it is your fault. We parents should also admit when we are wrong to our children so they can prove that generally lying is indeed wrong.
White lies can be explained at the right age when they are old enough to understand why we need to lie to avoid something.
@ashbelx (92)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
I remember an old saying: " Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
Yes, white lies can't be avoided sometimes but when the children are involve, the consequences are minor compared to the distortions and confusions and complications that result from the untruth.I think this is something that parents should bear in mind when they tell white lies to their children. Like the story of santa. It is easy to fabricate stories but when children began to comprehend the truth, it would be difficult to defend yourself.
@marlonjohn_varon (33)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
I don't know about this but here is my personal opinion.. yeah most adults lie... some say it's just a white lie but in a sense, It's still a LIE..
Children are very honest because they are young and innocent while adults tend to hide some real things, and just lie about it..
Lying i think is a daily (observed) behavior by adults this days.. At home, at work.. everywhere..
But lies can be graded by their impact, from good to worst..
so just limit your lying and try to reveal yourself.. ^_^
@ashbelx (92)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
That is true. I don't know why it seems a lot easier to hide the truth than being honest. I think the older we get the better we are at lying. The world today seems to evolve in lies. from our government officials down to our church leaders. they lie too. If we don't retain some of the values taught to us by our elders, then we have nothing left to impart to our children. I think honesty needs regular practice. If we practice to tell the truth more often, it would get into our system.
@thhoon72 (1009)
• Singapore
13 Sep 09
Hello there, you got a very interesting topic here. To tell you the truth, I am very much guilty myself.....lol. Indeed, even my 6 years old daughter is able to point me out when I was telling a white lie. Various examples like reporting sick so as to go to a sales/spa, giving stupid excuses to discourage them do/eat certain things, etc....I also have a really really hard time explaining the difference between a harmless white lie and a true lie. I told them that sometimes it is ok to tell a lie to make someone feel better or not sad. When I came across examples while watching TV, I will use them to explain to them. But of cos, I got to be careful when selecting those examples from the TV. Cheers =))
@ashbelx (92)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
Thanks!
really, children are more difficult to talk with than adults. Not because they are being difficult but because we can't fool them. Really! They can ask questions out of their questions and can make answering their questions very difficult. But it's fun. Talking to them last night was very very fun.Thanks for your response.
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
hello ashbelt,
it's not really easy to be a parent. more so when the kids keep on asking some questions and we don't know what and how to answer them. sometimes, we need to make a lie or what we call "white lie". we need to do that sometimes so they will stop from asking anymore. sometimes we are doing that, so not to make some thing worst. to cover up something.
but we need to make sure that we should not be caught that we are lying or they will not believe us anymore. that they will do that to us and find it hard to believe. for kids don't lie.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
13 Sep 09
Kids nowadays are smart and they know what is right and what is wrong. In a metaphor way, they know how to differentiate black and white. If I were in your place, I'll answer it as it is and won't defend adults, if you may.
I'll tell her that sometimes parents lie because they have to and they are not supposed to do that. And teach her the meaning of forgiveness because even parents/adults do make mistakes..
@Tantrums (945)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
How to explain white lies to tots? hmm, that's easy, telling white lies is okay as long as you're protecting yourself, and as long as it won't endanger or damge anyone's interest... but explaining this sentence to them kids would be quite problematic...
@darkstormy1 (264)
• United States
13 Sep 09
On a whole people have trouble with lying not all but more than not. In more cases than not they tell themselves they are white lies or not lying at all who knows if that gives them comfort and they can live with that who am I to say. I know for me and what I have tried to instill in my kids is it is really never ok to lie I know for me I try and tell the truth and should there be something I do not want to answer I do plead the 5th I know it sounds funny but we all have choices to make to lie or maybe just omit.
Making it clear you are omitting is not the same as keeping it from them it is giving them the option to take whatever it is from it but telling an untruth makes them doubt each and every word that should come out of your mouth. I always believed that there are very few things in our lives that no one but ourselves can take away and our honor and word are some of those.
@dbabcook (388)
• United States
13 Sep 09
I know that a lie is a lie, but I guess in my opinion a "white lie" is a bit different as in most cases a white lie isn't going to be harmful to anyone involved where regular lies have and can cause harm to one or more of the individuals it is involving. I guess that may be a way of explaining it, but I am sure others will have different views on this subject. Have a great day and good luck.
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
13 Sep 09
Hello 
I think it is best to be honest, I say this because I have told my daughter a lie when she was younger and she still reminds of it till this day, I think when a parent lies to them it does something to them, I did not mean to lie I told her I was going to pick her up and I didn't make it, she will never let me forget that, although your daughter is still young sounds to me she is very special so you have to be extra careful with what you say to her or around her, keep up the good job mom, you have a real
gem on your hands 
Oh did I forget to mention the fact that my daughter is now 26 years old, ummhmmm, so could you imagine,
I think it is best to be honest, I say this because I have told my daughter a lie when she was younger and she still reminds of it till this day, I think when a parent lies to them it does something to them, I did not mean to lie I told her I was going to pick her up and I didn't make it, she will never let me forget that, although your daughter is still young sounds to me she is very special so you have to be extra careful with what you say to her or around her, keep up the good job mom, you have a real
gem on your hands
Oh did I forget to mention the fact that my daughter is now 26 years old, ummhmmm, so could you imagine, 
@resssaaa (445)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
I don't have a child yet but I have younger siblings and yes they do point out that reason to me and those who are older than them all the time. Apparently they don't really understand the meaning of a white lie no matter how you would explain it because technically it is really considered a lie. lol :)
@thhoon72 (1009)
• Singapore
13 Sep 09
Hello there, you got a very interesting topic here. To tell you the truth, I am very much guilty myself.....lol. Indeed, even my 6 years old daughter is able to point me out when I was telling a white lie. Various examples like reporting sick so as to go to a sales/spa, giving stupid excuses to discourage them do/eat certain things, etc....I also have a really really hard time explaining the difference between a harmless white lie and a true lie. I told them that sometimes it is ok to tell a lie to make someone feel better or not sad. When I came across examples while watching TV, I will use them to explain to them. But of cos, I got to be careful when selecting those examples from the TV. Cheers =))
@Graceekwenx (3160)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
i dont have a kid yet but i sure do hope i can still qualify to answer your question because i do tell white lies myself. And i dont think that not all adults are liars. I have reason for telling a lie though. 1. I dont want to hurt others' feelings. 2. the real reason may not be acceptable to those concerned. 3. It is the easiest way to get out.
They say that the truth would set us free. This is so true. It is so hard to tell a white lie to consider that you even to fabricate a story or something. What makes it even worse is that you have to come up with another story that would support your white lie. Haay.... Whereas if you tell the truth, it would be so simple.
