Why should I not expect from you?

hi dpk, honestly i am not expecting something in return after helping them.. promise i really don't, i am helping them because i want to help them and not that i want some return from them.. but if they still think to gave me something or do things in return because they want to thank me, well, i am pleased of it and i am feeling happy because at least they tried to make me happy and being special to their hearts.. i don't also expect more because the more i do, the more it's very hurtful on my side for expecting too much of it, it's upon on the person itself, if they are broad-minded, of course they will do the exact thing to do, and that is giving thank to the person who helped them or guide them.. janebeth.

It all depends on the relationship I have with the person, The only thing I expect from strangers is curiosity.From my friends I except respect and true friendship.I mean if they Have to tell me something painful,they would as gently as they could.From family,I expect love and respect. I am lucky , very lucky my sister and I like each other.From a lover,I expect love and understanding,and respect. if any of the three disappear,then tell me so we can part. What I don't expect ? I don't expect any of these relationships to become the game of " I did that for you so you Have to do this for me."When I do a favor,I do it because I wanted to.Not to get one upon somebody.And when someone does me afavor,I thank themand try my best to return the favor.

Hi Deepak, Its so nice to have a discussion from you after such a long time. Personally, I never expect any return favour from anybody. You see, my point of view is that nobody in this world is indispensable. So if somebody is asking for some help and I have refused for whatever reason, that person will get that help from somebody else. Its not that my helping alone could have saved that person…so whether I decide to help or not is absolutely my own discretion. Once I decide to help a person its because I myself have decided to do so, there is no compulsion…so how can I expect a return for something which i have willingly done. And then you are correct, if there is expectation and its not fulfilled, it leaved a really bad taste in the mouth. I would really avoid it at all cost and also this bad feeling somehow takes away the pure joy of helping somebody.

You shouldnt expect me to be disrespectful and unkind to people .You shouldnt expect me to use others and not be remorseful.I am the kind of person who likes to do things for others and I expect that persons will treat me the way I treat others

The only thing I expect is respect at all times and I will not accept otherwise. Everyone should have it and everyone should give it.

Hi deepak, when I read the matter, I too felt, what is wrong with expecting? Even god expects that we trust him for what we receive, and do his biding. Having said that - there is genuine joy in not expecting. I mean u give a rupee to the beggar, and walk away, u expect somebody else (god), and not the beggar will be good to u someday! So effectively, it is all in a circle. Whether u expect or not, u do a good u will it, may be from him or from somebody else. U do bad, u will get it, whether from him or somebody else. That I think is the gist of expecting and not expecting. In simple words, dont expect from the person whom u give, u will get higher returns from god the rich. At least, that is the way I look at it. If that person returns the favor, fine, even that is ok. But if he doesnt, well, god is adding interest on it, and will be giving it to me sooner or later.

Deepak, In my view, the subject of expectation is individualistice and would vary from one person to another. From my point of view, i can say that i do things or favours from the point of view of trying to help. I try conciously not to expect anything in return. This is an attitude, i've learnt through my experiences and also from my peers and friends. I've been helped in many ways and what the people who have helped have made me understand is not to look at it from something to do in return, but to pass it on. If I need help or a favour, i ask, but do not keep it in mind that i did this or that and so expect the same in return. There's a joy in helping and doing favours, expecting nothing in return. Always expect something in return and there will be disappointments and misunderstandings in friendship and relationships.

Hi Deepak! This discussion is similar to the one you started afew months back regarding sending greeting cards irrespective of reciprocity.I think you gave me the BR for that;must check I am not too sure. Coming to this discussion.I was very open minded and carefree till some few years back DEEPAK.I would always say and behave honestly thta I have no expectations from anyone by way of reciprocity.If it is some friendly voluntary gesture on my part I would go on and on without expectations.But people do not really care for it and are pretty callous in reciprocity.At times they also belittle our efforts by saying that we have no other work to do and so we remember to show all these gestures.Now , this is something that has woken me up.We are human . we would get hurt in the face of such callousness. So,. as I had written to you in my other response, I make some gesture with NO expectation in mind and after mentally preparing myself that I do not need any reciprocity and that I am entering this with 'nil' expectations. THen I do something that is well within my means and without overstretching myself.STILL my son keeps telling em that my selfpreservation instinct is low for a woman. However, I try and limit my action so that this question of disappointment within expectations should not rise.I do not expect from people, but I do not overstretch myself. THe maximum I can do is think from another person's point of view and show empathy.But I believe,it is better to be without expectations for which we should not overstretch ourselves .We are all ordinary beings and not some Gandhi, Buddha or Jesus Christ.

I would like to say that I do not expect any favours in return but somewhere at the back of my mind there is always the thought that since I have done something for him/ her I would also want something back in return when the time came. It may be a phone call, an sms, an email, or anything else.

Honestly speaking, i do expect people to return the favor i did to them. I do know that we shouldn't but i think it is just human nature to feel that way. Though, i believe in pay it forward. I do expect them to still return the favor but not necessarily to me. But who will not be happy to receive back a favor you have done to others. Yet, it is better not to be very eager to get the favor back. I mean, if they return the favor good but if they did not then we should be happy too, at least we have helped them in any way or in the best way we can.

Hi Deepak, This is a very thought provoking discussion. I too have always tried to analyse this aspect of our behavior. I feel that it is ot possible for us not to have any expectations at all from others. It is humanely impossible. But it can vary in degrees. Some people might have too many expectations some not so much etc; If we take the case of a family, there is bound to be some expectations from each other between the couple and by the children, and in the later years from the parents from their children.It also extends to the other family members. It happens between close friends too. As long as these expectations are mutual and not too demanding I guess it is natural and to be certain extent brings in more closeness to the relationship. When people overstep and stsrt demanding it can lead to unhappiness and frustration..

Hello Deepak :) This is a very interesting topic, and makes me reach deeply into my mind to respond. I used to have very high expectations, both of others and of myself. I think perhaps it is the unreasonable expectations that are apt to lead to great disappointment. What I do expect, still, and think we have a right to expect such, is to be treated with respect and compassion. That shall never change. I also "expect" the same of myself, as to how I should treat others. Stopping the unreasonable expectations I had as a young woman has led to more peace of mind and understanding of others, though. Each person can only do his or her best...and beyond that, we've no right to expect more. Best regards, Karen

I was always a balance the scales person. Do back in kind for what was done for you. However I have learned that people do not always agree on the value of action. The perfect example I was helped by someone so I sent a company thank you. What I didn't realize was the person was more touched by the action and send me back a thank you. I had also seen where one person help the other the person helped did not think they were helped much. Therefor they did not respond like the helper though they should. So I now just go with the flow and try not to think to much about it.

Its not at all wrong about expecting something from others but the problem is If they don't give you what you expect of them then you will be disappointed and disturbed. Let me give you an example.You have a good friend and you send messages to him daily and he also sends you the msgs daily and everything is smooth for some days.But later on something happened and he stopped sending msgs to you or even calling you but you are expecting him to send msgs and calling you because you are doing that.But your friend may have genuine reasons for not calling you like he may be busy or he might have disturbed with some issues but let me say this as long as you are expecting something from others you will not think properly.You will always think that they are neglecting you and might quarrel with them but you would never want to listen their reasons.Eventhough you listen to them you think that they are making up the story.I am telling this out of experience.I have experienced so much pain while expecting something from my friends and I have learnt my lesson.So you don't do the same mistake.. All the best

'Expecting' from others is not wrong. But like you said in your post 'not expecting' saves us from heartburn later. From my experience, I have realized that not expecting helps me to at peace with myself. Even when favours are not returned, I do not bother. My father has always taught me not to do anything expecting something in return but there were times when I did expect something in return (in my heart of hearts). But then it only lead to disappointment for me. And now I know better. I really do not expect anything from anyone when I do something from them. If I expect something, I tell them directly (or ask for it)...and do not mind if they refuse as long as it is done in a nice way.

For peace of mind and joy in living, our relationships with each other must be good. This however, is becoming more and more difficult these days. We often form relationships based on unreal expectations of another person. Then when that person shows some kind of weakness, we feel as though they have betrayed us by not being what we expect them to be. We hope to find someone with all the answers, someone we can rely on and take strength from, so we endow them with qualities they do not have. And then we get angry when they let us down. Often, we become friends because they seem to have the qualities we lack. They have something that might make us more complete - happier. Even though we may not be aware of it, this is a friendship based on taking and not giving because until we have everything we need, we cannot give. Unless we can relate well to topics discussed we might not be able to give our earnest support to our friends. You cannot give from an empty bowl. Once we have this understanding, friendships can become more effective or at least we learn to get along with others and don't have high expectations from people we call friends.

Hi Dpk Hope you must be doing well, Well, to be honest, i used to expect some time ago, but not any more. Now i dont expect anything from anyone, but sure if some one do me a favour, i try my level best to return favor at some time. and other thing, wee are taking it as general discussioon Ok Take care

I think that expecting things out of people is one thing, and doing something for someone without expecting anything in return is better. The latter is better for everyone, it's more honest, and it does help with attitude... Not many people do that though, it's hard not to expect something in return with the world as greedy as it is. Though I think we should give more then take... we're a long way from doing something globally about it.

Hello my friend dpk262006 Ji, The whole world encircles around 'expectations'. No one is exempted from them. may be any sage or common men. Even here, I expect that my discussion would be well -responded. Mother expects something in return from child. I also expected from you that you would my train, I keenly waited till last after my train left. But, if expectation become high, then there will be some dis-satisfaction and people become gloomy. People feel very bad. Let's do out duty without any expectations. happy Dewali. May God bless You an dhave a great time.

hi dpk, I am sharing my personal views with u. Whenever I expect something from others whether it be my husband, my son or my relatives, I seldom get it and then I keep on thinking about it and I become frustrated. Now, at the age of fifty, I think, I hv become wiser and I do not expect anything from anybody.