Any regrets?
By Juli_angel
@Juli_angel (1063)
Israel
September 18, 2009 11:10am CST
I used to have a childhood friend with whom I kept in touch only out of shared history. she was very miserable, and tried her best to make me feel bad, to make herself feel better.
she told my secrets to hurt me, and smiled as she told me of others' reactions. she tried to make me fight with my best friend, at the same time she said how much she loved me and how she'd never hurt me.
even though we barely spoke, I recently decided to cut her out of my life forever, and I can't tell how relieved I am now.
I do not regret my decision, not for a moment.
did this ever happen to you? or did you regret a friendship that ended?
6 responses
@much2say (56184)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Sep 09
I had a childhood friend and we became best friends from our early teen years. We were best friends up until our mid 20's. She always caused trouble for herself - and the problems just got continually worse throughout the years. She would dump all her problems on to me, and then wouldn't do anything about fixing her issues even though she asked me for advice. This girl was a walking stress ball - and she rolled over on everyone. I wasted my one last breath, and then ended the friendship for the sake of my sanity. It was a like a huge boulder was lifted off my shoulders . . . I never had regrets - it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
On that note, after 15 years, this friend found me on Facebook this year. I debated whether to reconnect with her or not, but I ended up doing so, just to be "civil". Seems we both have moved on with our lives, but even she will admit she still has major problems . . . but this time she knows not to bother me with it. So we're just "nice" on Facebook, but I don't think I'd ever want to get together with her on a personal basis ever again.
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
18 Sep 09
I hope my (ex) friend will grow up and realize how stupid she's acting.
thanks for the comment- it's good to know others felt the same relief I did :D
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
19 Sep 09
the truth is, I really can't see my friend ever growing out of it. I do wish her the best, even if we're not friends anymore.
@much2say (56184)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Sep 09
I think we hope for the best for our friends . . . but yah, sometimes they will never grow out of their issues, unfortunately. Apparently my friend says she's still going through crap, just in different areas of her life. I never asked her the details - because I don't want to know or get involved. Thank you too . . . because now I know I'm not the only way who feels good about ending a friendship (for the better)!
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 09
hai juli_angel,
back when I'm in college there's this friend who's a friend of mine..we didn't talk much but she's kind of like me...at first, I didn't bother much and i kept sending her signs that I'm not interested...but things getting worse and finally i said something to hurt her feeling (which is intentionally) though I didn't hate her..i guess its for the best that she hates me now rather that keeps hoping for something which i consider as impossible to happen...
never regret doing so :)
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 09
yeah...but I just didn't want her to suffer more, and I do know how it's feel when you are super optimistic towards somebody that you like...Its not like I done it with out thinking..its cruel and never been easy decision to make, yet somebody had to do it... :)
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
19 Sep 09
sometimes it just has to be done, for the better of the other person.
@LadyWinter (195)
• United States
19 Sep 09
I have had a best friend since 1st grade. We have grown apart considerably as adults. We spend time together but I dont think its very healthy. She is very competitive and will put me down if it makes her look better.
I think at some point you have to ask yourself...is this person really my friend? If I just met her would I want to be her friend? Sometimes we hold on to what we know because it feels safe or reassuring and not because it is the best for us.
When you get older and have only a certain amount of time to spend with friends because your schedule is hectic....you need to decide who to spend your time and invest your self with. I pick the friend who if I was in jail would be sitting next to me saying....OUr husbands are gonna be MAAAAADDDDDD...lol
Good luck!
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
19 Sep 09
hey LadyWinter! thanks for the response.
there's nothing to do with people like that, that make themselves feel and look better on the expense of their friends. the best thing to do is cut them out as soon as you realize how bed they are for you.
@mohinimandokhot (184)
• India
19 Sep 09
I understand what you have gone through. I have also had friends who have tried to turn me against others. I had this friend who wanted my friendship exclusively for herself. She tried her best to keep me away from others, whereas she had a host of friends good and bad. I slowly withdrew from her friendship and now all that we say to one another is only 'Hello'. Everyone need not necessarily be our friend and we cannot please everybody
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
19 Sep 09
wow.. it seems more people had those 'friends'. I hope you don't regret letting her go.
@duane_madriaga (12)
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
so sad. the one you think is trust-worthy she's not.
actually, am experiencing it right now... we're five in a group, 3 have kids and i'm one of those and other two were still single. I'm supposed to be getting married 18th of April this year but there's a prob with my "bf's family" and that have to be re-sched the wedding... They become my friends since we were in grade school and now, we're already grown up and supposed to be matured (23 YO). I'm inviting them on my events here at my place and never forget to say hi and hellos to them... well the month of May was different because there are 3 persons who's texting me asking when is my wedding is there gona be a wedding and calling me a not so nice word... i said this is wrong... when i met my "friends" on a party,it's really different. they even judge the way i look eventhough my looks that time is so presentable because i've plannned what to wear... i caught them they're texting; or let me say blackmail...my other friend told mea reason why not communicating with me anhymore is because i'm not able to go out with them...that's the reason for them why we guys became friends...just to hang out..if you're not coming, you're out of the friendship...all i think of is to become a good mom to my kids because i know amnot going to be happy with them if i'm going to leave my kids and make my mom look for them...they seem not to understand my situation and what i'm trying to becometo for my kids...
i'm mad but not to the extent that revenge will takes place... I'll just pray for them because i think they're not happy on their lives andnot contented so they have to go out and hang around...
i texted them i'll be signing off... they don't get what i mean, but i think that's obvious that i'll quit being their friend...it's not healthy anymore and it's just making me stress thinking what shall i do...i'd rather not have them back but i will still invite them to every occassions here at my place...
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
19 Sep 09
this is exactly the kind of people that don't deserve to be in your life.
you should remember that they have no impact what so ever on your life, and their gossip, even though is meant to hurt you, has no power over you.
it is better to stop talking to them, then stay in that friendship thinking you'll be lonely. if one wants company, one will get it.
forget them. you'll be surprised how much better you will start to feel:D
@nikki39 (34)
•
19 Sep 09
Well I had this friend and i met her in 4th grade. We became best friends, we did almost everything together. She even taught me how to swim. Middle school came and I started meeting new people and of course I started to find her annoying and didn't really want to hang out with her anymore even though she still considered me her best friend and she got her parents involved with it and everything cause you know I was her best friend and you don't just not want to hang out with your best friend like that. So I decided I still wanted to be her friend but I still had my other friends who I considered my best friends. High school came and we didn't talk at all, maybe a little "hi" and hug in the hallway if we saw each other. Now we're both seniors and she has moved 30 minutes away and we never talk at all. I'm homeschooled now and have basically no friends. I regret doing what I did sooooo much. I took her for granted and I didn't know how good of a friend I had until I lost her. And i'm guessing having no friends now is my karma. I just wish I wouldn't have been like that :(
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
19 Sep 09
if it was indeed a good friendship, she might consider forgiving you if you asked her to. you could maybe contact her through the computer, and keep in touch in that way if she lives far away :)