what would you do if.....

You did the right thing but with some people ....they just don't listen. I really don't understand people like that and hopefully your friend will come around to be accepting of his daughter and who she is. He is not going to change her but he very well could lose her and to me that doesn't seem worth the price of alienating a child that I'm sure he loves deeply. In doing so, he will not only be making himself miserable but her as well. Does he really want that?

From what you say here I have no doubt that you did everything right. What it comes down to is how much your friend and his wife love her. If they love her as any parent would, of course this would be a shock but they will work past that. It takes time. When you see the world as absolute, when it changes, it is not easy to change with it. The one thing that will get in the way is their religious belief. If that is why they are close-minded there is very little that anyone can say. Just be the friend they need to talk to. Homosexuality is just now becoming at least acknowledged by many of the churchs. I belevie that will continue to happen as more and more people realize that homosexuality is not a choice. It is what you are. Society, being what it has been in the past, forced gay's to not acknowledge it, even to themselves. As that changes more and more will come to understand it but there will always be some that will never accept it. My first wife and I had a very dear friend that for a long time we considered straight. So did she except she knew something was not right. When she finally realized that men did not do it for her, and why, she told us about it. It was a very difficult thing for her to do for she feared losing our respect and friendship. Of course it is a surprise. Not something you expect. Even though we didn't understand it we accepted it and are still good friends today. I also have other friends who discovered that their son was gay. They are very religious but at the same time they see the world as it is not as they want it to be. They not only accepted it but talk openly about if is need be. They also have accepted his lover and treat him as another son. This did not come quickly but their love for their son came first and then their understanding. You may try to help these parents understand this better and in time their love for their daughter may shine through. That is all you can do.

The same thing that you did. Try to make your friend understand. Its not like she wants to marry a serial killer. Maybe you can take your friend to a counselor who can help him in this matter.

Well the good news is hes looking for help or else he wouldnt have called you he would have called someone more close minded like him. And thats the thing you cant change someones mind unless they want to change their views. It will take time and a process as I'm sure your aware of if you ever had the problem he did but you've jsut got to be there for him and tell him it will be okay and he will be okay he just has to change his thinking. I think a lot of the time parents have to realize it could be sooooo much worst (not that this is really bad at all in my eyes) but he could lose his daughter or she could get hurt. Plus he has to understand what a feat it was for her to even come clean and tell him. Itp robably was eating her up inside. but shes finally free and shes in a healthy stable realationship (I'm assuming most people dont come out unless they are) Just be the best friend you can be and try not to get too offended when he slips up and says the occasional offensive statement It will be okay!

Well his reaction is normal. All parents would have want the best for their children. Its like his dreams were shuttered. Give him time to accept and realize that he cant do anything to change his daughter. For now, all you can do is to give him a good advice and be with his side. Just listen to him if he ask for ears. It is very shocking for them but I know in time, he will learn to accept and forgive his daughter. The love of parents is more heavy more than anything else. You can also talk to his daughter, tell her to give her parents a time to think and absorb their situation. Tell her that her parents love her so much thats why its hard for them to accept her situation. Be patience. Things will be alright in time.

Well, is his daughter an adult? If she is, perhaps you should ask him if he's willing to risk losing her over this? Point out to him that she's grown and he doesn't want to lose his child over so minor. Yes, her sexuality is a minor thing, it doesn't change the person that she is, that he raised, that he loves. But more important, if he's a Godly man, remind him that God never says "oops". If she was born this way, then there must be a reason for it and it's not for you, me, or him to judge, God will handle it in His own time and way. If his daughter is still living at home, then I'd advise him to treat the situation as if it's a boy/girl relationship. No nookie in the house, no drooling on each other in my living room, and just take a deep breath. It sounds as if she's serious about this, but teens sometimes wobble back and forth for a while. The more he pressures her, the more likely that she'll stubbornly remain in a relationship. If he backs off, prays on it, and leaves it to the Lord, then who knows? She may wobble back to the hetro side, she may not, but it's no longer his to deal with. He turned it over to God so from here on, it's his job to be the loving parent that he's always been. IE, be nice to his daughter and her partner and just relax, it will be ok, no matter what happens, it's going to be ok!!

I think just let him know that you are there to listen. I just would let him come to you if you need to talk. It would be nice for him to have someone to listen to and to be able to do something about helping him with the situation if this is something that you feel that you can do. I just would offer and see what happens with that.

hmm that's an interesting situation you got there. there's nothing you can do except explain to them that homosexual people are just normal people like you and me and there's no need to treat them any differently.

hi clarkbody,i think your friend was shocked deeply by the news that his daughter is homosexual,he may never think of this and he is not ready for this news. just give him a little more time,he will accept it.When he call you to come for a talk again in following time,go and listen to him,it don't need to offer too many suggestions,just listen to hi,at this time, he is weak and want you are around him.

This is a tough question. You cannot tell him to love his child unconditionally. He must do that himself. Just be there if he ever needs to talk and listen.