I’m sorry, but it’s all about pain.

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For a couple of years I used to work as a business consultant in Mexico-City. I specialized in human development, making staff happier so that they could produce more. I think it was around that time that I turned into a cynic. We are supposed to be proactive, set goals, determine our values, put them in order of importance, program ourselves neurolingüistically, manage our emotions and visualize a bright future. And it’s all bull, if you pardon my french. I’m fifty now, and I’m not sorry to tell the real story. Life is, at least in great parts, all about avoiding pain instead of seeking pleasure. I don´t know how many decisions I’ve taken lately where I´ve chosen the option that causes me less pain. It’s a falacy that we´re happy beings, sent down here to make this world a better place. Yes, we ARE here to make this world a better place, but it’s a job without a job description, where happiness eludes us most of the time. Just walk on a street and observe people’s faces, that’s where you see life. The fundamental dichotomy in our lifes is that we need other people, and once we ‘have’ them, live with them, have family, we mostly argue with them, fight, get lost. Look at your family, friends and acquaintances, and I assure you, you will be mostly and most of the time in disagreement with them. So living with others is in great part damage control. On the other hand, we tend to wither like a dehydrated flower when left alone for a period of time – it’s called loneliness, and as social being, we detest that. Nobody there to bounce off from, all left to our own thoughts. I live alone now, and yes, I suffer slightly from loneliness. But I have decided it’s the lesser pain, than living with other people. I’m extremely choosy now who I let into my life, but at least I want to be sure who I’m arguing with. That’s the point, and I’m kind of sorry, because it’s NOT very proactive, I’m not at the top. But it is, in my humble few, the truth. This is just one example, and there are many over the years, where I’ve opted for the choice that causes less pain. Not very fashionable to say so, but I dare say that many of you would agree.