If You Were In My Shoe, What Would You Do Or Think??

I appreciate your response. But since we started our relationship. We used to ask permission whenever we are going somewhere or we are going to do something. If you would be in the situation, will you allow your partner just go somewhere or do something else without any permission from you? I know it is her right, but still you are still responsible for any acts that you since you are already leaving with someone. I am actually not mad, I just want to express the hard feelings in my heart.

What the?! are you out of your mind?! the guy is sick and then he came home and the house is locked, would you feel happy when your house is locked and you don't have a key and you had to call her because she didn't inform you. watch the movie to upset him?wow that's one hell of a work if rberon gets did really upset.

she should have to ask him if she can do anything she might have found a real man that isnt so controling

there is a different between teaching her and controling her dude. what you are doing is more of controling her. my wife as well havent lived like me. she lived a shelter life compear to me. but it shouldnt be i am strict on her, or she need to ask me to do this or that. telling you if she wise up you will loose her. go more toward teaching her how to protect herslef and what to look for well she's out. like who and what is around her well she's out. what to do if a stranger comes to the door. but how is it that you are protecting her by having her ask you if she can watch a movie or not.. that there isnt protecting her that is controling and i dont think she's going to rape watching a movie in the house for real dude. ok you say you are protecting her. then why would you get upset if the door is lock? that there make no sence. and that there is really show me that protecting is an excuse. dude like for real i've dealt with guys like you, you are a control freak

We have different point of view. i am not saying that I am too strict to her. I am just looking forward for her own security. The two of us is far from our family, we are in the city and our family is in the province. What if something happens to her, what if she was rape? What should I tell her to her family? I would be blame. And I don't want that to happen. And even before, even though that she is in doubt that I will not allow her, she still try to ask permission. I am just surprise now that she did not ask my permission this time. I am so happy that you really trust your wife in everything that she do. If that strategy is effective in your family, keep it up and enjoy. I appreciate your response.

some people are like rberon my friend syankee. so its not good to call them jerks as well. i have been too so much already as well. so i know what is happening. if the girl want their relaitonship that way then i guess she is also needed to be at fault as well. we have our own minds. so i guess if she dont want to be control or such, she can always let him know rihgt? because i am into this kind of relationship but i still did it. and now we are into respecting and understanding each other more. jhelai

but you dont need to control her to keep her sAfe. if she went to work would you check up on her every hour thenyoumust not trust 'her at all, and no woman anywhere likes to be mistrusted.,' let her grow up, treat her like an Adult and be sweet and'kind to her, if she is going to someone else, you may have driven her away. I' dont care what your culture is she is not a child, let her'be an adult. she is a grown woman treat her with respect not like'her daddy she does not like that, I would not like that. I if I were her, would not put up with the way you say you treat her,you act like you think she cannot do anything for herself.you grow up and quit controlling grown woman.,

Culture is really a factor in this discussion. As far as I know, there in united States, as early as 17 years old, you are already allowed to work, while here in our place, it is actually a violation , it is against our constitution. At that age, it is until the care of their parents. Anyway, going back to the concern, I am not suppressing her to do the things she wanted to do.We all have the right to do the things we want to do. All I want is her security and i want her to be safe all the time. there are lots of criminals in our area. We are just two here in the city, we are far from our family, if something happens, what will be my explanation to his parents?

I appreciate your response to this discussion. Actually, we just only have one key. Before she go to work, she left the key on our secret place, which the two of us only knew about it. When I went home today, the key is not there. She brought it with her. I am not so sure if how many times she did this since we have different schedules,every time I text her when I am in the office, she is telling me that she is just surfing the net or she is just resting, which I really believe because we never encountered problem like this. I do not know actually how to feel now. There is a feeling of numbness, doubtfulness and pity. I really really appreciate your response.

I can understand your feelings then. Maybe you really need to talk with her about this. It is somehthing that is really bothering you. To make a relationship work you have to have the ability to talk out things that are bothering you. I have learned in the past if you keep things like this inside then it only grows bigger to where it ends up in a screaming match. Im sure that you don't want that at all. Talk with her...Once again I wish you the best..Have a good day...

Thanks a lot for the concern. Most of the time, when we are mad to each other, we don't talk for about one day, and after that, if both of us are already okay, and both of are ready, that is the time that we talk about the problem. Maybe, not tonight, maybe will talk about it tomorrow, she is going to work tonight and I don't want her work o be affected because of this problem. Even there is madness in my heart, it is hard for me seeing her suffering because of the problem,simply because I love her. have a great day as well!

what is this permission stuff? come on be for real. she's a grown woman.. a kid ask for permission to do things not no grown up.. you guys dont own your female partners.. you guys are too funny.. my brother in law tried to play that dumb stuff with my sister, and now he's her ex husband.. all women should be indepence.

I don't how to feel right now, a feeling of numbness,a feeling of doubtfulness and a feeling of pity. A feeling of numbness because even she almost cry in front of me, I feel so numb, I cannot feel that she is affected, maybe because I was really hurt. A feeling of doubtfulness because after we have been together for eight years, this is the first time that she did not ask my permission. Before, even though she is in doubt that i will allow her, she still ask my permission. I do not know how many times is she already doing this.And lastly, a feeling of pity because I don't wanna see her crying in front of me and asking for forgiveness. What should I do. Should I look at the betterment of our relationship and remove all my doubts? Do you think having a spy will help? Do you think it won't affect our relationship. I appreciate your advice. I am not mad.

oh! in my point of view. if your relationship is still that important then dont let anything come between you. i know how you feel. and i do understand you. but do talk it over first. who knows she just got a bad day as well. and ended up forgetting to inform you. she is just only human my dear. so no need to make such more problems about it. talk it over and see what she has instore for her actions. you knwo when it is true or not right? jhelai

Actually,what you have said is not yet the saddest thing. the saddest thing is when I fetch her up in the movie house, I saw her talking in one guy and heard saying "wait for my message", If you would be the guy in front of your girlfriend, and a guy told your girlfriend about this,how would you react?In my situation yesterday, i still maintain my composure and professionalism, as if I've heard nothing. I became so numb. She did not even introduce me to the guy that i am his boyfriend which is really increase my doubtfulness.

Did you ask her who the guy was and why is she with him? She did tell where she was right because you were able to fetch her. If she'd been doing something fishy she wouldn't have told you where to fetch her. I don't know what's the real score but don't let anger cloud your judgment. It was right that you've acted professionally but to end this matter you must really talk to her about it. If she denies something with regards to that guy she was with then that's the time you should start doubting. Whatever you do don't be hasty, look in every angle of the situation and analyze it carefully. You don't wanna be in the losing end here:)

totally agree .

I appreciate your response or your advice. Actually since we have started our relationship, its already the nature to ask permission to each other. We are from different country and we have different cultures. In our country, if you are in the age of 16 - 18 years old, you are not yet allowed to work, unlike in your country, you are allowed to do so,am i right? I am not controlling her in the things she wanted to do.All I want is know her responsibility. I always look forward for her own security and safety.

Yes, my friend, teens in the US are allowed to work at a relatively early age, but until they are 18, there are laws that restrict how many hours they can work, since there is schooling and home-work to factor in. I understand now that asking permission is part of your country's culture, and I respect that :) Karen

I appreciate your advice, but prior to that, we just have watched one movie together.I don't suppress her in doing things, since she has the right to do it. But what can't I take is that she did not ask permission as she do before. She knows before, even though she is in doubt that I will allow her, she still ask permission. Just for instance,you are doing an exercise regularly, then one day, you decided to stop, isn't your gonna miss it? Or you are going to wonder?That is the same situation that i am telling. I'm used to it. In addition to that, we are just to here in the city, all of our family is in the province,what if something happens to her, how can I explain to her parents about the situation? We all know that there are lots of criminals here in our country.

I am very glad that you and letran is always here for my ups and down. I am so sorry but I am a type of person who easily get jealous. May i ask you my friend, whenever you are going to do something else or you are going somewhere, do you ask the permission of your boyfriend, or you by pass him and go on the things you want to do? Do you think by doing it, it will lead you a positive output?I'm not mad my friend, I'm just trying to express my feelings on what ahs happened. Thanks for always being there. happy mylotting!!

My friend, the problem that i encountered is that this is the first time in the whole time that we have been together that she did not ask my permission. I just wonder why did she do that. I am not so mad,and jealous. What I am looking at is for her own security. We are just alone here in manila,in the city, all our family is in the province.If in case something happens to her, how can I explain to her parents?I don't want to be blame in the later part. I love her, that is why i care for her.

dnt worry... i understand you perfectly well my dear. my boyfriend is just like you. so jealous and controlling sometimes. but i am the type who always goes my way. and i always make to it that he knows what i am doing though how late that may be. i am not perfect so whats important for me is to let him know whenever i could have the time. i am a jealous type as well. but i do not like to go on with my emotions. i just take things slow and in a nice way. because he is more important to me than anybody else. jhelai

Culture is really a factor is terms of responses, there are lots of responders here that also says that it is not a big deal to them if the girl did not ask permission from you. Here in our place, if you are in the age between 15 - 18 years old, it is still under the care of the parents, but as far as i know, in your area, as early as this age, they are already ask to do some works. I hope we also have the culture. I am actually not suppressing her on what to do,what I am after is for her own security and safety.There are lots of criminals in our area.

"The culture where I live is a great deal different. If my wife would take off to see a movie during the day because she works graveyard shift without asking me, it really wouldn't be a big deal."This is statement is really true. That is what I am saying with sid. we have different cultures. But I am also not saying that here in our country, we suppress our partners in doing things they wanted to do. I can say that we are just being protective to our partners. We always look at their own security. I am not against if she is going out, it is her right, she has the right to be happy. We live in the city alone, we are far from our family, what should I explain her family if something happens.

In spite of cultural difference, I can see where you are coming from on this. It is interesting to go through this entire thread and check and see where everyone who comments is from. There is a clear relationship between where the respondent is from and how they are responding. You ask each other "permission" as a courtesy. If I have to work late I will always call my wife to let her know. I'm not asking "permission" I am letting her know so that she will not worry. Also if she is putting a great deal of time and effort into the evening meal she can plan for me coming home later and not ruining her efforts. If I haven't called and I am late she knows I could have had a cycling accident or breakdown on the way home and may need her help. If I am more than thirty minutes late she will get in the truck and come looking for me. When you talk about safety I believe this is the sort of thing you are referring to. "Permission" is being concerned about each other's well being. It isn't intended to control. Does it sound like I get it?

The saddest thing is only have one key for the house. We do not have duplicate. What we are doing is that before she go to work, she left it to the place where only the two of us know. I am actually controlling her, as what the responder above in his comment. I am just protecting her from any harm. We all have the freedom to do things on our own. I am just used to it that she ask my permission every time she will be going somewhere or she will be doing something. What I am expecting, since I am sick is a loving care from her,but vice versa that happens. Anyway, this time we haven't talk yet, we used to put one day not talking, before fixing the problem, when both of us are already okay, we talk about. Thanks for the advice.

This is one of the best advices that I got from this discussion. i appreciate it . We haven't talk about it until this time because she went into the office last night. She should be out by eight in the morning today but it's already nine thirty in the morning but until she haven't reached home. She is not even responding to my text messages. How will i trust her for this? Actually, it is really hard in my part because I love her.

Seems to me that you have problem with comunication. Have you tried to call her? Maybe she is somewhere out of reached? Or in a public transportation perhaps. Give her benefit of doubt, dont jump into conclusion. When she comes home, let her rest for a while and then you talk. Talk calmly. Don't be too emotional. Dont let your feelings rule your conversation with her. Talk things out. Ask her what she doesn't like about you, what she hates about you and vise versa. I know both of you have contributed something that brought you to that situation. Sometimes we do things unconciously that could hurt our partner. Make an arragement with her and try not to do what she dislikes about you as well. Tell her that you want this relationship to work because you love her but you cannot do this alone. You need her cooperation. Talk things out. I know you both have busy schedules but don't let your work ruin your relationship. When was the last time you go out together? Try to bring back the spark. Why not watch movie or go to park. It doesn't have to be expensive. You must at least spend a day in a week alone with her. Do something sweet,learn to set the mood. It is healthy to be away from stressful environment once in a while.

Cultures really affects our response.We are from different countries, so we have different culture. i am not saying that we suppress our ladies in everything that they want to do. What we have in our culture is to protect our ladies from any harm or danger. Maybe I should accept that I became very overprotective.I just do that simply because I love and care for her.

I don't control her in the things that she do. All i am looking at is for own security and safety. Nothing more, nothing less. here in our country, there are lots of criminals. So it is really hard to trust people. Before we use to have a duplicate key, it was lost and we do not have the time to get a new one because of a very busy schedule.As of this moment, we haven't fix the problem since she haven't go home yet.She is still at work. Will try to talk about it once she's home. I appreciate your advice. happy mylotting!

Let me tell you the full details of the story, after knowing that she is in the movie house, i went there to fetch her, i did not inform her that i will fetch her, to my surprise, i saw a guy talking to her, and heard "wait for my message".If you would be in my case, wouldn't you be alarmed of it?After hearing it, i just control my emotions and as if I've heard nothing.

Culture is really a factor in the responses of the discussion.If you are in the U.S. ,the culture is rally different. As early as 18 years old, in your place, they can already work, while in our country, when you are 18 years, you are still have to finish your study and under the assistance of their parents. I am actually not suppressing her. It has been our agreement since we started our relationship to ask permission whenever we are going somewhere else or we are going to do something. I was just surprise that she did not ask my permission this time.

I appreciate your advice.This time we are already okay. We talk about it and ask her what is the reason behind why she has watched the movie alone. According to her, she is just bored at home. I also warned her that the next time she will be going out of the house, she should ask my permission so I will not worried.