How would you deal with relatives who take advantage of your kindness?

If an outsider would take advantage of your kindness, I would think that its quiet normal but if it was someone in the family I think it would hurt. I dont know if it happens to me, what will I do. Maybe at first I try to keep quiet for a little time but if things will fall out of hand, i think that I wont let it happen again. I will try to solve things my way without any fightings and troubles and see what will happen.

That's pretty easy actually. Be kind to them once or twice until you think you've done enough. Then ask them for a favour from 'them' one day. See how they respond. If they respond in kind, then you really shouldn't have anything against them. But, if they don't, then you'll have a good reason to not do them any favours next time they ask you for. ;)

There is a certain communication technique that might be helpful in situations like that. It consists of three parts. First, you describe the behaviour of the person that is affecting you to her/him. It has to be precise, so that the person understands what you are talking about. Start off with something like "When you do such and such...." From there on stop talking about that person and talk about yourself. Explain in detail how this behaviour is affecting you, how it makes you feel. Be as descriptive as possible. Third part, explain the possible consequences, what would happen to you and your relationship to that person in detail. Fall not into threats, but explain it as a logical consequence of that person's behaviour and your reaction to it. You see, many times people don't realize that they are stepping on our toes, and a lot of times it's done with no bad intention at all. The person might not even be aware of it. Most of the times when you apply that technique you'll find that the person is first of all surprised to hear all this, because they simply didn´t know, and secondly are more than willing to not do it again. Good Luck!

This is a tough subject but you can't let people walk on you once or they will continue to do it because you let them. If you confront somebody and they explode then you know that they know they are wrong. If the relationship is strained then approach it delicately, if it falls apart quickly then you know the relationship was conditional anyway.

We all know that relatives should help each other because they are considered part of a family but we should also limit the kindness. It's irritating when you are being too kind and they keep on taking advantage of it. Sometimes, it's better if you let your relatives solve their own problems so that they will not be too dependent on you.

Sometimes its hard to refuse when your relatives want to borrow money from you. I agree that sometimes relatives going to take advantage of your kindness. My father is also abused by his relatives that's why my mother got angry to his relatives. Sometimes they don't pay there debt and forget that they borrowed money from my father. It's is okay to refuse sometimes because they going to abuse you also.

i have had these experience.i had to say some words which sounded rude in the beginning but they understood that i wasnt a simpleton and that they couldnt fool me so easily.

I'm happy Bebs that no relative of mine has ever taken advantage of my kindness. I tell you when it comes to relatives I really am extra kind. I could give and share any thing to them. I extend all help that I could extend to them and I'm happy they've been returning the gratitude by being good to me. If they will take advantage, I think that will be very painful after all the good things I've been doing to them. I would not know how to deal with it really. But so far, everything has been fine.

i've been there too, i still said something to them. my thing if someone is doing something that hurts my feelings i learned to express myself to them.

i don't have a problem telling it straight to people whom i know are taking advantage of my kindness. i warn them not to it again as i tell them straight that to be done to me. for relatives, i admit that it is hard to right away tell them about it. but with due "practice" and the right approach coupled with the right choice of words, i know i should be able to tell them how i feel being taken advantage of my kindness. i should let them know about that. i just hope the relatives would understand otherwise, it would surely strain the relationship. well, then i will just be happy with the thought of being able to successfully tell them and that would surely discourage them from doing it again in the future.

Its okay to help your relatives. Its okay to support them financially but if you notice that they are asking too much of you, better talk to them in a nice way. You must learn to say no, thou its hard but you must stand for it. You also have your life. Especially if you already have a family, you must set your limitations. Don't wait for that to be the cause of misunderstanding (with your husband/wife). If they are your relative and they respect you as a person, am sure they would understand. Just explain to them clearly your points. Its only you who can stop that. If you don't say a word they might think that its all okay. They might think that what you're giving to them is just an excess for what you have. Its not bad to be generous but if your own life is suffering thats a different case. Be honest to them.

It is quite irritating and I must say pathetic. But it do exist. The thing is sometimes it is very hard to turn them down even when it is quite obvious. When you let them down, you will be the bad guy in the clan which you would not want to happen. Sadly, most of us are victim of this kind of taking someone for granted.